3 yo bad sleep, so desperate

[Ionlion]

Our 3 yo DS has always been an early riser (think 4:30/5) but over the past year especially his sleep (and subsequently his behaviour during the day) have just been awful. When he wakes up he screams/wails and jumps up and down until we open the stair gate. He will then scream/wail etc until we go downstairs (eg if we go to the loo first he will just scream at us). He dropped his nap before Christmas which adds to the issues but the screaming in the morning has been a constant fixture.

We had a baby 6 months ago so since then my DH has been sleeping in my DS’ room to try and get him to be quiet so baby and I can get extra sleep but this arrangement seems to have no impact whatsoever. In fact, now DS just wakes up at 3am, rolls around in bed and runs around his room. Pre baby, I would go to him in the morning but stopped when I was getting bigger as DS would just kick me in the stomach in bed.

Tonight, DS woke up at 1:30am screaming, jumping up and down and demanding to go downstairs. He did go back to bed eventually and I think he’s asleep but I know he’ll be up again at 5am.

The hysterical screaming at ungodly hours is torture and got knows what our neighbours think. My DH lost it tonight and shouted as DS to get back in bed. I know this isn’t great and he knows it too but we are just broken.

DS’ bad sleep makes him grouchy pretty much every day and makes his behaviour erratic by about 10:30/11. He always gets emotional/erratic/upset at the park/if we take the scooter out etc within 10 mins so we end up going home.

We have tried the gro clock but he just fiddles with the buttons and pulls it out of the plug so we put it on the landing outside his room so he can see it from his room when he opens his door. He couldn’t care less about sticker charts. I’m at a loss as to what we can do. After 3 years of poor sleep it’s really effecting our mental health and mine and DH’s relationship and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve had maybe 2hrs sleep tonight and have both kids to look after tomorrow and just want to cry. The 6 month old gets barely any attention when DS is home because he just causes so much havoc.

Is there anything I can do to help? Is there a specialist doctor we can ask to be referred to? I’m happy to pay privately.

We did speak to a sleep consultant last year when I was pregnant but it didn’t work (and we stuck to the tips she gave strictly).

Ps thank you if you read this.

Pps. I really wish we had sleep trained him as a baby and been stricter about wake up times. I feel like I have failed him massively.

sorry I had to message as I feel your pain!
Literally just now my dd kicked me so hard it bent my finger right back. It’s hurting so much and I think it’s torn the ligaments. I’m single mum and struggling so much with her waking! I’ve googled tonight it could be night terrors.

She woke 12 am screaming then 3:45.

I really got cross and fed up. She keeps waking for milk but I won’t give in. It’s total hell. My finger is throbbing. She would sleep now until 9 if I let her but I’ve found waking her 7:30 means tomorrow it might break circle but then I’m so tired because I can’t catch up.

She used to sleep through it’s bad habits and late nights and I think waking for milk or her screen. Tomorrow I’m getting tough. I know exactly how you feel. Here’s a xxxx

How's he getting on with the baby? Is he after you really because he was used to getting in with you? I feel for you, I had a non sleeper. I used to take mine on a drive when he was going mental because he was so tired, even of he didn't sleep he was at least restrained for a while! You haven't failed, some of them just don't sleep! He went back to bed at 1:30, did you do anything different or was that because it wasn't his usual wake up?

@Breastfeedingworries that sounds awful, sending you

Fingers crossed tonight’s better op. I got dd up 7:30 todays nearly killed me lol. We didn’t end up going out until I managed to drag her to the shops to buy essentials. Earlier she had an accident on my carpet of the wet brown variety! so she’s been feeling off. She went to bed 6:45, here’s keeping my fingers crossed. I naively asked her to promise not to wake up, she agreed but obviously is too young to understand! Haha. I hope you’ve had an okay day and you have good luck tonight. I’ve eaten a fish and chips and feeling slightly hopeful, even if I just get 3/4 decent hours together. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Sending xx

@HappyMeal564 sorry meant to post then got sidetracked. He loves baby so much! He just wants to go and play with his cars. He has a car or two in his room but he doesn’t even look at them. He went back after 30 mins only because DH kept taking him back to bed. Urghhh he was out like a light this evening pre 7pm so here’s hoping for a good night (and by good I mean no wake ups pre 5am)

@Breastfeedingworries fingers crossed for you too. I’m off to bed now. Just shattered!

@Ionlion ah yes I had a little poppet that wanted to go play cars at all hours 🤣 mines nearly 4 now and he has grown out of it. I don't think I did anything in particular I'm afraid but you have my sympathy, it's just horrible being that tired. I just used to comfort and put him back constantly. The only this is mine has allergies and I now wonder if his skin was itchy??? No idea. But I hope last night was better and I hope it all gets better soon!