Co-sleeping and separation anxiety

7 replies

HiKelsey · 14/01/2022 01:17

Hi Everyone.

So me and DD have co-slept since she was born. I never wanted that to happen as I read all about the negatives to it. However DD suffers with severe reflux and multiple allergies that weren't diagnosed till 5 months, so for me it was the only way we could both sleep. Fast forward to now, she's 2 years old and I've been trying really hard to get her into a routine. I'm now a single mum who works shifts so strict bedtimes are really hard with my mum looking after her till I finish then me picking her up, sometimes as late as 10pm. She has always slept with me and we are managing maybe average 5 hours in her own bed then the rest in mine.

My question is though did any mums get separation anxiety when they're in their own bed? I literally can't sleep till she comes to my room. I don't know if it's the constant worry of her stopping breathing (she went blue a few times when a baby and now seems to hold her breath quite often when asleep) or whether it's me just being totally stupid and needing to get us both in a routine. Any advice?

Sorry for the long post

OP posts:

NoToLandfill · 14/01/2022 01:49

Do what works for you and your DD.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/01/2022 01:56

That sounds really stressful. But is there any medical reason why she would stop breathing now?

I think you need to speak to your GP and both get referred to sone counselling and/or sleep clinic. You’re going to have to break this cycle at some point and it sounds as if you are co-dependent.

Could you try a night with her sleeping uninterrupted at your Mum’s?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/01/2022 01:57

Does she have sleep apnea?

Original poster

HiKelsey · 14/01/2022 08:43

Forgot to add-

Currently under investigation for her reflux and causes. She had a barium swallow which has ruled reflux but she is due to see ENT next month as she has tonsils the size of adults (paediatricians words not mine).

When she stays at my mums or sisters she Co sleeps with them too. I've started putting her in her own bed with my dressing gown or pillow so she cuddles it. It's now me that struggles to sleep when she's not in the room.

OP posts:

sausagedogsforever · 17/01/2022 00:22

I can't comment re the medical issues, although my friends daughter had her tonsils out at 3.5 due to their size and them blocking her airways at night and now sleeps much better (but still wakes and partially co sleeps.
But re the anxiety I get it! DS is nearly two and we've co slept since birth. I'm trying to get him to sleep in his cot ans he settles there then comes into bed with us at some point in the night. However my problem is I cannot relax or settle until he's beside me. It's like you say I get these waves of anxiety and like longing for him to be there. I don't know if it's because I am waiting for him to wait subconsciously anyway so my body won't relax as I know I'm going to have to get up and get him or if I just need him close to keep him safe in some
Primal sense. Either way it's a massive pain as I'm actively trying to get him to sleep in his cot now. I know once it all passes and he's settled it will be the right decision but at the moment I'm super emotional about it.
For your situation I would do what feels right.

Original poster

HiKelsey · 18/01/2022 23:02

@sausagedogsforever

I can't comment re the medical issues, although my friends daughter had her tonsils out at 3.5 due to their size and them blocking her airways at night and now sleeps much better (but still wakes and partially co sleeps. But re the anxiety I get it! DS is nearly two and we've co slept since birth. I'm trying to get him to sleep in his cot ans he settles there then comes into bed with us at some point in the night. However my problem is I cannot relax or settle until he's beside me. It's like you say I get these waves of anxiety and like longing for him to be there. I don't know if it's because I am waiting for him to wait subconsciously anyway so my body won't relax as I know I'm going to have to get up and get him or if I just need him close to keep him safe in some Primal sense. Either way it's a massive pain as I'm actively trying to get him to sleep in his cot now. I know once it all passes and he's settled it will be the right decision but at the moment I'm super emotional about it. For your situation I would do what feels right.

Thank you x

OP posts:

Igneo · 18/01/2022 23:07

Get 2 single beds in your bedroom.
Then you are still together, but she’s used to sleeping in her own bed.

Flip