Baby not sleeping making me feel like giving up

[August21yellowbaby]

My nearly 5 month old baby boy does not sleep at night for more than 50 minutes at a time if I'm lucky, he cries every time he wakes and will only stop if I breast feed him
At night I'm starting to get angry at him, and feel like I don't want to live anymore
All I want is an end to the day, a "bedtime" for myself to look forward to but there is no end to my day
He is so happy in the day never cries for anything, isn't clingy at all
At night he will wake up screaming at least once an hour
I've tried giving him bottles in the day aswell as breastfeeding incase he's hungry, but at night he only wants to latch and doesn't actually feed from me
I'm so tired, he will not take a bottle at night and willl scream the house down if we try
I've tried co sleeping he will wakes up crying but it's worse because it's right down my ear
I've tried noise machines, light projector, he won't take dummy at night, he won't have my partner at night
I don't get any sleep in the day either as partner works and baby only sleeps for max 30 minutes at a time
I don't get dressed anymore, brush my teeth, talk to anyone or go anywhere
On the very odd occasion he sleeps well (by well I mean every 2 hours instead of every 45 minutes) I'm a different person the next day, I feel happy and motivated

But 99% of the time I feel depressed, at night I have feelings of not wanting to live anymore because I can't do it, I feel like a bad mum for feeling annoyed at him but I just don't understand what he wants anymore, I've tried everything I've read up on

I'm completely out of ideas, I'm at the point where I want to put him in nursery in the day so I can actually get some sleep, but I don't really have the money to do that and then I wouldn't see him much which would be awful, but I feel like I'm losing my mind

I know about the 4 month sleep regression but I feel like this is just next level, all the other babies in my baby group are sleeping fine maybe the odd feed in the night

Someone please give me some advice

Firstly, the other babies are unusual. I was feeding every 2/3 hours through the night with both mine at that age. It's bloody hard.

It might be worth working on naps during the day - 30 mins is very short, and baby may be overtired at night.

I would also let your partner try settling the baby at night. It has to be done consistently though. Decide when you will feed at night, and then partner goes the rest of the time.

I would also suggest speaking to your GP. You sound as though you might need some help too.

I’m so sorry for you, that sounds really really hard. Keep reminding yourself that this phase will pass and it will get easier.

Have you thought about trying a sleep program? Like the ones offered by ‘little ones’? I have a friend who tried this and it was a life saver. There are also sleep coaches who will work with you to figure out what the issue is. I’m sure if you google you’ll find one in your local area. I’m in Ireland and can recommend someone who I think offers zoom sessions if you’re stuck. Just drop me a PM.

If his sleep is like this there is something In his routine that needs to be adjusted. I agree with the previous poster, it sounds like he is overtired.

Are you on Instagram?
If you are follow dozesleepcoaching, she's brilliant and will give you free advice if you DM her, she doesn't believe in cry it out or anything and honestly I really believe what she told me works every time for my little one.
She will help you work on resettling etc honestly do it she's brilliant x

It made me sad reading this as I could have written it myself. You are not alone. I don't have any advice as I don't know whether it's something that can be fixed or it's something to ride out. We're 3 months in. It started around 5 months and my baby is now 8 months. It's making me physically and mentally sick and I feel like I'm just in survival mode rather than actually being alive. From the comments I get, it makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world with a baby like this and that he's really difficult, or that I've done something really wrong to make him this way.

Do you have a partner? We tried my partner settling the baby any way he could. It failed miserably and the whole house was woken up by blood curdling screaming. I had to nurse in the end because he was in such a state from crying and was on the verge of being sick (baby, not partner! Although he was pretty upset too!)

Sorry, you do have a partner. Can see by your original post.

I remember this well. It feels like it will never end. You are definitely not alone. Both of mine have woken a lot at night when they were that age.
What we did, which helped me was any wake up after 5 at the weekend DH would take DS and go out if he was unsettled. I wouldn’t see or hear them for 3-4 hours. Just that extra sleep helped.
I also used the little ones sleep programme and found it very useful. But probably easier to try and use if you’ve managed to have a bit more sleep first.

Firstly, try to remember it WILL get better eventually. Even if nothing that you get works (unlikely) it won't go on forever. You just need to survive this.

There are lots of things you can try, but I know it's really hard when you're so sleep deprived (been there!). 5 months is as your as sleep gets. Soon, your baby will become not able to link sleep cycles and you may be able to get a longer nap then. My twins were about 5.5 months when they started to recover the long nap - if I fed them IMMEDIATELY as they woke then after 15 mins theyd be settled again and would then have another hour! Bliss! I'd nap next to them then. Alas, some take a long time to link sleep cycles - my eldest didn't manage till she was 15 months.

