Three year old sleep issues - help please!

[Cathster]

I am at my wits end with my three year old (turning 4 next month).

Despite being a great sleeper as a baby, she has not slept through since being potty trained. She wakes up multiple times in the night crying for us to take her to the toilet, and in recent weeks has started waking up from 5am demanding to get up and play.

We obviously do not let her get up at 5am but this results in screaming, crying, nothing consoles her and then she wakes up her older sister. She’s then overtired and moody all day and any little thing upsets her.

She doesn’t nap and hasn’t done since she was about 18 months old. She mostly goes to bed at 6:30/7:00 but of course is knackered before 6pm usually.

I do not know what to do to fix this, she is a very strong willed child and does not give in easily so no matter how we deal with the 5am tantrums so far the only thing that at least keeps her quiet is lying in bed with her, this doesn’t get her back to sleep though so doesn’t fix it for the next day. Each day it just gets earlier and earlier.

Any ideas or advice would be great, I’m desperate to have my happy little girl back

It sounds counter-intuitive, but I’d give her an early afternoon nap so that you can push her bedtime back. Obv given her age, the afternoon nap would be a short-term thing just to reset her sleep times and cure (what sounds like) overtiredness.
Perhaps try a Gro-Clock, and put together a little basket of quiet toys/books she can access without waking anyone else.

I'd agree and try with the gro clock. Make it fun and explain how it will work. One chocolate button if she stays in her room till (whatever time you need her to).

My one is much older now, but I seem to remember keeping her occupied at 5-6pm. Bath at 6.30pm- pyjamas and story at 7.

We've all been there so don't be too hard on yourself or her. Good luck!

My DD is the same age. She’s always been a dreadful sleeper though. She likes someone to cuddle so one of us sleeps in with her- I wouldn’t suggest starting that though!

She tends to wake more of she’s worried about something or learning a new skill. Could your DD be worried about wetting the bed or something else?

We tried a gro clock for the first time last night. DD hit the idea but DP set the time wrong and so the sun was on it when she woke at 5:30, about which DD was very happy!

We encourage her to sleep if she wakes early ( before 6). She isn’t allowed downstairs before 5:30. If she as a bad night/ gets up at 4am we do let her nap (it’s not actually possible to stop her) and find that she goes to sleep a little later but generally has a better night.

Maybe try chatting about why she’s waking, try a gro clock, offer a nap if knackered ?

Apologies for typos- I’m feeding baby and typing!

I think the morning one is really tricky. If they've woken up and don't feel tired then that is their morning and they will get upset if they feel they can't see people or can't play as it doesn't make sense to them.

I do remember a period of early starts where we had morning cuddles as "mummy isn't ready to get up yet." And just let her climb in. We did start the day at 6am for a good while though. The gro clock was helpful when a bit older and able to play independently until "the sunshine comes up."

As for nught time wakings that can be a range of things. Getting cross will just lead to her being more anxious though. (We varyingly had asthma medication leading to nighy wetting and large tonsils leading to sleep apnea as 2 of our reasons!)

Id try to take the drama out, dont get cross, move away from seeing it as a battle and try and get creative about how to deal with it. Just be efficient at night if she needs help with the loo and a quick tuck in and a kiss. For us early morning cuddles worked while I dozed for a few months until she got into her next pattern but it's different for everyone.

Thanks for the really helpful responses! I should have mentioned we have a gro clock but she wakes up before the sun and lies there shouting about why isn’t the sun up yet.

@OutlookStalking you make an interesting point. She never wakes up unhappy but does get crosser when told she can’t get up yet. On the rare occasion we’ve given in and let her play, she’s much happier so I think we may be going about this wrong. It’s just very hard after a nighttime of 4+ wakings to then be awake from 5am as she isn’t quiet when playing - she wants help with this or that, etc etc! If we lie in with her then she still just keeps asking when she can get up.

I did consider this morning whether she has an intolerance - she has been complaining a lot of belly ache (more so this morning) and probably once a week or so has the random loose stool. Her sister had a temporary lactose intolerance which made her sleeping a nightmare so wondering if she’s similar?

We’ll try and reduce the early morning stresses and see if that makes a difference.