3 week old only sleeping when held at night

[sleeplessinyork]

Hello,

My 3 week old DD will not sleep at night unless me or DH hold her. She sleeps fine during the day downstairs in her Moses basket. At night she has a snuzpod in our room but we also tried the Moses basket which was no help. She normally falls asleep during feeding (she's breastfed), then I put her in the snuzpod asleep but within 10 minutes she will start wriggling and making lots of noise eventually working herself up to crying if not picked up. Very occasionally she will sleep longer than 10 minutes after her evening feed (up to an hour) but never later on in the night.

Does anyone have any advice? Do we just have to wait for her to figure out day and night?

We have tried white noise, warming her crib before putting her down, my t-shirt in her crib, but nothing seems to help. Considering a dummy but breastfeeding is a struggle still so I'd rather wait for that to be better before introducing a dummy.

At the minute DH and I are taking turns holding her throughout the night but DH is going back to work next week so I'll be on my own then and I'm not sure how I'll manage. I'm completely exhausted as it is. To make matters worse breastfeeding is really painful still especially at night when I'm tired, so I'm dreading nights. I'm completely at my wit's end and really struggling to bond with DD because of the exhaustion and the pain.

Any advice would be massively appreciated.

Hello

This is a really common issue. Your baby wants to know you are there. This is all very normal.

But I think you may need breastfeeding help - try the la leche league or similar - because it is not normal for it to hurt and that would be a big improvement for you if you didn't have pain.

In the next week can you and dh just focus on catching up on sleep so you at least feel more sane?

Try not to panic, I know that is an annoying thing to say but at this stage it is all changing so fast, next week it could click.

Also read up on growth spurts, cluster feeding, these help explain why there is constant waking at night.

You don't have to continue with bf-ing btw, but if you do want to, it helps mentally to work with the baby, so it helps to understand - at that age my friend's baby had a ten-day period of feeding for 45 mins in every hour through the night but then... it calmed right down.

Agree about the dummy if you want to bf going forwards.

Thank you 💖

I've had several appointments already to try to help with breastfeeding but it's just not clicked so far. DD doesn't open her mouth wide enough a lot of the time. We got another appointment later this week at the breastfeeding clinic.

It is good you are getting help. What I guess I want to say as an ancient parent with big kids is I really remember this bit, and how exhausted we were, and it is truly scary but I promise it gets better.

When you say you are struggling to bond, are you really? Or do you mean you're exhausted and overwhelmed? It is so hard to tell at that phase because you'd probably cut your arm off for eight hours' sleep but you can speak to someone about you too.

I remember dividing the day in my head - if dh is at work for ten hours you obviously have to do that. But in the other 14 hours how will you both get six hours sleep? That is the challenge but we managed (just) by focusing on that above all else.

Have you tried swaddling her? Both my babies have woken themselves up with their flailing arms and legs but I used a love2dream sleep sack which helped loads. They seemed much more comfy and secure. My now 15 week old was like yours and only wanted to be held at night but something clicked and now she’s mostly sleeping the whole night in her next 2me crib. Hugs to you OP, these first few weeks can be so intense but like everything with babies and kids, this is probably a phase.

I do find it frustrating when other posters say it's normal because it's not, and it's very unhelpful as it may stop someone getting the essential help they need.

You are all going through a very, very difficult time and the breastfeeding challenges don't help, of course you're not going to be able to bond well with your baby at the moment, but that will come when these horrendous challenges get better.

It could be reflux. Both my daughters had it and it was hell. Both of them wouldn't sleep at night without being held. I would be on repeat - getting them off to sleep and putting them down only for them to wake up within 20 mins wriggling and then get really upset. The breastfeeding provides them with temporary relief hence they fall asleep feeding. But milk may make reflux worse.

Reflux can be treated with medicine omprezale or gaviscon may help. Gaviscon was useless when mine were babies but helps my eldest now.

It may not be reflux though. It's impossible to know. GPs are generally poor at diagnosing and resistant to medicating young babies - but the medicine made a big difference to us and our mental and physical health.

Reflux can be caused by dairy intolerance (soya to) but it can also be due to other reasons.

Tongue tie can also cause the issues you're describing as well.

There are Facebook support groups on reflux and you may identify with the challenges other parents are facing.

So I would say it's not normal, no doubt things are desperate for you, film your daughter wriggling and take it to your go, ensure they take you seriously or see another one. You need help and are right to ask for it. This is not normal. Things will get better with good support. Good luck.

Its so tough isn't it?!!!

Just perseverance has helped us, DS is now 7 weeks old and its only in the last few days he's been going down on his own in the bedside crib for more than 20 minutes.

Something that helped us was split shift sleeping. So I'd sleep from 7pm for as long as DS didn't need feeding, usually about 10.30pm, then DH till about 4.30am, then I'd sleep till DH needed to leave for work. He showers with DS on the bathroom floor. Getting 6 hours uninterrupted is enough when you have a newborn, and you can sleep in the day to catch up.

