1 year old sleep/feeding problems

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Sorry this is a long one!
My DD turned 1 a couple of weeks ago, she is formula fed and has been since she was around 6 weeks old. We've always had a difficult time with feeding, first we were told she has CMPI and were prescribed formula then she was prescribed reflux medication as she was very sick. She doesn't have CMPI and I moved her onto Kendamil formula which really agreed with her. Due to the reflux we are still behind on weaning, everything baby led gets thrown on the floor and were on stage 2 thicker purées, she does eat quite well though. She will have about 5oz of a 6oz bottle when she wakes and porridge for breakfast, then mid morning she has another 5oz/6oz bottle (only if she is with me or my DH, she won't take bottles off grandparents or childminder!) She usually has something fruit based for lunch and then for example last night's dinner was fish, potato and veggies she also had some Greek yogurt and fruit. She eats until she is full, if she wants more I will give her more or give her something else. She has a 6oz bottle before bed, she will not take anymore than 6oz.
She was just waking up once a night around midnight for another bottle of 6oz, but now she wakes at 3 am also. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant and quite sick, especially at night and my DH is doing everything. He is working and getting very broken sleep as it can take a while for her to settle. I am also working and do get woken up by it all but my DH insists he does the night feeds as I am usually being sick or flat out, plus my job is much more demanding than his. Before the 3 am wake up for extra bottle she was having around 20oz a day plus water which she sips at as well as her 3 meals. I was really hoping we could drop the midnight bottle soon but it seems impossible when she is waking for more! She is now on kendamil stage 3 toddler milk (refuses cow's milk but will have it in food - fussy baby!) is there anything else we can give her to thicken the bottle and fill her up? I am starting to feel for my DH a bit and with another baby on the way it would be great to get her off the night feeds by the time she's 18 months. She won't hold the bottles herself either so it's not like he can give it to her and she can feed herself and go back to sleep which I know some people do, she has to be taken out of cot and held to feed and then settled again. I can imagine alot of it is a comfort thing with her but I'm just not sure why we are now getting woken up twice, DH has tried settling her at second feed with no bottle but she just gets very distressed, it's easy to give the bottle and have her go back to sleep! Any advice? Is two night feeds normal at this age? I'm always being told she should be well sleeping through by now, at 5 months she slept through for about 2 weeks and since then it's always just been the one night feed unless she's been poorly. Being told by grandparents to thicken her evening bottle but I don't know what to thicken it with?

For lunch is lo only having fruit based stuff? No carbs?

Personally. I think I would play around with that mid-morning bottle. I would do something like.

Breakfast. I give my lo porridge or museli along with toast, muffins, crumpets, etc. I know you're saying it gets chucks. But it's learning and feeling. Also some fruit puree. I offer 8oz about 30 to 40 minutes after her breakfast. She takes anywhere from 4 to 8 oz. There's no problem doing milk first. Just how my lo likes and she had reflux, I find food sits better with her.

When she wakes, it depends on how ravenous I think she is. I sometimes offer a snack. Sometimes, she waits till lunch. Some people do cheese chunks, yoghurt, etc.

Lunch, I would really do something solid based on if you're just giving fruit? Maybe do the same sort of thing as dinner but would always offer finger food on the side. A cracker, breadstick. If it gets chucked around, that's OK. Keep trying and let lo try off your plate, too.

Snack when lo wakes or a bottle whichever you feel fits with you. I personally do bottle before nap, but that's just my way. As I find that if I give a bottle for my lo, she will not eat her dinner.

Dinner, as you do.

Bottle.

Bed.

My lo didn't like cows milk initially, so I did oz by oz. So 7 oz formula 1 oz cows. 6oz formula 2oz cows and so on.

I would night wean, which will likely lead to more eating in the day. I just went with offering my lo water for a few days.

I think that answers everything

Try giving her water at night to discourage night feeding. Also try to give her cups instead of bottle. I'd aim to cut the milk feeds back to just one in the morning when she wakes and one in the evening before teeth cleaning and bed. This will encourage her to increase food intake. Potentially she's not eating more food as she satisfied by the milk. My daughter is the same age and this is where we got her to in the last week or so. You need to nudge her in the right direction.

I suspect the thickening thing means add rice powder. But I think she's too old for this to help now imo. I did do this with my first very hungry baby when when was trying ti resist the urge to wean early. I think you need just get her eating more actual food. Are your health visitors any good? They might be able to help.

