How can I help my DS learn to go to sleep.

[Stefka]

He's 10 weeks old and once he is asleep he sleeps well it takes hours to get him there though. Last night for example he had a bath about seven, changed into jammies then a feed him (BF). He was in his cot by eight. I didn't get him to go to sleep until 3am. During those hours he cries every time he is put down. I have tried swaddling him, rocking him, giving him a dummy, nursing him several times and nothing seems to work. He just doesn't go to sleep until about 2-3am.

Any clues to what I am doing wrong or what I can do to help him sleep? He will fall asleep in my arms but wakes up crying as soon as I put him down. He dozes a bit during this time - for about ten minutes but by 2am he is as exhausted as I am.

He doesn't sleep loads during the day but today I am going to ensure naps are no more than 2 hours to see if it helps.

All advice welcome!

Hi Stefka,
My DD2 is 14 weeks and three weeks ago I was in the same position as you, except that she wouldn't sleep during the day either! Like you I tried everything but she cried whenever put down.

I might get flamed for this but in the end I steeled myself and left the room. Yes, she cried and I kept going in every few minutes to stroke her, replace the dummy etc (but not to pick up!) The first time it took about 30 mins for her to sleep but after that each time was a little quicker. By the time we went to the ILs for Christmas she was going down (both in day and at night)awake and falling asleep minutes later after no or minimal crying.

I know many people are deeply opposed to leaving a baby to cry for any length of time but my personal experience suggests it works for some babies. I have had two girls who only learned to sleep when left alone, and seemed to need to cry a bit. In any event, they cried whether I was holding them or not, and I think my presence stimulated them too much for them to drop off. I couldn't do it before about 12 weeks with either of them, however- mine both seemed to go through a real development threshold at that point.

I think this is more or less the method the Baby Whisperer recommends, have you had a look at that?

I don't know that method. It's a book right? I will have to see if the library have it. Is it simple to follow?

Yes, second the late nap. DD also sleeps fro 4.30-5ish on her good days (she is not regular as clockwork yet!)

Stefka, 'Secrets of the Baby Whisperer' is a book by Tracey Hogg and should be easy to get hold of. I think she also had a TV show on one of the US channels until she died last year. Her 'method' aims to steer a middle course between the strict routines advocated by certain baby gurus (!) and the alternative of having no structure to the day/ night. Like all methods, it's quite interesting to read it, take the bits that suit you and instantly forget the stuff you don't agree with. I did find her stuff on sleep helpful for me, however.

Yes, second the late nap. DD also sleeps fro 4.30-5ish on her good days (she is not regular as clockwork yet!)

Stefka, 'Secrets of the Baby Whisperer' is a book by Tracey Hogg and should be easy to get hold of. I think she also had a TV show on one of the US channels until she died last year. Her 'method' aims to steer a middle course between the strict routines advocated by certain baby gurus (!) and the alternative of having no structure to the day/ night. Like all methods, it's quite interesting to read it, take the bits that suit you and instantly forget the stuff you don't agree with. I did find her stuff on sleep helpful for me, however.

I am glad you said that - my DH is all for not letting him sleep much during the day but I don't see how that will help. I don't want him to sleep for hours of course but he doesn't really do that anyway.

sorry for double post!

I haven't read the thread properly, so sorry if I repeat anything that anyone else has said. Apparently babies have a hard time settling themselves to sleep and it's best to put them in the cot whilst they're still awake so they know how they got there, otherwise they wake up in the cot and may feel frightened. The thing I found that worked with my DD, now 7 months, was leaving her in the moses basket and never taking her out if she cried, as long as I knew she wasn't hungry, and only taking her out for feeds. Patting her tummy works aswell, as it reminds babies of the beat of your heart inside the womb and can soothe them. Also, as the moses basket was next to my bed I would hold her hand for a while, until she fell asleep, just to remind her that I was still there.

Oh yeah, and I always let her sleep as much as she wants to during the day. Now she's in her own room and she's fab at nights. I really hope it gets better for you. It's so hard when they don't sleep. xx

I have been letting him sleep as much as he wants during the day - that is why I was wondering if it was a problem or not. I do also put him in his crib before he is asleep - he's ok for about ten minutes then he starts screaming. DH keeps on at me to leave him to cry but I find that very hard to do.

DD was hard to settle too at that age. I think babies of your ds's age get tired after they have been awake for about 2 hrs and then need a nap. DD was having a nap at 9 for 45 -60 mins, then another at 12 for 2-2 1/2 hrs then another 1/2hr between 4.30 and 5. She was then ready to go to bed properly at 7, after her bath and feed.

I still have to make sure she is very well winded before putting her down, otherwise she screams and screams (but you get to know whether or not the cry is because they are tired or if there is something wrong. I do have to leave dd to cry sometimes still, but the do keep with it.

Good luck