3 mo - what does bedtime mean?!

[Orangepen13]

This might sound silly, but neither me nor my partner can get our heads round what “bedtime” means at this age (our daughter is 3 mo this week).

We understood that babies should sleep in the same room as you until 6 mo? And also, our baby will only be put down for sleep if we co-sleep.

We’ve been doing bedtime at 10pm, because that’s when we go to bed but recently I’ve been seeing that babies should have bedtime earlier. How is this possible in this situation? Do I have to go to bed earlier just to do bedtime earlier? (To add; sleep is not good rn, lots and lots of night waking, so keen to try different things out).

We’re both just confused about what bedtime actually looks like IRL for babies who don’t sleep in baskets/cots.

Any thoughts are VERY appreciated 😵‍💫🙏

Yup, we had this very dilemma too. We started off by one of us going to bed with the baby at around 8.30, but after a while we felt more confident and left him upstairs while we had a bit of an evening downstairs from 7.30. We started this at 2.5 months and he goes down great, it’s the best thing we ever did. He’s now 4 months and sleeps through 12 hours.

It doesn’t follow the guidelines and I wrestled with that for a long time, but honestly I feel the advice is too difficult to follow. I know that there is a theory that staying in the same room as your baby whenever they nap is best because they need to hear your breathing in order to regulate their own, but as far as I know there isn’t much (if any) evidence for this. We started off by having him nap in his crib while I did jobs upstairs as he was getting easily disturbed downstairs. We then started to leave him in the evening but checked on him every half hour. And now we’re more confident and just leave him with the monitor and enjoy our evening.

I’m sure if we stayed with him 24 7 until he was 6 months old he would then struggle to get into a routine and we would be disturbing him all the time.

But that was just our choice - you need to decide what’s best for your family.

Oh and another reason why we did this is because he had colic and screamed all evening. He wouldn’t nap or settle on us or in his pram or crib. He just screamed and screamed. We could actually only get him to settle in his crib for some reason, but it worked out pretty well.

Where I’ve said he wouldn’t settle in his crib above - I meant Moses basket downstairs!

We used to get them ready for bed, then he'd snuggle and sleep on me while I watched tv/looked at phone/read a book till it was time for me to go to bed. I loved those days of cuddling a snuggly baby for the evening. Did that until they were 6 months.
After that I'd get them ready for bed, then feed to sleep in our bed, then roll away once they were asleep. Then back up to bed at usual time.
So there was always a 'bedtime' in the sense of bath/nappy/change whatever. But they weren't then put in a bed and left.

I didn't have a sleeper, so I went with when they were ready for bed. I went to bed with them and watched something on my phone, etc. It was about 730pm ish I think. I didn't mind as it wasn't long-term, and I was shattered.

Mine is three months too and I put her bed around 6.30-7pm and regularly check on her/use the monitor. She has a bottle, a cuddle then I pop her in her sleeping bag and she falls asleep.

For us it was a change, into pjs, sleeping bag, night time story and then dim the lights a bit and sit with them in our bed while they went to sleep, then turn the telly on (in our bedroom) and have a cup of tea watching box sets for a bit.

Mine was a nightmare sleeper and a colicky screamer so the minute she was down for the night — and “bedtime” meant “DP putting her on his shoulder and running sprints up and down the flat until she gave in and went to sleep” – I went too. I reasoned it wasn’t forever, and I only survived the hourly wakings by being horizontal for 12 hours.

Later we managed to stuff her in a sleeping bag and gallop through a story before the sprinting began. Having a baby is nothing like the books tell you!

Thank you everyone! That’s so helpful to have some actual real life experiences ☺️

At 3 months DD would go down to sleep in her carrycot in the lounge around 7ish, I would go up to be around 10ish and DH would stay up, then give her her midnight feed, then bring her up to bed with him and put her in the bedside crib

@AlexandraEiffel

We used to get them ready for bed, then he'd snuggle and sleep on me while I watched tv/looked at phone/read a book till it was time for me to go to bed. I loved those days of cuddling a snuggly baby for the evening. Did that until they were 6 months. After that I'd get them ready for bed, then feed to sleep in our bed, then roll away once they were asleep. Then back up to bed at usual time. So there was always a 'bedtime' in the sense of bath/nappy/change whatever. But they weren't then put in a bed and left.

