Newborn won't sleep unless held

[Pitstop1986]

My beautiful DD is 4 days old. Since she was born, she has never enjoyed being put in a cot or anywhere on her own. When I was in hospital, I had to put her in the cot and let her cry just so that I could go to the toilet.

The past 3 nights, DH has been an angel and has held her whilst she sleeps from 10pm until about 5 in the morning so that I can get some sleep, he then goes to bed at 5 and I get up to hold baby. (He brings her up to me and wakes me up when she wants a feed)

This obviously isn't ideal. I've tried warming her crib, warming the blankets, etc so that she's not going into a cold bed. I've tried putting her in there and resting my hand on her stomach, talking to her, swaddling, etc.

Taking shifts for sleeping works now (albeit very inconvenient and not nice to be awake all night) but DH only has this week left of paternity leave so next week he won't be able to go to bed late morning

Is this just a phase or are we set up for months of problems?

Any tips/advice? Thank you

Totally normal. There is at least one thread a day on here asking the same thing. Have a read up on the 4th trimester.

Your baby was born prematurely - all human babies are. She wants all the things she had in the womb: fed on demand, held constantly, rocked to sleep, hearing your heartbeat/swishing tummy noises.

It is a phase, and it will pass, but not always quickly.

Hi, I think this will just be a phase for you. All newborns just want to be held, they have been inside all cosy for so long that I guess the world seems unnatural to them! My baby is 14 weeks and this phase lasted around two weeks for us then he gradually started to get better and would let us put him down for an hour/two hours and gradually longer. Last night he did a nine hour stretch so you will get there! We used the tommee tippee swaddle bags which he seemed to really hate but actually worked really well, just keep persisting with things. Warming the cot also helped and I put one of my tops around his mattress. Would have tried anything in those early days! It will get easier. Congratulations on your lovely baby.

This is absolutely normal. All part and parcel of the newborn stage. Four days ago she lived inside you, she wants to be close to you. Your smell, your heartbeat, you are all she knows.

A sling for when your DH goes back to work may be an idea she can be close to you and you can get on with stuff. If there are any series you want to watch though, now is the time!

It doesn't last forever, though it may feel like it, have a read about the fourth trimester. And congratulations!

As pps have said - it's totally normal and what newborns do. I found it easier to just accept it rather than to try and 'fix' it tbh, much less stressful!

Thanks all, looks like I'm in for s few sleepless nights, but encouraged to hear that it gets better.

I have a sling, so I can start wearing her around the house so that at least I can get stuff done, rather than being on the settee with her nestled into my arms (although I do enjoy this time)

I'll stock up on tea bags and coffee pods and hopefully the caffeine will pull me through the next few weeks

Make sure you aren’t doing too much, especially if you’re breastfeeding (although maybe not with your caffeine comment). Your body needs energy to recover. Most housework can wait/be done by others.

I found it helpful to find out what was normal in terms of baby development (biologically, not from baby books) - that way I didn’t label things as “problems” that are actually completely normal.

Best of luck for the next few weeks.

How is she in a carrycot (if you have one) that comes with the pram? Ours was safe for overnight sleeping so we used to have to put the carrycot in the next to me and she slept much better. Think it was with the higher sides and it being more enclosed.

I’m going through the exact same thing - DD is also 4 days old and we haven’t been able to put her down since getting home from the hospital. Trying our best to ride it out but it’s definitely been much harder than I expected!

@CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood we've tried her in the next to me crib and the pram. She even cries being put on the changing mat when we're changing her nappy!

@Aquarius93 it's the nights that are the hardest for us, even doing a split shift, me and DH are only getting about 3/4 hours sleep each. He's back in work on Monday so I'll have to manage as much as I can on my own. Good luck, hopefully they'll start to transition to sleeping in a crib soon

Not sure if it helps, but my 3 week old was like this. I found swaddling helped and at night I kept the room really dark and used white noise, eventually he tolerated being put down. Still doesn’t get put down in the day, but he’s ok at night

I had this problem in the hospital and wheeled my screaming baby round to the midwives at midnight after hours of screaming to ask for advice. They said she just misses my heartbeat and isn't used to being alone, which broke my heart. She's slowly getting used to it but can totally feel you. The first night in the hospital I sat up with her, fighting sleep, for the exact same reason.

Hi @Pitstop1986 how's it going? Hope you're doing ok. I was SO worried about my DH going back to work that I really didn't enjoy the time we did have together 😔 at about 2 weeks old we invested in a white noise bear (myhummy) and it definitely helped. But she only went in her Moses basket for 10 or so minutes at a time at first and it was HARD! Now she's 10 weeks (seems like a lifetime away for you I'm sure but it really isn't!) she can sleep up to 3/4 hours there at night.
Another thing that we have tried, which granted isn't for everyone, is splitting the night. So I go to bed at 8pm and get up at 12:30am whilst DH looks after her, and then he goes to bed at 12:45am and I look after her in our spare room/downstairs. This means that I get some sleep knowing that she'll be fine with him and he gets a good chunk of sleep before going to work and theoretically I could rest during the day (which I didn't as I was obsessed with keeping the house unreasonably clean and tidy - I wish I'd rested!!!). Hope this helps - this will pass ❤️