3 year old never slept through and want another baby

[Mh16c]

Hi everyone,

I know there are a lot of tired mums on here so I’m hoping someone will be able to help?

My son who is 3 has never slept through the night since birth, we are actually waiting on some test results for a type of nocturnal epilepsy. He wakes 15-20 times per night, consistently. Currently, I have to sleep on a mattress on his bedroom floor to help deal with the night wake ups. Most of the time he’ll go back to his bed or if it’s a really confused night I’ll cuddle him as it’s quite scary for him.

I’ve come to accept these night wake ups, but we really want to try for another baby. I’ve always wanted a big family, my son is our first. I just worry how I would cope with a newborn and a toddler who will probably never sleep properly.

Just wondered if any other mums out there still co slept, not bed shared. With their toddler and went on to have another baby? How did you make it work? I would obviously keep the baby and toddler separate for safe sleeping considering it’s more than likely he has epilepsy. My husband said he would also get up with the newborn but men have a hard time waking up or even hearing a baby I swear lol. So I know it’ll all fall to me eventually.

Am I mad for wanting another one? I hope there are some other mums out there who have had something similar :)

Op why do you not just bring him into your bed. If you know there is an issue why fight it by sleeping on his floor.

This is me.
I came to the conclusion I'd work on him sleeping in his own room if and when I fall preg.
My thought process is fix it when I really have to. Otherwise I enjoy him in my bed and we are well rested.

Smaller age gap here, but when DS2 arrived, DH took over "all" night wakings for our then 2 yr old.
It was bliss. Newborn DS2 fed 3 times a night and then went back to sleep. I felt like a new woman, even doing a wake or 2 with the toddler too.

My ds woke a similar amount due to several undiagnosed issues for a long time, I had my second dc when the first was 2.5 and still in the throes of it. DH dealt with/slept with dc1 in one room and I slept with the baby, both tended to "their" one child overnight. Only I could feed the baby as I bf and the baby would settle faster and better for me, so it made sense for DH to tend to dc1 overnight and me stick with the baby.

Yes have toddler in bed with you OP until sleep issues addressed via the assessment they having having and newborn next to you in a cot, DH helps out at night too xx

If you have a partner who is able and willing to help at night then it's divide and conquer. If you are on your own then dc1 in bed with you or at least in the same room (bed on floor) and baby in a next to me/Moses basket. My DC2 is a rubbish sleeper and when Dc3 came along, she slept on a bed on the floor in the same room, i 'slept' in the double bed and Dc3 was in the 'next to me'. Luckily dc1 is a great sleeper!

but men have a hard time waking up or even hearing a baby

I’m sorry but this is a choice your husband is making. I’d have another but tag team.

Eg. Husband takes over all night wakings with your 3YO. In the very early days he’d have to be prepared to help with both though whilst you recover.

DD1 was 2.3 when we had DD2 and she never slept. she's not 5 and has finally started sleeping through the night. DD2 (almost 3) has taken the mantle and is up consistently through the night (every half hour or so). It can be hellish as I don't think I've slept longer than a 3 hour stretch in 5 years but we're all coping and I'm so glad we had a second. They are both absolutely gorgeous and adore them. I co-sleep with DD2 and there was a period where I co slept with both. Not fun but we got through it.

Yep I think it would have to be one kid each at night. So if you're breastfeeding and getting up with the newborn then DH has to take over completely with the toddler at night. In your situation, I would set this up comfortably - what rooms and beds do you have available?

I would have DH in a double bed with toddler. You in another room (in double or single bed, whatever you have available) with baby in bassinet and then cot. Maximise sleep for everyone in the short term. When things improve you can rejig the sleeping arrangements again.

Thank you everyone for your lovely advice, I’m just panicking but it seems like you all made it through and it gives me hope that we’ll make it through as well! I’ll of probably of aged 20 years by the end of it, but those little babies are so worth it! Thanks everyone, you’ve definitely calmed me and we’ll tag team the nights for sure! Thanks again!

Yep, 100% one child each. DH deals with DD1’s night terrors, and I deal with DD2. At first I was really smug because DD2 slept really well and DD1 was up three or four times a night….then DD2 hit 4mo and hasn’t slept longer than two hours in two months, while DD1 is now down to one night terror only 🤦🏻‍♀️