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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

DS (2y10m) wants to be in our bed every night, help me stop him, pref. without tears!

27 replies

TheBlonde · 02/01/2008 11:05

DS (2y10m) has been a crap sleeper since he was moved to a bed
Now he wants to join us at every night waking and wails if refused (and wakes the baby)

I have been slack over Xmas and have been giving in for the sake of peace and quiet.
But I don't get any sleep with him in the bed.

Are there any solutions that don't involve him wailing?
DH is talking about putting a bed on the floor in our room for him but I think he'll just want to get in ours

OP posts:

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Twinkie1 · 02/01/2008 11:14

Do the super nanny thing and if it fails get a gate - that is what we did in the end with DS - tough love but it worked. We were al like zombies for a while as both myself and DH were kept awak by his screaming and shouting but it worked very quickly - when he realised he wasn't going to get his own way - if he did manage a whole night in his bed though I took him to local shop and bought him comic or sweet and praised hi and then after a week let him chose soe playmobil and made a huge fuss telling everyone how great he was infront of him and making sure they praised him too!

It is a few days work and stress for some lovely quiet times in the future!

Original poster

TheBlonde · 02/01/2008 11:15

What is the super nanny thing?

We have a gate but he just wails at it until the baby cries

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Rosylily · 02/01/2008 11:23

I think the mattress on the floor idea might be good. My ds2 who is 2 months older than yours is also playing up a bit, not wailing but just climbing into my bed/ waking most nights at the moment.
When I said to him you have to stop this he says 'sorry'. Very disarming!

Original poster

TheBlonde · 02/01/2008 16:52

bump

OP posts:

mummymagic · 02/01/2008 17:01

Games during day?

Play lots of 'where does mummy sleep?' in the bath, NOOOOOOO, in the washing machine, NOOOOOOO, in mummy's bed, YEEEEES 'where does ds sleep?' etc etc. we do this about every day!!

and keep certain toys that 'live' in his bed and he can tuck up in bed and say night night (as you do) and then pretend to leave them and go downstairs, come back and see they are ok

basically lots of playing around going to bed and being happy in bed.

and also make sure he knows what to expect - eg you are not going to go to bed with him tonight (mattress on floor might be good first compromise or actually why not a mattress in YOUR room like your dh says... again you have to explain a lot i think)

just some ideas that worked v well with our (admittedly much younger) dd who LOVES bed (although i do sleep with her in it sometimes !!).

Don't treat it like a bad habit that needs to be broken, rather a new skill that has to be learned IYKWIM

sparklesandwine · 02/01/2008 17:07

Unfortunatley i don't think there is a way to do it without tears

The bed in your room is not something i would personally do as i think it defeats the object of teaching your ds to stay in his own bed, BUT that all depends on whether you want/mind your ds being in the room with you? but if that doesn't bother you then you could give it a go

If you want your DS to stay in his own bed in his own room then you will have to get tough and follow the same routine every night and keep putting him back in his bed when he gets out, it will be hard work and tireing for you all but it will work, generally after a week or 2 things will get much better - But if you do this then he will go through a stage of it getting better for a few days and you think you've cracked it then it will get worse again but you will just have to follow the same routine and stick your ground

I have done this with my DC and its not easy but it is worth it if you like me like you own space and sleep

mummymagic · 02/01/2008 17:31

I agree you need to be consistent but I don't think it has to be tears. Bedtime isn't meant to be horrible!!

I do think you will need to think about the 'rules' if you have mattress in your room and make them clear. If you really don't mind him sleeping in your room if he wakes (i'd def be more for this than the constant putting back in bed thing) then why not say you need to come in quietly and sleep on the floor - you can play and practise this one like a game... 'quiet quiet'... And what happens if he does climb in with you? Are you going to insist he sleeps on the floor - maybe a choice - your room or the floor? Work out what you can be consistent with and what happens 'if'?

But try approaching it with silliness and happiness and fun and games first

PippiCalzelunghe · 02/01/2008 17:58

I agree with sparklesandwine unfortunately our way it did involve tears. DD (2.5) has been going through this stage as well.
it is tiring, stressful, def teary (and not only for DD) but main thing is CONSISTENCY!!! same routine and no giving in. also agree lots of praise after and lots of playing in the bedroom and on the bed.

I wouldn't do the bed on the floor only because I want my own space do not want to go through this again when you want to move him to his own room.

I hope she'll be fine by the time DD2 arrives tbh.

sparklesandwine · 02/01/2008 18:12

btw my dc LOVE their beds and love actually going to bed as we have made it fun, it was just hard in the first instance

our routine is

TV/play after tea
Tidy up toys (so they know no more play when they come back down)
Bath time and getting sorted for next day
downstairs for milk and a story together
then up to bed!

same routine every night, they know the 'quiet time' signs now and enjoy the fun games we use for tidying up and the bath, but i don't use 'games' as such before i put them to bed so that they don't get 'excited' again after the bath, we then go down for a couple of quiet stories and they are relaxed and settled before bed

Good Luck!

Original poster

TheBlonde · 02/01/2008 18:36

it's not the bedtime routine that's the issue
the problem is him waking at 10 or 11pm or 2 or 3am and he then wants to join us in bed

OP posts:

mummymagic · 02/01/2008 18:44

the games i suggested are for during the day. nowhere near bedtime.

not suggesting there definitely won't be tears but there don't HAVE to be ... and also you need to know what you realistically can be firm and consistent with (and won't give in - eg for me, I know I can be firm and consistent 'no milk at night' but I will wobble over whether to give water or not so there is no point me making a no water rule cos I will just break it IYKWIM).

consistency IS the key I agree.

sparklesandwine · 02/01/2008 18:52

is there a reason why he wakes? is he cold at that time? or is it just habit now?

