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Sleep

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Original poster

controlled crying - is 8 months too young?

82 replies

potatofactory · 06/01/2008 02:43

We have just started trying controlled crying with our 8-month-old baby. She has got into a habit of having episodes of escalating crying at night (sometimes for hours). The key thing for us in making our decision to try controlled crying was that she was getting in a state anyway, and kept crying whether she was being cuddled or not - presumably because she is tired.

We have only done one night but it has been traumatic so far. Is she an ok age to try this? Are we going to undo all our good work so far in making her feel happy and secure? We have always had a policy of not leaving her to cry up until this point.

All advice eagerly received..

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Original poster

potatofactory · 07/01/2008 02:53

Three hours first night, and now three hours (and counting) second. Not sure I can do this, but don't know what the alternative is, as she was crying for hours anyway before. Not teething / ill / too tired / not tired enough... really don't know what's for the best.

Chances are if I pick her up she'll cry anyway... she always did before. Seems to be a mixture of finding it difficult to get to sleep by herself; separation anxiety; frustration ; bad habit of waking once the pattern had established itself (despite our best efforts).. feeling very down about it all.

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Egypt · 07/01/2008 04:56

oh potato factory, three hours is not good. stop stop stop. tanya byron recommends cc, but not letting them cry longer than 30 mins. would she sleep in a pushchair? in front of the washing machine?! in bed with you? just do whatever she wants to get some sleep then in a few weeks, maybe try again. i feel for you i really do. going through it a bit with dd now, but she only cries for 30 mins or less and i can't do it in the middle of the night as would wake dd1, so i cuddle/bf, but this is getting less and less frequent as the first put down of the eve is kind of teaching her to put herself back to sleep throughout the night.

how about cc for the bedtime (as long as it doesn't go on for long?) then a dreamfeed at 10/11, then wait and see what the night brings.....

Original poster

potatofactory · 07/01/2008 07:23

hi egypt,

thanks for comments. She did fall asleep eventually, but then woke up again, and I think we might stop anyway - it was too awful and not encouraging over the two nights.

We never left her for more than 15 mins, but didn't pick her up (just to clarify - do you mean Tanya Byron only advocates the whole process only taking 30 minutes?

Anyway -- we're all up now and knackered!!!

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Nedmum · 07/01/2008 07:38

Hi potato factory - we're up too! Had been considering some form of cc with ds (7.5mo), as he wakes regularly at 3amish, and will NOT go back to sleep alone. Now I'm not so sure. What I've started doing is bringing him into bed with us, and letting him sleep on my chest. This way at least I get to doze, and to be honest i enjoy the cuddle. I know the holy grail is to get them to sleep through and settle themselves, but I sometimes think its a bit sad we've been conditioned to think a baby wanting a cuddle to get to sleep is a bad thing

nappyaddict · 07/01/2008 07:40

please read this

Nedmum · 07/01/2008 07:52

that was really interesting nappyaddict. CC is a bit like that NSPCC ad - so-and-so is a quiet baby, he's learnt that nobody comes whether he cries or not.
Surely if you leave a little baby to cry, all he learns is that mummy doesn't care if he;s sad

MegBusset · 07/01/2008 08:12

PF I would think that after 2 nights of 3 hours' crying, there might be some other underlying reason for her not sleeping (teething, illness?) so maybe take stock after tonight -- we did CC with DS at 9mo but said that we would give it three nights and if no improvement, would rethink.

As it happened, it worked very quickly with DS and wasn't too distressing, the maximum period was 50 minutes on night 1, by night 4 he was basically going down without a peep and sleeping through. So I suspect that if it is going to work, it will work quickly.

PS he is the world's most affectionate and happy little boy, and CC hasn't changed that one bit.

MegBusset · 07/01/2008 08:14

"so-and-so is a quiet baby, he's learnt that nobody comes whether he cries or not"

Actually DS disproves this, if he is unhappy in the night (eg sometimes he gets stuck sideways in the cot) he certainly lets us know about it, and of course we respond straight away.

karen999 · 07/01/2008 08:15

Hi, I did CC at three months - was not too bad and after 3 nights she was going down without a peep and sleeping through (just like prev poster)

I don't believe that CC has damaged her at all. However, if you are too distressed by it and it appears not to be working then I would stop.

nappyaddict · 07/01/2008 08:22

have you tried PU/PD or shushing/patting her to sleep?

MegBusset · 07/01/2008 08:28

There's also the gradual retreat method, where you start by feeding/rocking/cuddling to sleep then move a little further away every few nights.

Indith · 07/01/2008 08:58

Oh gosh potato 3 hours not good! You must be shattered.

I can see your frustration, none of the alternatives to CC seem like they would work with a child that screams whether you cuddle or not!