Exactly then same here. I think it's normal that when they are tiny they are just that bit more portable and can generally get the sleep they need without too much structure.

DD slept with me and from midnight till noon for the first 2 years, then midnight till 10am until she started school at 3.5.

She’s an absolutely brilliant 11 year old who has suffered no ill effects of being an owl or seeing in every new year since she was 10 weeks old.

@FrangipanFlower

Mine is three months too and I put her bed around 6.30-7pm and regularly check on her/use the monitor. She has a bottle, a cuddle then I pop her in her sleeping bag and she falls asleep.

The monitor/checking doesn’t negate the higher risk of SIDS here. Just FYI.

7pm is bedtime with the monitor. For both mine, 3 months was the beginning of a routine. 7pm is still bedtime for ds and he is 5.

Ah, I’d have loved DDs to stay downstairs with us for snuggles. As it was, they were screaming banshees from 6pm unless we got them to sleep, and they could not settle with tv lights etc.

Started at 6 weeks for DD1, and 3 weeks for DD2. They were both terrible day sleepers from the start so I think the day just caught up with them each evening and they were just overstimulated.

Lots of friends managed to keep theirs downstairs with them well past six months. Whatever works!

I struggle with what bedtime means at this age too. DD is 4 months but likes to do most of her feeding in the evening. We do bath and pyjamas then she goes in the bedroom with DH and has a story while I eat dinner. Then we swap and I feed her and she goes to sleep in the snuzpod. I stay in the bedroom and read. So I suppose you could say bedtime is 8:30ish, but she'll be up for two more feeds and doesn't go down for a long stretch until after 11pm. She sleeps well after that so no complaints but I do look forward to the day she goes down earlier and we get our evenings back!

We would just stay downstairs chilling then all go to bed at 9ish…

My baby is 3 and a half months and goes to bed with me at 10pm every night. I wouldn't be comfortable having him upstairs on his own with just a monitor so young.

Similar to some of the others, at 3 months we stated a bedtime routine and putting our baby upstairs with a monitor on. Fully aware it's against SIDS advice but it was right for us. Bedtime routine took 30 mins (bath, massage, story, feed) and we started it 2 hours after the end of her last nap, somewhere between 6.30 and 8 depending on the day. We'd go up to bed just after 9 and that 1-2 hours of time was (still is) heaven! Might be a coincidence but despite a rather protracted sleep regression in the night she has remained really easy to settle and goes to bed without any bother every night consistently.

@MGee123 hello! ☺️ How old is your little one now? I’ve a question…. How do you make it only last 30 mins?! Ours takes over an hour 🤪

We do…

6pm bath
6.30pm bottle
7pm ish hold upright (he has reflux)

I’m always amazed how people fit a bath, story and feed into half an hour! And ours doesn’t even have a long bath, he’s probably only in there 10 mins! X

Oh gosh I don't know - I hadn't really thought about it! Just clocked what we did tonight - 5 mins getting everything set up and baby undressed, 5 mins or so in the bath, 5 mins massage, couple of mins to get dressed then 5 mins story. Then bottle feed (8 mins or so), then into cot. We are lucky that she self settles really well. So I suppose more like 35 mins? I don't feel rushed doing it, but equally don't spend ages on each part?

Sorry should say she is 6 months 😀

That’s amazing! I feel like it takes us ages to get him dressed etc and his feeds take at least 20 mins and then 20 mins holding upright cos he has reflux ☺️ I’m not sure why it takes us so long though 😂

Bath, breastfeed, new nappy down to bed in our room with lights out 7pm with angel care breathing monitor on. Dream feed at 10pm in the dark.