DS3 used to wake about 2am and after a while we realised hewas waking because the temp had dropped and he was cold so put him a sleeping bag and a blanket then he was fine!

sparklesandwine · 02/01/2008 18:54

i agree with mummymagic about the 'rules' if you know you won't stick with them don't make them or you will only end up feeling frustrated with yourself and adding more stress

PippiCalzelunghe · 02/01/2008 20:42

that's what mine keeps doing and I think it's a habit personally. the minute she minimally awakes she's out of her bed and in front of our bedroom. she now knows that she won't come up before 7am (but I think she secretely hopes it is 7 everytime). (I aldo think that stopping her coming into our bed for a mini nap in the morning would be better but that's one thing I know I won;t be consistent on so unable to enforce.) It's now a habit and quite annoying as she does it half awake and as soon as she sees us she turns and jump in her bed...only to wake up again 1/2 hour later once we are asleep again - very very testing on someone patience. thought about putting the gate but tbh she does not react very well too constriction like this - last time we put the side of the bed up again to stop her from getting out and she threw herself out of the cot in total insane distress.
now she doesn't do it too often and we have stopped her sleeping during the day as she did not seem to need it as much.
I think it's a phase she's going through and hope it'll pass soon.
however if anyone knows better please do tell me as sometimes I am not as calm about it as this.

auntymandy · 02/01/2008 20:46

if it doesnt bother you then dont do anything. if it does. firmly keep taking him back to bed.

ProjectIcarus · 02/01/2008 20:48

How old is the baby? And is he/she in your room?

Original poster

TheBlonde · 02/01/2008 21:37

Thanks for all the replies

ProjectIcarus - the baby is 9mths and is in the room next to ours. DS is in the back room

OP posts:

thegrowlygus · 02/01/2008 21:50

No grand advice but similar problem here! DS1 (3) gets out of bed and wants to get in ours. We did crack it a while ago with being firm and putting him to bed - but similary to you, caved when DS2 came along and sleeps badly too!

We bought a bunny lamp (bottom half bunny asleep, changes to top half bunny awake at a time that you preset - idea being that he stays in bed if bunny in bed). Complete disaster. He totally understands. He comes to tell us that the bunny is still asleep and cosy in bunny's bed, but his bed isn't cosy and he wants to get in ours!!!

Thankfully the blasted bunny is now broken (it was also waking him up as he has never had a nightlight, so even if he vaguely woke up he would see the damned bunny and come to tell us it was asleep).

So there is my advice. Don't fall for the bunny gimmick. Bunny sleeps. No other bugger does.

We are going back to firmly, quietly and with no fuss, putting him back to bed. Thing is he doesn't really seem to remember the next day so I really don't think he is properly awake when he does it, so I am not sure that lots of praise for staying in bed would work - as even if he is up he doesn't remember!

I wouldn't mind him getting in bed with me but he fidgets SOOOOO much!

mummymagic · 02/01/2008 21:53

Thanks for warning about bunny clock... it was on my wishlist...

PippiCalzelunghe · 02/01/2008 22:03

The bunny clock seemed a really good idea as DD does not get the time yet... before I got to the end of the post. mind you you're right, she won;t stay in bed just because bunny is in bed, I can just see her coming to tell us he's asleep.
so temted to try though... so desperate I am.

thegrowlygus · 02/01/2008 23:11

Well - you could've had ours - but now night time bunny doesn't light up at all which really doesn't help matters

Original poster

TheBlonde · 04/01/2008 08:59

point taken on the bunny clock

both nights I have put him back to bed to much crying
gave up last night and ignored him so he slept on the hall floor from 2am

the good news is that so far he hasn't woken the baby

OP posts:

PippiCalzelunghe · 04/01/2008 12:26

mine woke up as well at about 1pm. she gets up and stands in the corridir - goes straight to bed if I get up and point at it. only to get up again after 1/2 an hour. she did it a few times and then either understood she was not going anywhwere or collapsed.
do you think we should ignore her and leave her to cry by the bedside? possible? should we buy ear plugs?

mijudi · 04/01/2008 21:19

Hi,
Im new on here and looking for similar advise. My 2.3 yr old DD started getting up in the night and coming through to my room.I kept getting up and taking her back to her bed and after many sleepless nights gave in and let her sleep with me.
Its now at the stage where she wakes at around 2am and wants her milk as well as sleeping with me.
There has been quitre a bit of upheaval over the last 2 months but it seems there is just one excuse after another (on my side)
Im a single working mum and at my wits end as I havent had a decent nights sleep for about 2 months now.

Any advise? It would seem the gate in her bedroom and pure perseverance in taking her back to bed or ignoring the crying is workoing but what about the demand for milk?

Any advise is welcome

PippiCalzelunghe · 04/01/2008 21:29

mijudi mine never asked for milk. she asks for water however and tbh it's just an excuse 'cos even if we leave a cup by the bedside she'd still get up and walk all the way to our room.

yes the key is perseverance although it is easy to say and almost impossible to do. If I were on my own on a double bed I'd have given in a million times. it's just that being pg and with DH being quite tall there's hardly any space for me anyway atm.

I went through a phase were I was crying more than her as I could not understand why and was at my wits end with stress, sense of failure etc.

in my case I have stopped the daytime nap (unless she's exhausted for some reason) as she really did not seem to need one as much. it did help, but reall as it was said it is all about breaking the habit.

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