Its really shit, but its not forever, even though it feels like that!

Yes to swaddle sacks, we have a few but he's just growing out the love to dream,so dunno what we'll do tonight!

We found a lot of it was wind, so its an underdeveloped digestive system dealing with gas. Make sure to burp very well, bicycle legs and tummy massage to encourage farming, gripe water has helped immensely, but that's from a month old, at least the brand we have is. There is infacol that can be used from birth too, but it can make reflux worse if they have it as its got orange in it. The fact your baby will sleep layed down during the day suggests its not reflux though.

We've gone through it all before with our older DS now aged 3 too!!

Babies not sleeping in a cot/moses basket/whatever at three weeks is incredibly common

Yes it could be reflux, that could be checked I suppose, but non-reflux babies also are awake all the bloody time IME.

My DS was exactly the same and DH and I took shifts too! Weeks 3 & 4 I ended up cosleeping to save my sanity (HV actually suggested it) and it did help.

Then all of a sudden at about 5-6 weeks, DS randomly decided he would actually sleep in his Snuzpod at night! It was so out of the blue (and he still wouldn't nap anywhere but on us in the day ). We used the Love to Dream swaddle bag which helped.

I just wanted to pass on our experience to give you a bit of hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel - when DS was 3 weeks old I never would've believed it was possible, but it really does get better!

Your DH can still help with his child when he is back at work. It might be that you need to shift sleep times around, but you can go yo bed when he gets home from work and he can get up early etc to give you some uninterrupted sleep. Yes, there may be an underlying cause, but it is very common at this age. They grow quickly, so it won't always be this way.

Not sure what they’re called, but there are cots that sit next to your bed, with no side between you. Co-sleeping but not. Something like “next to me”, “close to me”?
Our grandson was in one at night from birth and mum and dad never had any sleep problems. They also had a fluffy toy that sat in the cot and played in vitro sounds.

In the early days of breastfeeding I kept topped up with paracetamol and ibuprofen. All it takes is one bad latch to cause damage and then you can end up in awful pain every feed because you're aggravating the injury. Lasinoh and keep up with the painkillers. Keep an eye on that latch too- if in doubt, reposition.

Lasinoh cream also helped me immensely when BFing. I mainly fed lying on my side or with baby on a pillow on my lap so they were in a better position.

During the first few weeks my nipples got very sore. I decided to try nipple shields because it was either that or I give up BFing. I know that often they're not recommended.

The shields worked really well and stopped the pain. Baby fed just fine through them and it gave my boobs enough time to recover so that a week or so later I could carry on without them. You might want to see if they help or not.

As for sleeping at night both of my babies would also wake as soon as I put them in a cot or moses basket. I opted for cosleeping as that actually gave us all an ok amount of sleep.

Thank you everyone for all the advice and encouragement. I'm going to try swaddling tomorrow night and persist a bit longer with the white noise. I'm trying my best to wind her after every feed, but as she sleeps fine during the day not sure it's a reflux issue.

Had exactly this issue. Cosleeping following the instructions from the lullaby trust, and nipple shields to rest the breast for 24 hours and then alternate feeds for a bit, really help!

@sleeplessinyork how was swaddling? We are going through same thing with our 2 week old!

@thingymaboob no improvement I'm afraid. I'll try for a few more nights. My friend's DS hated being swaddled at first but after a few nights it helped so I'll persist for a few more days

@sleeplessinyork we have the tommee Tippee dream maker light / pink noise which helps too. £30 well spent!

I had this too with my first. By accident I discovered co sleeping. She slept through.
Follow the safe co sleeping guidelines.

I also tried swaddling which worked sometimes.
I mix fed as the health visitor suggested it. This also seemed to help.
My dad would say she must have an in built spirit level as she’d know as soon as she was put down!

It’s hard going these first few weeks. Try everything.

Nipple shields worked well for me.
Co sleeping also saved my sanity! It can be done safely and we only did it for a few weeks until my ds was 12weeks then he was back in his next to me.

Good luck op, hope things improve for you.

@GLTM it is normal...in my experience (which is a few!) and for others.

I slept with all of mine, holding them against me, Hand on back, tapping them.

A couple of mine had reflux and we needed to feed upright for a few weeks but otherwise...it was normal!

Mine used to fall asleep while feeding too at that age. It's only light sleep to start with. If you can bring yourself to stay still and hold them for a while longer (frustrating when you are desperate to go to sleep yourself), and wait until they move into deep sleep, then you might have more luck with them staying asleep longer than 10 min when you put them down. Though 2hrs between feeds at nights at 3 weeks old is fairly normal, so be prepared for that. I found it usually took my babies about 20min from the end of a feed to deep sleep - with a bit of practice you will learn to recognise the change in their breathing patterns between light and deep sleep - they tend to get steadier and quieter. Good luck!