Exhausted and Desperate!

[Aquarius93]

My newborn is 13 days old and since getting home from the hospital we haven’t been able to get her to sleep on her back at all. My husband and I have been taking it in turns to stay awake holding her at night but as the sleep deprivation increases, I am finding it harder to stay awake, which is impacting my mental health as I am obviously anxious about falling asleep holding her. I’ve read up on the fourth trimester and we’ve tried swaddling, white noise, putting her down drowsy, putting her down in a deep sleep, warming the sheets beforehand, holding blankets so they smell of me etc

We’re worried that she seems to be uncomfortable on her back. When we lie her down she’ll either be sick, get hiccups or fart/poo. She tucks her knees in and squirms around. We’ve tried burping her after feeds and keeping her upright for at least 30 minutes before putting her down but she still starts squirming and crying. She has a minor tongue tie which we were told could be managed without a procedure but are wondering if that is leading to her taking in more air when feeding. Does anyone have any suggestions of what we can do so we can get some sleep?

Take her to see a cranial osteopath! They are miracle workers and most work hand in hand on TT and in my opinion shouldn’t be left if you are having the issues listed above.

Bumping in case there’s any more advice!

Have you tried raising the head of the cot/basket slightly ?

Yes we’ve tried raising the head of the cot but it didn’t seem to make any difference.

We had this. It's truly awful.

We ended up out of desperation getting a Sleepyhead (now they're called Dockatot) and she at last slept in that for a few hours at a time. Pods and nests are not recommended for unsupervised sleep but I had to weigh up the risks of how dangerous it was for me to be looking after her while so sleep-deprived, and the really quite extreme danger of me accidentally falling asleep while holding her on the sofa, and the other risky alternative of putting her on her front, and I personally decided the Sleepyhead was the least worst option that worked.

The Lullaby Trust sleep guidance is really well-informed and well-intentioned but unfortunately some babies don't seem to have read it! If the baby simply will not EVER sleep on their back in Moses basket or cot, it can feel really desperate.

Good luck OP, sleep deprivation is hideous

Oh and for the wind, try Infacol if you haven't already.

Is there a chance that she might have reflux?

You could try some tummy massage and leg cycles to try and get the wind moving. When DS was a newborn he would get really uncomfortable then a bit of tummy rubs and some farting and he would completely relax. Also if you do suspect reflux try holding her upright after a feed and if your burping her don't do back pats, sit her on your knee and gently move her round in circles.

How does she sleep during the day?

I could have written this. My 9 week old has been exactly the same since birth and we've tried all the things you mention. I'm too uncomfortable with sleepyhead and co-sleeping and neither seem to help with our daughter anyway (we have a Snuzpod and me being right next to her doesn't seem to help). DH and I sleep in shifts. For the first few weeks I was terrified of falling asleep and dropping her. In the last week she's just started to sleep, very wriggly and requiring comforting and dummy plugging in every 5 minutes or so, from about 3am to 7am which actually feels much better! Mainly what I wanted to say is probably not what you want to hear, but I'm amazed how I have acclimatised to functioning on 3 or 4 hours sleep! I'm still tired but feel so much better than I did at the beginning. I'm hoping that things will just improve as she gets bigger and we leave the 4th trimester...

We’re using colief drops for my 12 week old as she was very colicky, they’re working a dream and she’s settling really well. Although do be warned they make their poos very runny

Have you considered (safe) co-sleeping?
Baby will sleep happily close to you and you will sleep too
There's website but I can't think what it is

Lullaby trust website

My baby is 9 weeks and exactly the same, we have tried it all.... Including cranial osteopathy and nothing has helped.
She won't tolerate more than 5 minutes on her back, she has been prescribed oneprazole which helps her general comfort levels but still not enough to lie her down.
My husband and I also sleep in shifts.
I am awake until 2 usually and he doss 2-6.30
Its hard and like previous pp I'm just hoping it gets better as she gets bigger

Also, she won't co sleep on her back either!

My first had a mild tied tongue and was also told it was ok and he was latching and feeding. BUT he never had that satisfied, drunk on baby milk look that other babies had. He would only fall asleep breastfeeding.

At 6 weeks after lots and lots of complaining they snipped his tongue which took seconds and he was as much more settled feeding.

Also I would just try and sleep when ever the baby naps as much as possible.

Hi OP, I really sympathise with you. Those first few weeks are really tough while you try to get to know your new little human.

I would recommend checking for reflux and raising the cot so it’s at an angle. This helped my DS massively.

Take it in turns with your partner if you have the means to. Or are there any family members who can help for an afternoon here and there? It’s so important to switch off sometimes and have some you time.

One thing I wish I had done was putting DS down awake from an early age. We held him to sleep all the time and now he’s 5 months and it’s getting difficult for him to be put down for naps. I love contact naps but I wish someone had told me to persevere with the whole drowsy but awake thing.

Good luck!!!

Thanks for the advice everyone!

Last night we decided to persevere with the bedside crib, at an angle but slightly later than we had been (11pm instead of 9pm). Changed her, fed her and got her into her sleeping bag as usual before putting her down with some white noise. I don’t know what did it but she slept until 9am with a couple of feeds during the night. Just hoping this wasn’t a fluke!