Please help sleep issues with DD5

[imsoverytired83]

DD6 has sleep issues and they are killing me, my relationship, my marriage, my career and my mental health. Please help. Im so exhausted.

DD screams and cries at bedtime saying she’s scared but when asks she cant tell us what she is scared of. We can just about persuade her to stay in bed with threats/promises ‘we need you to go to sleep because we will be very tired tomorrow’, we check under her bed, wardrobe, bedding the door for monsters to reassure her. She cries and we have to go back for a hug and a kiss, we say happily ‘time to sleep did, see you in the morning, love you’. She goes to bed at 8pm. Her routine for bedtime is strong, we watch a little tv, story, brush teeth, sometimes have a bath, shower. She has a sister who is 2 years older who goes to bed no issues.

She will proceed to get up throughout the evening and come downstairs a and we take it in turns to put her to bed. After about 5 times, we get crossed with her. She will say no she’s like ‘I don’t like my bedroom’, ‘the teddy’s looking at me have eyes’, ‘it’s too dark’ etc etc.

When we go to bed it continues and if we put her to bed she will scream for hours. We have treated gradual retreat, sitting on the hallway, melantonin gummies, weighted brackets, getting cross, giving her a choice of bedrooms nothing works. She ends up sleeping in our bed and i end up sleeping in her bed. I am exhausted and just want to sleep with my husband again. My husband will be woken up multiple times a night from her kicking him.

I have spoken to my GP who says its behavioural so she cant help me.

During the day DD5 `(6 in the summer) is very anxious, will not go upstairs on her own, will not go to the toilet on her own (makes me wipe her bum), wont be in a room non her own (wont dress herself) as she is scared (but cant tell us what she is scared of. I am at my wits end.

I have spoke to school who say she is fine, is a quick learner with loots of friends and no sign of anxiety. She has a very close friend at school and she will cry if she cant speak to her on FaceTime or when we have to leave their house after a play date.

Sorry about the long post but i am so tired, I haven’t had a good nights sleep in years due to all of this.

A couple of things you might want to to try

One is sleeping with her sheets for a couple of days before you put them on her bed. This is often done with newborns as it gives them a reassuring smell of you whilst they slept but still might work at this age.

The other is just to put her in your bed. you might not want her in there but she might decide it's too in comfy herself abs go into her own room and surely you'd get more sleep than you're getting now?

IF I put her in my bed she constantly kicks me or my husband and is very restless but that’s where she is now.
She’s currently in our bed, and i am in her bed again. I cant remember the last time my husband and I shared a bed.

We cant even have a break for a night as she does it with family members and friends who are so exhausted after one night.

Is she neurotypical @imsoverytired83? My DD had sleep and food issues for many years. She still does but she doesn't require as much input from us.

She's currently being assessed for ASD.

@BunnyRuddington I think she is. She seems to be ok in other areas- friendship making, education, eye contact all those things. She deliberately winds her older sister up though.

@BunnyRuddington Food wise she will try anything - mussels, all meats, textures, rice dishes, etc

She's certainly got the both of you well trained, I'm afraid. She's in control here and she knows it. I would take a much firmer hand and stop with all of the placating rituals that are getting you no where.

No more checking under the bed, no more checking for monsters, because why would you? They don't exist. By doing all that you're just feeding her imagination and anxieties. No more reading until she starts going to bed properly like her sibling, and no more sleeping in your bed. She's manipulating you, not with malice if course, but children know how to make parents dance to their tune.

Long before bedtime, I would tell her there are big changes happening from this day on, because no one is happy and no one is getting proper sleep.

@Aquamarine1029 I think you are probably right. It’s just the screaming - like she’s going to be murdered (Im surprised social services havent been called by the neighbours) and proper out of breath anxiety.

It’s just the screaming - like she’s going to be murdered (Im surprised social services havent been called by the neighbours) and proper out of breath anxiety.

She does this because it works. You're going to have to ride this out and take control back.

Is there room to put her mattress or a small blow up bed in your room on the floor? It sounds like she is struggling right now and wants you close. Perhaps this would give her the comfort you need, whilst meaning you can sleep in your bed with your husband.

I really sympathise as we had this with our eldest when she was around the same age. Admittedly though she didn't scream, just kept getting up repeatedly.

One thing that helped was having a dim lamp on so it wasn't too dark, and she had story tapes that she would listen to after we went downstairs. We also did star charts with rewards for so many nights sleep!

Tommee tippee do a penguin nightlight which is brilliant, you can adjust the brightness and it has a removable egg for toilet trips etc - it's very soothing

Remove teddies if they are scaring her

Thank you - Today I asked her ‘why are you scared to sleep in your bedroom?’ And she couldn’t answer. Then i said ‘you aren’t scared at all are you?’ And she shook her head. I have been had!!!

I am back to square 1 with this. Another night of broken sleep i am like a zombie.