16 week old sleep/routine - please help

[LadybirdLane]

Hello :)

I really need to some advice and support. I have a 16 week old DS.

When my DS was born I was very much go with the flow as I have a 4 year old DS as well so just put baby in the sling. It is hard work on my back as he is a big baby (i10lbs 3oz at birth and in the 90s centile for weight and height) so I recently have started trying to put him down in his cot for naps (he won't sleep more than 30 mins in the pram and doesn't like being in there). I can generally get the first morning nap in there, but only 30 mins, then sometimes another nap in there about an hour later again for another half hour. He does a couple of long sleeps in the sling during the day (about 2 hrs each). He is formula fed, but only feeds every 5 hours (this is his choice, he was breast fed for the first 3 months and even then he went quite long between feeds).

He is generally awake from his last nap by 5pm and has a bottle then, then goes back in the sling about 6.30pm ish, I get his brother to bed, then he just lies on me on me whilst I watch tv until about 9.30pm when I wake him to feed. He goes down in his cot (next to my bed) no problem at that time, feeds and is straight in. He has one fed around 3am, but if he wakes before that I just bring him into bed and we cosleep.

I just feel we don't have a proper routine, there is no bedtime routine at all.

My with older son he only used to take 30min cat naps all day in his car seat, but I got him sleeping in his cot about 5.5/6 months and he started taking longer naps so I know the 30 min naps are developmental. I also got the bedtime routine established around 5.5/6 months.

I just feel totally stressed out and really tearful, I have a cold right now which isn't helping either. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, even though having been down this road before I know that things do sort themselves out around the 6 month mark, but I'm not thinking rationally right now, I just keep reading about all these babies who go to sleep at 7pm and take long naps etc.

Do I just keep baby in the sling for now to get him some good naps and then work on putting him down more in a month or two and hopefully he will start taking some longer naps then? Do you think once I start solids I will be able to get the bedtime routine in so he is able to have a bottle right at bedtime? Advice/support/internet hug very appreciated.

Thank you for reading this.

Hi, it sounds like you're doing amazingly! In my experience my son wouldn't nap on his own for long stretches until he was 10 months and on 2 naps. Keep doing what you're doing and don't sweat it about a routine yet. It sounds like it's working for baby. Who cares what the made up babies on the Internet are doing!?

I think you're just rundown. This all sounds completely fine and normal. Snuggly evenings on the sofa sound really lovely, he's so tiny.

He'll nap in his cot one day soon - I still remember the last day my little girl took a nap on my chest in front of the TV before she got too big and wanted to be in her cot, I'd do anything to have one more of them.

It's impossible to keep perspective when you're in the middle of it but stop being so hard on yourself - you're doing a great job, you're the best mum for your baby, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing 🌸

LGBirmingham and Favourodds thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate them, you have both made me feel better and helped me get a bit of perspective. It is so hard when you are in the thick of it! I'm just going to try and do my best to stop worrying and appreciate the baby cuddles as I know they grow so quickly.

It sounds like you're doing great. I just wonder would it be worth putting baby to bed earlier? My 4 month old is up from his last nap by 4:30/5pm then bed 6:30/7pm - sleeps through with one wake to feed. Either way keep up the good work!

I wouldn't have wanted mine attached to me all day. I'm not surprised you're tired. I would work on having morning nap.& longer nap in cot or buggy to give you a break. I don't think mine would have gone down at night & stayed asleep all night with two long 2hr naps during the day.

I was lucky with my second he slept well so I could put him down at 7pm and deal with (harder!) older child! Then came number 3….he has no routine and even if I could get one going it’s useless as I have nursery run at bad times, bedtime is a disaster with a 5 and almost 3yr old to do as well! So I get your pain, baby is now 7months. I think just relax and do what you can, if baby can self settle, great, if you get a chance try extending morning nap by being there when wakes and shhhh patting to sleep (4 yr old will have to be entertained elsewhere not easy I know!) or will baby sleep longer in constantly moving pram? My first was very heavy and I didn’t do a sling as I was sore (C-section/back) so I get that! I’d concentrate on cot or pram naps if possible. I was all for routine for the first 2, no 3 just has to fit in however he is still a happy content little soul just wish I could get him to sleep through or at least wake less at night!

The evening cuddles on the sofa are dangerous because you are so tired. The risk is that you fall asleep and he slips down into the sofa and suffocates. So you are right to try and build a plan whereby you can get him into his cot for sleeps.
16 weeks I would try this
6.30/7am wake and milk
9.15-10am nap
11am milk
12-2.30 nap
2.30pm milk
4.30-5pm catnap. Sling, pram, arms, anywhere at all
6pm half bottle
6.30pm bath
7pm half bottle
7.30pm bed
10pm dream feed

Thank you for all for taking the time to reply to me.

LapinR0se, I implemented your routine and did a proper bedtime routine, just tweaked the timings a bit, and put baby to bed last and he was asleep before 7pm in his cot :)

Managed two cot naps of 40 mins each this morning and doing a long sling nap over lunch/early afternoon and then a cat nap in sling in late pm.

I already feel better having switched up the routine and I know DS's naps will hopefully last longer in the cot as time goes on and he will be able to do all of them in there at about 6 months.

Thank you again to everyone who reached out.