Sleep training techniques/ books - any recommendations?

[AldiNappies]

My 10 month old is not a great sleeper and I think I've reached my limit. I've had 5 months of him waking 3+ times a night, needing to be breastfed/ walked around the room to get him to sleep, him staying awake for hours overnight etc. I started trying a "stay and support" method to help him settle himself with me there (Lucy Wolfe method) but it seemed to drive him mad. Felt more cruel being there but avoiding picking him up. I know whatever I do there will be tears but I struggle to leave him to cry for long. Let's just say that after months of this I've started to feel like a bad mother so seeing him upset is adding to these feelings. Recommendations for methods and/ or books to help welcomed. As well as general thoughts on just riding this out as opposed to sleep training.

I know it's not what you asked for but my DD is 11 months now and I was where you are at the beginning of december (9.5 months). I spent a month doing gradual retreat which made it a little better but she still had to be patted/shushed for up to half an hour and woke at least a couple of times every night.
What has finally worked is night weaning over about a week, (roughly following the Jay Gordon method) then controlled crying. We started it on friday night and have had 4 amazing nights of 10-11 hrs straight.
last night she woke at 10 and cried for a minute, but DH just went in, patted her and said "it's ok, go to sleep darling" and she went back to sleep for another 9 hours!

So far my only regret is not doing it sooner - I tried at about 7 months but only lasted for about 30 seconds of crying before I gave up!

Controlled timed crying technique by Jo Frost. Google it. We did it at 10 months after all else failed. Waking every 1-2 hours. Couldn't get to sleep. We were on our knees. It took about 15 minutes first night, 5 mins the next night then she always went to sleep and slept through. It was a miracle. Everyone much happier and rested.

@thingymaboob thanks for this, I've got to do it and just tough out the first few days. What did you do for night time wake ups? Did you feed or just put down for 2 mins and follow same process for bedtime?

@JustAnotherUserinParadise thanks will look up Jay Gordon!

Good luck OP! Sleep deprivation is awful I know.

Just wanted to chip in that I tried all the sleep training techniques and nothing worked. I had a very stubborn kid. So while I hope you find something that works for you, if you don’t, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or done it wrong. Kids are different… A lot of the books have made millions saying “this will definitely solve your problem” but if there was one guaranteed technique everyone would do it.

@Thirtytimesround I think this is what I'm worried about. If it doesn't work then I will have put him through hours of distress for no benefit. But I think I've got to try as you are the first person who has said it hasn't worked. Fingers crossed it goes ok.

I did controlled crying at 12 months, going in frequently so they always knew I was nearby and they hadn't been abandoned. People on Mumsnet will tell you it's cruel but I genuinely believe it was the best thing for my children. It felt like a gift for them - to teach them how to sleep without my involvement. My daughter reached a stage where she seemed to forget how to sleep (following a holiday and a cold, so lots of disruption) . She was getting hysterical, waking every 20 minutes, wanting me to hold her. In the day she looked absolutely shattered. Dark circles under her eyes, frequent tantrums, becoming aggressive etc. It was all because she couldn't sleep properly and was exhausted. We spent several weeks trying all the gentle methods including gradual withdrawal, me sleeping on her floor, her sleeping in our bed etc but it was driving her mad! She just wanted me to pick her up. I was extremely sleep deprived myself and frequently breaking down in tears, unable to work properly etc. I ended up breaking down in front of the health visitor and saying I couldn't cope anymore. She gave me a leaflet on controlled crying and insisted I start that night. The first night she cried for an hour or just over. I went in frequently - she knew I was there. It broke my heart. I won't lie, it's incredibly hard to hear them cry and not give in. I busied myself cleaning the oven just because I needed to do something. After she fell asleep she woke up once in the night, cried for a few minutes then went back to sleep. The next night she cried for less than 10 minutes and then slept through the night. After that there was no more crying - she was sleeping through - twelve hours a night. I can't describe the transformation in her. She was back to being my lovely, sweet natured girl. She was so happy. No more meltdowns or aggression. She was getting the sleep she needed to function (and so was I!). She's been a brilliant sleeper ever since and she's now 11.No one was can tell me it was cruel that she cried for an hour that first night of controlled crying, always knowing I was there - it made her sooo much happier.

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/amp/

You're in a tricky patch of sleep it might be worth seeing what happens in the next month just naturally

But suppose only you know how urgent it feels for you to have him sleeping through the night - guess bearing in mind you sometimes need to revisit sleep training during developmental leaps etc so it's not always a one time thing

For me personally I would have found it too traumatic to do any sleep training so I just rode it out and it got so much better with time and I didn't have to go through the trauma, my little one sleeps really pretty well now and sleeps better than some babies I know who were sleep trained.

Good luck whatever you decide

[quote AldiNappies]@thingymaboob thanks for this, I've got to do it and just tough out the first few days. What did you do for night time wake ups? Did you feed or just put down for 2 mins and follow same process for bedtime?[/quote]
I did the same process but she maybe only woke once the first two nights.
I also did the same routine for the two daytime naps. I did it for a week and just dedicated a week to it. It was amazing. Totally changed our lives. I didn't find it traumatising at all as we were all traumatised by the frantic and difficult nights and we were all knackered. It was good to have a sense of control.
My DD now 4 and is a pretty good sleeper but does wake for toilet / teddy and obviously all rules go out the window when she's ill. She never feels abandoned but will always go to sleep quickly at bedtime and after any wake ups in night.

@AldiNappies we did the controlled drying with the night wakings too - first night there weren't any. Second night had a 40-min session from about 9pm. Third night - none. Fourth night - one waking, DH went in after 5 mins and literally just patted her ans said "it's ok darling, time to sleep, night night" and left again, and she went straight back to sleep for 9 hours.
I hoped the night weaning would reduce wakings by itself but after 10 days it hadn't really. But at least that gave me the confidence to know that she wasn't actually hungry.

• controlled crying, not drying lol!

I've never heard of jay gordon?

www.drjaygordon.com/blog-detail/sleep-changing-patterns-in-the-family-bed

Or, you can email me. [email protected]

Good start: Get a special toy, pillow, blanket that never leaves the baby or toddler’s bed. It makes bedtime a little more … desirable.

Really? Around our house he’s famous!
:-)

@JayGordonMDFAAP haha I'll check you out!

@JayGordonMDFAAP are you the real one??