Settling baby at nursery/grandparents when they nurse to sleep

[LydiaFTM]

I posted recently about possibly using controlled crying to sleep train my 6mo who currently nurses to sleep, cosleeps and contact naps. The problem is, although I'd be ok to continue like this, I have to go back to work in March and he will be going to nursery or grandparents for certain days.

I understand the problems with sleep training and would rather not do it right now, but I'm terrified he won't settle for nursery and grandparents without me there.

So my question is... if you had a baby who did all the above, did they settle elsewhere?

Did grandparents and nursery come up with their own ways to settle? What did they do and did it take long?

Or did you get calls saying they weren't settling and you had to go collect them?

I need either my mind putting at rest or the confidence that I have to sort his sleep out now!

I have heard nursery have their own magical ways. Grandparents, I would do test runs.

I plan to do it. Go back in April and need to get my aunt to get her to sleep.... so going to try a few times before April.

Another one is my lo is going nursery morning a week, so it be just morning nap they have to do. Then, there are a few days in a few weeks' time so they can do the over lunch nap.

A thing I'm told often is if a baby is that tired, they will sleep..... 🤔

I can tell you what nursery will do - gradually move from cuddling or rocking to sleep, to putting the baby in the cot or on the mat and patting and shushing to sleep.
If you can, make it an easier transition for your baby now by giving them other sleep habits that they can take to nursery like dummies and comforters.

@busyeatingbiscuits thank you, he won't keep a dummy in and I've been working on a comforter but he doesn't seem fussed so far!

@ChittyBang1987 I'm sure he will sleep eventually but I'm panicking about my mum getting stressed out (easily happens!) and nursery having other babies to attend to. I'm going to do all I can to transition to unsupported sleep before then but previous attempts haven't been very successful. Hope it's a smooth transition for your little one!

It's likely because you're there. My lo will not understand any circumstances take a bottle if I'm in the house. I have tried with loads of people. If I'm in the house, She won't drink more then 1oz. I think it could be similar to sleep. Yet, if I pick her up and give her a bottle, she's fine and takes what she wants.

I'm literally going to send my auntie up on Monday to do it. I'm going to stay downstairs and see what happens. Though the difference, which may be a big thing is my lo self soothes and milk is done downstairs before nap so she's full but awake when she goes bed.

My two bottle-refusing, feed-to-sleep little breastfed darlings resisted all my efforts to prepare them for starting nursery at 10 months old, but were fine for naps once they were there. Nursery were great at getting them to sleep - I figure they’ve seen so many children they know all the tricks! Plus kids will behave differently in different settings. Mine just bf when they were with me and I gradually broke the association with feeding to sleep until they were fully weaned.

Mine slept in the pushchair for grandparents so he had lots of walks, rain or shine (and I went back to work in November so rain was a feature!).

Nursery just contact napped with him, even they couldn't get him to sleep any other way.

@Aozora13 ahhh that sounds positive! Thank you. He's a little younger but hopefully will adapt ok. I'm starting to get so stressed now at the thought of leaving him

I don't ordinarily work in private nurseries but I have done a few days here and there and spent some time in the baby rooms. They tend to try and get the babies to sleep at around the same time; some will just lay in the cot or on the mattress and drift off whereas others need more help and they are rocked to sleep. They're given their dummies and/or comforters and left to sleep as long as they need. They are not left alone: the nurseries I've been in have dedicated sleep rooms where, when all the babies are asleep, one member of staff stays and keeps an eye on them (the others stay with the babies that wake up or won't sleep).

With the comforter, hold and snuggle it between you and him every time you feed or cuddle him. Even if he doesn't seem bothered about it now, persist with using it for every sleep and feed and it will become an association.

If you're not patting to sleep now, start doing that too so he associates patting with falling asleep. While you're feeding and cuddling him to sleep, pat his bottom and shush him too. If you're co-sleeping and he stirs in the night, pat and shush back to sleep.

Now you have 4 sleep associations - feeding, cuddling, comforter and patting/shushing.
Then when you remove the ones you want to stop or aren't going to possible (like feeding to sleep) he still has familiar sleep associations like the comforter and patting shushing to rely on, and these can easily be transferred to nursery.

I would start varying the way you get him to sleep now so he isn't completely reliant on feeding and contact - start doing some naps in a buggy for example.

