3 month old (lack of) sleep

[UKmumtobe]

Hello,
I am really struggling with my baby... He won't nap unassisted and when he does sleep it's for 20-35 minutes tops. I have a toddler who is at home with me and it's making it so hard to focus on baby's naps.

He wakes 4-6 times a night too.

I'm so exhausted. Im beginning to feel like a zombie. I don't have the energy to keep taking him out for a walk (with toddler) or the energy to stand rocking him for half an hour at home. Its really getting me down. Toddler gets in the way a lot and delib tries to wake him up or knock into the pram etc.

I'm at my wit's end. Genuinely don't know how to fix this.

Can anyone help or give me some positive energy?

Just for info:
I use white noise
I don't like using a sling at home as it means I can't do anything else as I have toddler to look after and housework to do
He rarely feeds to sleep (I'm bf)
He is swaddled at night
I hate cosleeping as it's not comfortable for me and I hate feeling like I'm an all night milk buffet
He doesn't self settle he will just scream if left in cot and I don't agree with that. He doesn't cry down, he screams up.

Thank you mum's
Xx

Have your tried a dummy?

My absolute sympathy OP it is so hard. My DC3 is 5 months old now and we are just now getting some sleep.

For me it's routine routine routine. I got baby in a bed routine very early. Bath, feed, song, bed with a mobile with batteries and lights on cot. I stick to it completely religiously. I did this for about 5 weeks ( putting her in cot and trying to get her to sleep on her own etc... she wouldn't always had to get her up and in with me) anyway after 5 weeks of the routine I did controlled crying. It worked very well. She knew it was time to sleep because of the routine. 3 days of that and she got it. She didn't really cry that much ( time the crying as it feels like ages but it's actually not for very long)

Have you looked into a sling for the back. I have a cococosie and wore it in back from about 3 months. It's great cause you strap baby into sling itself so you can get them on your back by yourself.

Anyway good luck OP . It's so hard and I am sure you are doing amazing.

@ChittyBang1987 he's not interested in a dummy I've tried over and over

@Wish44 I'm just not ready to do any kind of sleep training as he's still so little. People keep telling me to put him down in his cot and stick to routine routine routine but every time I try to put him down awake in his cot he just cries so hard? Literally from week 2 I couldn't do this.

Do people just persist with the baby crying all the time? If I did this, he'd never nap? / it would take forever for him to go to bed at night time and everyone would end up distraught and exhausted...

I just feel so lost with baby sleep and I can't seem to understand what to do and how other people have such success so quickly?

How old is your toddler? Can they go to nursery?

Hi

Again my sympathies OP. Where is the babies dad in all this? Can he help?

I think that if you are not ready to sleep train that is fine. But you may then have to accept that he will be a very poor sleeper. The mumsnet mantra here is dig deep and it will pass. He will sleep, eventually. Some babies are poor sleepers.I don’t think any mums of bad sleepers find it easy but there are some lucky parents who’s babies seem to know how to sleep. Your baby ( and mine) does not know how to sleep on his own, or stay asleep. The way I came to look at it ( after my first would only sleep attached , literally, to my nipple night and day and I was very very mad with sleep deprivation was that babies can’t do much and they need to be shown how to sleep and that actually teaching them how to sleep well is a gift, as is being part of a family that is not sleep deprived and suffering poor MH. Think how much we look forward to sleep when we are tired. My sleep trained babies all, once trained, looked forward to their cots and snuggles on in at bed time rather than it being a stressful time for them. My first is now 9 and still sleeps well!

I also changed how I thought about babies crying. I know here on MN there are a lot of people saying leaving babies to cry is cruel and that they lie there thinking they have been abandoned. I am sceptical about this. When they cry it’s not the same as us crying. It’s like how they vomit is so different to us. If we were vomming and crying like babies something would be seriously up. But not so with babies. I don’t think that they have concepts like “I have been abandoned “ they cry for all sorts of reason including very minor ones. I know it is awful listening to them cry. Me and DP sat with the timer and held hands listening in tears ourselves. However previously to the sleep training baby had cried a lot and so had I and no one slept.After three days of sleep training with more crying there was then miraculously a huge reduction in crying and an increase in sleep for all parties.

You will get there OP, it’s only quick for people who have babies who sleep. For the rest of us it’s a slog of routine and sleep training or just waiting.Good luck xx

Hello, have you been the doctors? Mine was like this, everytime I put him down he would scream. Would only settle sitting up on my shoulder. I ended up going the doctors who said he had really bad acid reflux, they suggested gripe water, the next day he was sleeping for three hours at a time, a big jump from the 20 minutes a time before. Good luck

I think unfortunately 3 months is still a really tough spot, and it’s hard sleep training that young too (although I know a couple of people who have managed).

I do suspect you’ll need to wrap your head around sleep training soon (maybe after the 4-month regression?) at least for nights. If you’re sleeping more at night, the challenges of the day will feel less bleak, even if nothing else has changed.

Meanwhile, try to accept that you’re in survival mode for another 6-weeks but with an end in sight, and try to get as much help with your toddler as possible so that you can have some quiet time when the baby does nap, even if that’s only for 20-30 minutes. Is there a grandparent you could call on for help, or a local university student looking for a few hours of babysitting during the day?

Hang in there… I’m sorry things are so rough right now!

Thanks everyone for your kind messages.
@Russell19 my toddler goes to preschool but only for 2 half days a week - I might up it to 3 half days. Problem is - I find the preschool days interfere with baby's sleep and routine even more than the other days so I end up getting even more stressed out!!

People say to just let baby fit in with toddler routine but he doesn't sleep on the way or the way back from dropping toddler off so he ends up staying awake all morning until 9:45am then I end up having to go out with him for a walk and I don't get any rest whilst toddler is at school. Then he doesn't sleep when it's the next nap time as it coincides with pick up again so he gets overtired and I have to resort to going for ANOTHER walk with both kids in tow as soon as toddler has had lunch.

@Wish44 thanks for the advice I agree with everything you have said. I did it with my first and I found it so so hard I'm just dreading doing it again. I know it's worth it but I ended up having to train her for WEEKS not days as she just wouldn't have any of it. She'd cry for hours and this went on for days and days. She just wouldn't give up. The thought of my poor little baby doing that again this time round just makes me feel sick I am obviously just not ready / at the end of my tether enough to do it. I will wait for us to get through the regression and maybe start at 5/6 months I think.

Husband works 7am-8pm so not around to help me with anything really.

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers thank you you're right I will accept I'm still in survival mode and at least I know that it does change and get easier / the older they get the more you feel they can handle a kind of sleep training. I have grandparents around but I just don't find it easy to let go and actually disappear and rest when they come to visit.

@boymummys I haven't gone to drs as I feel like he's happy and content otherwise. It's just sleep he's rubbish at. Could I be mistaken?

@UKmumtobe

My boy was happy and content apart from a couple of times not keeping his bottles down, this was apart of the reflux I was told, other then that it was as soon as he lay down. I was told to not lay him down after a feed, and to wait half an hour before he lay down, and to use gripe water, for me this worked a treat, he started sleeping a lot more and for longer, the only reason I did take him though was because the cry " sounded painful" If that makes sense