You said before that she is showing sign s of teething, have you tried an amber teething bead necklace? A friend of mine swears by hers. Has reduced her continually teething dd from a screaming whatsit who won't sleep to a grumpy one who sometimes does May help anyway. Seems like you need something to get her at least calm again to be able to try some form of sleep technique.

Original poster

potatofactory · 07/01/2008 09:35

Lots of interesting things! By the way, Nedmum - cuddling doesn't work - if it did, I wouldn't care how many cuddles she got - she just seems to get tired, and still unable to sleep, even in our bed, then gets frustrated and cries loads...

Hi -Indith - I haven't re-read my thread, but she isn't teething (unless completely without the usual symptoms - that's what I meant to write anyway!)

I do find the logic behind CC troubling - why else are they stopping crying unless it is because they have ;learnt you won't come, but on the other hand, she can't be enjoying being up and crying on all those nights when we have tried everything we can possibly think of to help her sleep.

Basicaly, I'd love to rock her to sleep or do whatever makes her feel happy and secure but.....

!!!!!

You're all realy thoughtful to respond. I find it very useful (if not always that reassuring with some!) to read your thoughts.

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Original poster

potatofactory · 07/01/2008 09:35

Hi -Indith - I haven't re-read my thread, but she isn't teething (unless completely without the usual symptoms - that's what I meant to write anyway!)

Basicaly, I'd love to rock her to sleep or do whatever makes her feel happy and secure but.....

!!!!!

You're all realy thoughtful to respond. I find it very useful (if not always that reassuring with some!) to read your thoughts.

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Original poster

potatofactory · 07/01/2008 09:36

pretty sure I didn't press that button twice, but I AM tired...

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Indith · 07/01/2008 09:42

Sorry, I didn't re read before posting that either, memory served me wrong!

Shushpenfold · 07/01/2008 12:07

Hi Potatofactory - did you give in or no? I'm pro controlled crying for the simple reason that if you're considering it you're either on 'death's door' as far as lack of sleep is concerned or you've done it before and know that it can work so spectacularly that it's worth it for lo and mum. Night 3 was definitely vastly better with all 3 of mine so if you didn't pick up/feed I would honestly give it one more night. It really is so delightful to be able to put your 10month old down to bed and have them wave bye bye at you, grinning from ear to ear and then hear nothing but silence for 12 hours.....bliss! xx

karen999 · 07/01/2008 12:13

lol Shushpenfold!! However, I know exactly what you mean....it is bliss isn't it?

Rantmum · 07/01/2008 12:16

I did it with ds at 6 months - it is not like you just abandon the child to scream its lungs out - your return regularly to reassure the baby that you care and that you are close. It worked for me and ds is a very contented 3 year old with no lasting damage that I am aware of - and, if you are not doing this already, I would also introduce a very distinct bedtime routine (bath, bed, story, cuddle, lights out) which stays the same every single night. Good luck!

Rantmum · 07/01/2008 12:22

3 hours is a long time though - is she hungry? When I was bfing i fed ds at bedtime, and once weaned gave him a cup of warm milk before brushing teeth, that helped too.

lokka · 07/01/2008 13:58

Well done for trying Potato. I think you're doing well..it's so hard to make these decisions.
I am in a similar situation to nedmum. My DS wakes various times in the night but when he wakes at around 3 he doesn't want to sleep again. We CAN eventually rock him to sleep but my back is now killing me as he is 9 and a half kilos and it takes at least half an hour (At bedtime too)DP often helps but hasn't got the patience so I end up doing it most times Anyway, please keep us informed about how you get on. It's great to know we aren't alone in this!

Original poster

potatofactory · 07/01/2008 14:16

Hello all,

I didn't give in last night, but it was awful, and I feel guilty today (whether should or not). My dd is very tired and grumpy today, and cries when I put her in her cot, prob because she spent so much time crying in it last night.

Two very prolonged sessions over two nights, and def. no improvement on the second night which was really disappointing as I don't want to put us all through this unless it is actually going to work (obviously). Lots of people swear that it does work, though, I know...

Is that kind of really prolonged and distraught crying relatively usual - or is she not responding in a way that's going to work? No-one else seems to have had such a trial, from the examples I've read here and heard..

OP posts:

karen999 · 07/01/2008 14:49

Hi Potatofactory - poor you - it's not easy! How long is she crying for? Do you go in every couple of minutes?

Also, what time is she going down? I only ask becuase she may not be tired. It will depend on how much sleep she is getting in the day?

Indith · 07/01/2008 14:55

Hmmmm

Have you tried asking the sleep is for the weak stalwarts? I think put together they know everything there is to know about sleep and you may get some good advice there.

Good luck with whatever you try.

Original poster

potatofactory · 07/01/2008 14:57

sleep is for the weak stalwarts?

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