Whatever comforter you pick, make sure you buy several identical ones now so you can have spares and ones that can stay at home, grandparents and nursery.

Yes to nursery! He didn't sleep during the settles but he did from his first full day. Don't worry about it there. Ds has done everything you describe in your post.

Grandparents I'm not so sure. Will he drift off on the buggy and be parked up in the hall? That might be better at Grandparents. This didn't work for my son at 6 months though, despite working as a newborn. It started working again around 11 months. Doesn't mean it won't work for you though.

Tbh once he started nursery at 10 months contact naps became less necessary and he stopped being such a light sleeper which facilitated the buggy naps working again.

As others have said, nurseries and childminders have magical ways. My breastfed-to-sleep, contact-napping-only baby was having naps in the buggy within a week of starting at the childminder's when I went back to work after mat leave.

Maybe send baby to nursery for a couple of weeks first so they can work their magic, then send him to grandparents with instructions to follow what nursery have established.

As others have said- nursery will do sleep magic! Grandparents may well not, depending partly I think on their own opinions on baby's current sleep habits. I am really grateful I didn't waste my time or upset my babies with any sort of sleep training that didn't suit them in preparation for nursery/childminder. It was all fine.

I think your little one will get used to the new set ups quickly. They all do.

My granddaughter was born at the beginning of the first lockdown.

She didn't know me when I started to look after her on mum's return to work. So she got used to a 'stranger' quite fast.

Boris declared that children under 1 could form bubbles with another from 2nd December and mum started to do one day a week at work from the beginning of the following January. So I didn't get many visits to get to know my granddaughter.

The first day she had a great morning playing and a half hour nap in the pushchair on a short walk but became upset at lunchtime. She wouldn't eat. She started screaming and was still screaming several hours later. I had to call mum and mum came home about an hour early. My granddaughter stopped screaming when she saw mum but was 'sobbing' for a little while longer. My ears were ringing when she stopped screaming. Mum was upset, granddaughter was upset, I was upset. It didn't happen again.

Granddaughter happily waved daddy and mummy off to work the next time mum went.

She sleeps in the pushchair only. She does not settle any other way for others. So we have two walks a day.

She was in NICU for 6 weeks when born after having major surgery. She came home on oxygen. She had reflux and had to be held upright after feeds which took her up to the next feed. She was nursed or breastfed to sleep and rarely slept when placed in a cot.

Mum was convinced she would 'never in a million years' settle with someone else. She did brilliantly, considering that she had been isolated right up to the month before mum went back to work.

Children just adapt.

I started sleep training my 14 months old three days ago. She was co- sleeping, mostly in my arms or chest after nursing. It's gone much better than I thought. She only cried the first day. Longest cry was 18 minutes then she fell asleep. First night she didn't cry when I laid her on her cot. She slept for 6 hours. Yesterday she only cried at night for about 5 minutes. She's now asleep within 5 minutes of putting her down. I just want to encourage you that it may not be as bad as you think. At least it hasn't been for me.

@LydiaFTM Hello, hope you don't mind me asking; how did your LO adapt please?
I'm due back to work in September. She'll be between nursery and grandparents and is a BFer and contact napper, although can sleep in the pram (every day falls asleep on our walk in it for 30mins)

@HVPRN I can't really remember how it worked out exactly but it definitely all was ok! Little ones are super resilient and can adapt wherever they are plus nurseries should have lots of experience in dealing with this so they find their own way to get them to sleep.

I think at first they were rocking him and staying with him to sleep, and he only had short naps for a little while until he got used to the new surroundings. After a couple of months he was able to fall asleep in the crib with someone nearby. So they worked their magic somehow.

Now he is 20 months nearly and slept for over 2 hours there yesterday!

@HVPRN oh and same for grandparents really.

My dad and stepmum persevered with him in the crib and stayed with him shushing him until he fell asleep, so they found their own way of getting him to nap.

My mum and stepdad chose to do a morning nap in the stroller on a walk and an afternoon nap as a contact nap on my mum.

So it depends on them really and what they are happy with. But your little one will be ok!

@PurplePetalPip Thank you for getting back to me, your son settling in is really reassuring!

It is the uncertainty of where she will be day to day that bothered me also, however like I said, your son settling for this is reassuring too! Thank you. Take care