Bedtime shit shows and sleep deprivation for 2.5 years

[Joelijane]

To give context I have a 2.5 and 5 year old, still bf the little one every night too as living in a 2 bed flat and wfh part time, I was too exhausted and in close proximity to sustain weaning attempts. If he got ill etc or I was completely exhausted it was back to square 1. My 5 year old has always been spirited and a bit volatile too. I find myself loosing it more and more, getting overwhelmed and crying alot, feeling panic at times, rage then total despair. My job is tough working with high risk clients but I am leaving after 10 years in 2 weeks. My partner is supportive trying to facilitate naps for me etc but the slack is hard to find. I'm studying too which is short term but deadline is in 2 weeks. Bedtime has always been a shit show with our 5 yr old seeming to be more night owl however I agreed begrudgingly we can do it at 9pm (though I wanted 8 or 8.30) so partner does bed with 5 yr old and I'm with baby.... however its me cajooling the family through every step of the evening, pick up, playtime, cooking, tidying, bath time, teeth time bedtime. I just fucking lost it tonight, wtf this drags on till 9.30 often. I ended up going to the bathroom to do my teeth then throwing a tube of toothpaste hard into the bath, just to release something. So wondering anyone else loosing their shit like me or secretly throwing things to vent? Obviously I argued with my partner who thought I was very unreasonable for not letting him see the end of the match.

That sounds tough. I think you need to stop the breastfeeding before bed. Would your partner be able to put both children to bed for a few nights straight whilst you go out / stay away, so your little one won't be able to see you?
I sympathise, mine are never asleep before nine. But we do one puts both to bed whilst the other tidies and cleans up the kitchen.
We've started putting them in their pyjamas much earlier as well.

Yes, we've attempted that though always slipped back. Tbh I think it's more that my partner wants to stay up and doesn't instigate any part of the routine that infuriates me. Will retry partner doing the bedtime x

So really you don’t have any evening child free time. You sound very tired.
Can you go away for a weekend to a hotel and get some sleep back?
Maybe it’s time to end the breast feeding?
And sit down with your other half - write up a night time schedule. A bath every night is nice but maybe not necessary - it takes up a lot of time. Try to bring bed time forward to 8:00
The reward is more down time for both of you in the evening.
And it’s ok to be firm - and stick to timetables - it will be a shock at first but it’s worth persevering. A bath doesnt have to be an extended thing. 10 minutes is sufficient on a week night.

Also DH used to do the bedtime routine and we shared stories. At that time of Day i had no patience. I just wanted them to be in bed. I was just so tired.

Partner definitely needs to take up some of this slack!

Don't be hard on yourself, you've done what you needed to get by. You've got two more weeks of study and two more weeks of work. Get through this then prioritise a consistent bedtime routine, be tough where you need to be - you can't do this when your utterly exhausted, you'll just do anything for rest and sleep!! I know, been there and done that!!

Things will get better, but your partner will have to take his parenting role seriously and also have your back, without this it's going to be really hard.

(I have also thrown many an object, slammed many a door and screamed into pillows so your not alone!)

Thank you, yes, schedule sounds good, will give a better balance of tasks. Spoke to my partner now and he's at his wits end too. Both wfh and still looking after 2 year old juggling it between us until he starts nursery 1st March. All set to get more routine hopefully. Thanks for the help xxx

Sorry but 2.5 yo is not a baby, that's a toddler who has probably outgrown their naps if they are awake until 9.30pm. My DD is the same age, was going the same way so cut the nap and she's now down at 6.30pm latest and falls asleep as her head hits the pillow now. Makes life much easier all round!! No need for baths everynight, just a simple brush teeth/wash face/pyjamas on/story time routine with zero fuss would probably be more helpful all round. You all need a break and a decent sleep!