sleep and older children

[isitbedtimeyet]

I've changed my name for this to avoid feeling guilty about talking about my son.It's driving me and dh mad in the evenings that we are just not allowed any peace at all.Ds is 8 and will constantly come downstairs a few times sometimes until 11.30 is the latest he has been down.He demands food,it's no wonder he's hungry if he is staying up til that hour!And drinks.He reads like a fish usually until 9.30 or 10 when we go up and insist he settles down.Sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't.The other problem is he wets the bed about once a week or at least his trousers.Dh reckons it is because he is so tired when he goes to sleep he is zonked out.My mother thinks I should be very firm with him and even shout.TBH Dh sometimes does lose it a bit with him but it doesn't seem to make much difference.Sometimes he's still awake when we want to go to bed and we feel like we haven't had an evening together.What can you advise us?

IITFBY - do you think you could talk and 'bargain' with your son on this issue. I mean actually asking him why he comes down and making some concessions so he doesn't. I think children of that age need around 10 hours a night (though if your son isn't too tired the next day he may need less), so you could work back from his getting up time eg if he gets up at 7.30 say he can go to bed at 9pm and read for up to an hour or 9.30 and read for half an hour (or something). You could suggest making his bed time later but in return he must stay in his room once he has gone up. He can take a glass of water and a biscuit and books but NO COMING DOWN. Maybe you could ask him what bed time he thinks is reasonable enough to stop him coming downstairs. Maybe he just isn't tired when he goes up and so doesn't associate bed with feeling tired? You may think this is ludicrously permissive and I do know how desperate you get for some private time but it might work! BTW a friend of mine researched bedwetting for an article recently and found it was incredibly common even in older children, esp boys. Apparently it often runs in families, usually father to son...

KKgirl one of my children is called Tallulah!

I've only just seen this thread but would like to make one suggestion which has always been applicable to my children,especially the 2 boys-is he physically tired when he goes to bed? Maybe he needs some sort of sporting activity after school to tire him a bit.I know its difficult now its dark early in the evening but it may just help.

lou33

I think Tallulah is a gorgeous name and although the toy cat is called it we sometimes call our dd Mallulah as well.
Did you get the idea from Bugsy Malone?

Ooh thankyou Aloha for telling me about your friends article and how common it is.The whole reason I changed my name is because I thought there was something wrong with him wetting the bed at that age as dh says he never used to,and I am the type of person who would feel I have given away a secret of ds's and betrayed him.So it is some comfort to know he's maybe not so unusual.I'm so glad by the way you have started posting again as your posts were up there with the most interesting ones.Grmum thanks,you may be right as when I read that it made me remember that he said he couldn't go to sleep as he isn't tired.He only does karate at the weekends at the moment and no other activities so maybe I should talk to dh about what else he could do.You know it doesn't really occur to me as me and dh are THE most unsporty people around.Is it possible he may have a stray throwback active gene??

I've always liked the name, but can't say where I got it from really. There was the actress Tallulah Bankhead, and of course the Bugsy Malone character, but it is originally North American Indian, meaning something like laughing water, and there is a Tallulah Falls in Georgia USA I believe.