Newborn sleep

[tudorqueenie]

I think this post is something that might feel familiar to many people. My 4 week old still does not want to be put down to her crib. She won't sleep anywhere but on me. Now - I am aware that this is normal newborn behaviour, she was in me for 9 months, I am her safe place. I wouldn't have anything against this, but I am very big of safe sleep guidances and so I feel guilty for not following them.
I have tried swaddling, half swaddling, putting a hot water bottle in her crib to preheat it, putting her in drowsy, putting her in fast asleep, putting in something with my scent, having my husband try to get her to sleep, etc.
Still - nothing. The issue is that when she sleeps on me, I unfortunately do fall asleep too. I am very aware of her presence but I feel horribly guilty for falling asleep. My husband can't do much as he has epilepsy and sleep deprivation triggers his seizures so it's basically on me.
The health visitor is also adding some pressure (I know she means well), but I feel like I can't do anything about this! I really, really want to but nothing works.
I don't know where I'm going with this but I'd love to hear from others who had similar issues with newborn sleep.

No suggestions but following. My husband has a severe mental illness triggered by sleep deprivation so in the same boat as you. My baby is one week old. It's 3.42 am and I've averaged 90 minutes a night for a week. I can't go on like this.

Sorry both. It's rubbish, I know. My DD would only sleep in my arms til 8 weeks. She's still not a good sleeper now- just turned one.

Can I suggest looking up safe cosleeping? The lullaby trust has it on their website. I was totally against it at first, but it got to the point where I was so tired I'd fall asleep and the baby would drop a few inches onto the sofa, which wasn't safe either. Cosleeping can be safe if done properly and following the rules

By doing this 1 weird trick, can you really get your baby to sleep in less than one minute?

Yeah super useful advice there!

We're also struggling, DS is 6 weeks old and won't sleep anywhere but on us, its absolutely torture and I don't have any solutions for you I'm afraid, just solidarity

Just took time for us I'm afraid. I just kept persevering with putting her down (asleep for the first few months) and eventually her stretches in the crib got longer and longer.

I was exactly the same. In the end I figured if I'm accidentally falling asleep I might as well plan to fall asleep and make it as safe as possible. We still cosleep now 19 months later!! My first never did. Each child is different and you have to do what you need to to survive.

I'm the same! 4 weeks old and primarily sleeps on me. I've done some co sleeping - have you looked into it? My husband also gives me a couple hours in the morning, could your other half go to bed earlier to get up an hour or two earlier to hold the baby whilst you sleep? That way hopefully still no sleep deprivation for him.

Look up Lullaby trust safe Co sleeping.

Get your partner to cover you at a time ok for them. Mine used to do 8pm to midnight, gave a bottle if needed in that time - it saved me!

Both of mine preferred to sleep on me too. It is so tough, but I persevered with putting them down and gradually got a bit longer. Do you have a co-sleeper? That was the saviour for me as I was able to maintain touch with them. Also I found that once they were big enough to wear a sleeping bag, it was easier put them down - I’d feed them to sleep in the bag and very slowly put them down, maintaining pressure on their body and very slowly decreased that.

You also need to sleep whenever you can. So if your partner is working, ask him to get up with the baby a bit earlier before work to give you an hour of sleep. Or once he’s back from work, go to bed. If breastfeeding, he can bring the baby to you when they need a feed. And he can go to bed as he normally does, so hopefully not affecting his health. That way hopefully you might get at least a couple of hours of sleep between his return from work and when he needs to go to bed. I know you might want to stay up/spend time with your partner but you need to sleep.

Good luck. It is incredibly tough - I remember asking why no one warned me that some babies do not like their bed!

We're having the same problem at the minute. I try and get a couple of hours the evening when I can fall asleep with the baby on me while my boyfriend is awake next to us and can keep an eye on us. My boyfriend also takes him out in his pram for an hour in the afternoon and I sleep while they're out.

Thanks so much everyone. Yes we do have a cosleeper - and I naively thought that that's where she would sleep!
That's reassuring to know that the little naps can get longer and longer. I do try during the day to put her down to the crib.
I have looked into safe cosleeping. Something we're trying just now is: I have a firm mattress that I'm putting on the floor and sleeping with her there. It's not ideal, but it's safer than our mattress which is very soft and I think there's also a risk of overheating. We also have an Owlet which I know doesn't prevent anything but it's also an added layer of checking on baby.
I never thought it would be like this (although it does make sense that babies do this, I don't blame them)

Oh yes the naps absolutely can get longer! Honestly my daughter was the worst sleeper as a baby. 30 min naps constantly. She can take 3.5 hour ones now!

Update - Ewan the sheep seems to help us a bit!! My baby loves him.

The main thing for us was perseverance & bloody insisting on all naps in the cot for a couple weeks until we’d cracked it, I think I did that around 4-5 weeks. It was annoying because it meant we were mostly home & MIL had a lot to say about not being allowed to cuddle DD during naps but it was worth it! I focused on just getting her to fall asleep without being held (patting/shushing etc). We also realized she slept better/longer earlier in the night. She’d do like 4 hours, 3, 2, 1 then need to be held to sleep much longer. We also never woke her to feed after she was gaining weight well and my supply was consistent.