Desperate mum! Controlled crying only working up until midnight!

[Culldawg]

Hello, my 10 month old has been sleeping in my bed for months now as he was a terrible sleeper and I was feeding him most of the night. But now I’d like him to go in his own bed as he’s just feeding all night and I’m not getting much sleep and it’s affecting my mental health. So we started some controlled crying and so far it’s gone well and he will now settle with a little bit of help in his crib until midnight, but then after he’s back to walking every hour or more and becomes increasingly difficult to settle to the point we’re not getting to bed until 3/4am. Any advice on how to help him sleep the second half of the night? Or is this a sign he should just be in bed with us? I should add he’s not in his own room yet.

It may be that lo isn't in own room? Apparently, they sleep better in their own room? Maybe their disturbed by you?

It sounds like the 9/10 month sleep regression to me! DS2 is 11 months and we've JUST come out of this phase - It was soul destroying!!

Are you feeding LO each time they wake? Do they have a comforter/white noise? Are they on 3 solid meals a day?

Here's what we did that seemed to do the trick :

• a bigger dinner with dessert an hour before bedtime bottle, this seemed to keep him fuller for longer in the night. Previously he was having a smaller portion about 1.5 hours before bedtime.
• putting him in his own room, seeing us in bed made him want to be with us whereas now we're not there, the temptation is gone! (You'll go through a few nights of separation anxiety but that's v.common at this age)
• controlled comforting, we stopped picking him up and would pat him on the belly and shhhh for a moment before leaving again, each time we made the gap longer and he rarely got to the 6th time before he eventually fell asleep.
• night weaned!! We stopped feeding him every time he woke because we noticed he wasn't having a full feed, it was purely for comfort. This was difficult but we found the bigger dinner helped massively, so we offered water instead.

Good luck! I really feel for you as it's awful surviving on broken sleep - I found the 9/10 month sleep regression harder than the newborn phase!xxx

Can you put a mattress in their room and sleep with them in it so they get used to it? We did this, then we moved him to a floor bed and he adapted really well. You need to put your foot down and toughen up. Been there, done that hence practical steps listed. They're used to you being there and are waking for comfort. They need to learn to sleep in their own space and their own bed and continuing to sleep in your bed teaches neither of those skills.

Thank you guys so much. So yes I do think it’s making him worse not being in his own room and we were going to transition him slowly but I think we might just go cold Turkey.

He’s not eating 3 big meals a day, he barely eats anything some days despite me trying everything every day to get him to enjoy food.

I don’t feed him every time he wakes now just every 3/4 hours because I feel like he doesn’t eat enough in the day but I’m trying to cut down.

I try give him sleepy foods but like I said he doesn’t exactly eat loads

We’ve been trying to not pick him up
Too and just sshh and pat him which works for the first half of the night but the second half of the night which is lighter sleep he just wakes too easily and cries hysterically.

I think I’ll put him in His room tonight and spend the next few weeks getting him to settle in there.

Google floor beds. We took a cheap ikea infant bed and sawed the legs off. Works a treat!

Don't try and do too much at once. A leap isn't the best time to move baby and reduce night feeds. That's an awful lot of change for baby.

@Culldawg I agree with the PP, you don't want to do to much change at once especially during a leap! Try and concentrate on one thing for a week or so, and then move onto the next? In terms of the food LO might not be interested due to teething so keep offering a mixture of purée and finger foods and let them lead you.

The floor bed sounds like a good idea, I'd not thought of those with DS's but wish I had!xx

I think you're making it worse drawing it all out.

Put him in his own room. How's he supposed to settle when he can see you and he's used to sleeping with you? I'd also night wean as again how does he know when he's allowed food and when not? I night weaned over a few nights, very easily. I did it first few nights in his own room. Basically everything new at once is sometimes easier rather than constant little changes they don't understand.

I'm with pp. Do all changes in one go. I don't do it over time, but that's my preference. Rough few nights, but then should be sorted. Night weaning. I was mean and just offered water and cuddles if needed. I found when i stopped night feeds she ate more in the day.

Try a dream feed at 11pm with formula. I take it you're breastfeeding? Change the bedtime bottle and night feed bottles to formula.

Slowly increase day food, give baby a toy at the high chair to chew or a spoon and offer food as they 'play' they'll eat more that way x

How's he napping? I found it easier to work on getting them to self-settle for naps and the start of the night first - improvements in night wakings then followed.

Do you think the increase in wakings is separation anxiety related? If so making a load of changes at once will be hard and it's not the approach I'd take. I found this helpful www.dreambabycafe.com/blog/3-reasons-for-the-9-month-sleep-regression-none-of-them-are-your-fault

Thank you this is really helpful. I’m just not sure it is a sleep regression as he’s never slept well unless he’s sleeping on or with me. He has separation anxiety but I read that this can last years. I just don’t know what to do for best. I want him in his own crib in his own room but he is so hysterical and I’m getting even less sleep and it’s hard to continue and function and it’s making me depressed.