Thanks for your advice, will definitely try the weaning with the cow's milk. We were trying night weaning with the formula and watering it down before Xmas but she was waking again for more so went back to full bottles and she was sleeping through from midnight to 6.30 ish but now she is waking for second feed. Perhaps I should tell DH to offer her water at second waking. For lunch when I say fruit based I mean something like avocado on toast, or carrot, courgette and houmous, I just don't do meat at lunch really but she will usually have meat or fish at dinner with potatoes and veg. If she chucks her baby led stuff I will give her purée as I don't want her to be hungry. Do you find with the reflux that your baby gags at the bottle? Sometimes I think she takes more at night because she takes less in the day. She has been known to gag and then vomit her previous meal before the bottle even touches her mouth. But she never ever does this in the night, it's odd. I will try her on some more snacks through the day - just finding it difficult with snacks to give other than fruit and yoghurt as she is so funny with textures, she is under paediatric feeding team and I've been told this because of her reflux but don't know if it's just a texture thing. Thanks for your advice.

And if she's already dropped the mid morning bottle outside the house, just cut that totally now as a first quick win.

Weaning is really tough. Sounds like you're doing a really good job.

Thanks Franca123, our HV team was good but now seems non existent, I don't know if there has been a change in services as my previous midwife service has now closed down and been sent to one in neighbouring council with this pregnancy. Definitely going to increase the food and try more water.

Yep, my lo would definitely gag more in the day. I wouldn't offer any night feeds. Just water. It's a tough few days then should be OK.

As someone said morning and evening bottle is sufficient. I offer 3 bottles as my lo is a chunk - middle of highest percentile for weight and height 😆 at almost 1 year old on 1st march. Wearing 2 - to 3-year-old vests for the height. Though she is independently cutting her lunch time out, she used to have 8oz. We're at about 4 to 5 now, sometimes none. But I offer as more calories in day usually means less night waking.

I think it's 300mls a day calcium they need, and that includes things like cheese and such. Have you tried things like cheese chunks? Cucumber? If my lo won't eat anything cucumber is a good way for her. Biscotti, oat bars. I find aldis selection of baby snacks good. I know they are more expensive. But snacks wise, she loves them. Babybels, too! Pasta is another good snack. Just a handful.

Could you try adding a pudding after every meal to give more calories? Little custard? Yoghurt? Etc.

The purees are great, though if you look at the ingredients, they aren't very filling..... most have vegetables or water first. Maybe puree up a meal you're having and freeze? If you need to. I'm one of those if my lo don't eat lunch, I will offer something else too.

Another tip. After dinner, my lo has a bit dinner, and then will have a yoghurt or custard. Warm weetabix or something similar. Then bottle before bed. Helps keeps them filled

I'd night wean.

You are not going to get her taking extra calories in the daytime if she's having those calories at night. You'll struggle with this if you also have a feeding and sleeping association. So to start with, completely separate feeding and going to sleep at naptime and bedtime. Once that's done, stop offering milk at night full stop. I'd do it all in one go. Comfort other ways and accept the tears for a few nights.

@fatedestiny your back! I haven't seen you on here for ages!

Aww thanks for noticing. After 17 years as a SAHM raising my 4 children, I went back to full time work. So much less time for Mumsetting.

Thanks all for your advice and suggestions. I always make my own purées because although most of them have natural ingredients, I don't know what the ratio is. Tonight she had some beef, mashed potatoes with 2 lots of broccoli and 2 lots of cauliflower and I make her gravy with the piccolo stock cubes. Its blended but has some texture and chunks. I also gave her a corn on the cob to play with but she wasn't bothering with it so I ended up putting some corn off it into her bowl. She then had some Greek yoghurt with strawberries and raspberries in which again I've prepared myself. Don't get me wrong we do use the pouches when we need to but she more than often has something fresh. We are really struggling on solid foods, the most she will have is a bit of toast or the 7 month melty crisps things, everything else has to be blended to smaller chunks. So even when has things like vegetables with houmous it's offered as chunkier purée. I would love her to eat oat bars etc but we are just not progressing. She had an x-ray to check her swallow and it's fine, I'm being told by feeding team it will just take time to progress. If something is too chunky she just gags and vomits then refuses to eat, it's really soul destroying! I've told DH to offer water on second night feed tonight and don't give into the milk. Also going to put some cow's milk in the formula of her evening bottle. Also her evening bottle will be in living room rather than in bedroom, we did that for a while but then she kept refusing it so we went back to doing it before bed after her bath and also after we had brushed her teeth which I know is not great either! We definitely need to cut out the feeding and sleeping association. Thanks again everyone!

@fatedestiny good for you! I'm sure lots of people notice. Your advice is so sound. I have missed your comments.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. Maybe try some cooked brocoli and cauliflower for finger food too!