YourDH needs to them out for a few hours at the weekend so you can rest. With my crap-napping eldest my DH would take her out to to swings for 45 mins when he got home from work so I had some quiet time. It makes a BIG difference to you.

Can you sleep on your side with him.latched on so you can sleep while.you feed him at night? Some babies like a LOT of contact.

Does he nap in the pram at all? If so, ask someone to take him out for a walk for you. 15 minutes for him to fall asleep, 30 mum nap, prob 15 more minutes before he gets xross and wants to get out - that gives you anhour foryou to sleep. Any family or friends that could do this for you? Or if not, a neighbour? People are probably morewilling to help a struggling mum than you realise

I don't really have advice, but I just wanted to send solidarity. My son was exactly like this. It was so tough. I never got more than 30-60 minutes solid sleep and the same as you, I felt so angry.

If I had any advice, it'd be to utilise support around you. When your partner gets home from work, you go and nap for a few hours. I know this is tough with feeding but try to.

Do you have your parents or siblings or friends who'd be willing to take baby for a couple of hours? My mum would take my son for a walk on her days off work for two hours and I'd sleep.

It does get better but it's impossible to say when. My son didn't start sleeping through until just over two years' old, and even now he still wakes to get into our bed. But he did start to have longer blocks of sleep.

I also found getting out and about was good for me, despite how tired I was. When I was at home, I was so focussed on getting him to sleep so I could sleep that I felt resentful when he wouldn't. But if I was out, then it removed the hope that I would get some sleep and I just got on with my day. Whether that was walking out for a coffee, nipping to the shop for bread, going on a lunch date with friends or to a baby sensory class.

Also, once we got the jumperoo, that was a god send. It tired him out so much 😂

I so know how you are feeling OP. My DD was a fucking nightmare. She got 4 months and woke up every 45mins, would only settle on the breast. My mental health was absolutely tanking and I wasn’t coping.
We waited it out til 6 months and by then I was desperate for improvement, we chose (and I know it’s a divisive topic) to sleep train Her issuing the Ferber method. And it was life changing, she slept for 6 hours, had a feed and went back to sleep again.

My 4 month is waking up 4+ times this week normally he wakes once, he’s never self settled so a lot of bouncing and shushing, also only naps on me not in his cot for more that 30 minutes. We did try the Ferber method last night and he cried and cried so we gave up, we agreed 4 months he might not be ready, do you recommend waiting until 6 months, how did you apply the Ferber method?

I just wanted to say you’re not alone. The same is happening for me. 6 weeks in of waking every 45 mins and my LO is 17 weeks

Sounds like acid reflux. Is the cot head higher than the foot end to prevent this?

I stopped bf completely at this point and went back to work pt.
Baby in own room. Moved to bottles, (but then I'd expressed too from very early days to avoid a bottle refuser), and dad dealt with any night wakings which soon tailed off.
Felt 100% better.

@August21yellowbaby I know this is a really old post but if you’re still around did you find anything that worked in the end? I could have written your post word for word at the moment

@Livingoncaffeine i saw your message and didn’t want to scroll on. The sleep deprivation is living hell and so so hard and gruelling. Where are you at? How old is baby? What is happening at night?

I can share a bit about our experience….my daughter is now 2yo and mostly STTN. I didn’t sleep train (I couldn’t do it, and it doesn’t fit with my values) but that is a personal choice. My daughter woke every 45 mins from 3-6mo. At 6mo, she started sleeping 1.5hour stretches. We co slept to survive. I truly believe that sleep is developmental and they get there in their own time but the first year is tough. At 6mo, We started to do something’s that may have helped including:
pre bed snack
my Partner started to do the initial settle.
he would also do the first wake or two to give me a break.
loads of exercise and outdoor time in the day.

BUT, I mostly fed to sleep and co slept for a year. Sleep improved when I night weaned at 14mo. I know this really may be disheartening to hear, but it will improve on its own. Get support from others. I don’t think there is a quick fix tho. Follow Lynsey hookway on insta. Happy to talk if you want x

@notpsychic thank you that’s really kind! He’s 20 weeks, this has been going on for about six weeks now. The last two nights have been utter hell! My eldest was a terrible sleeper, he woke up every two hours without fail from 4 months until he night weaned at 12 months, but this is next level. Last night I think he had about five hours sleep total. Co-sleeping doesn’t really work for us but he is in the next to me with the side down which has helped a bit, only in that I don’t have to keep picking him up as much so it saves my back!

I feel like I could have written these posts. Absolutely at rock bottom today. Co sleeping and feeding to sleep but still rarely getting more than an hours sleep at a time, and when my partner takes baby (20w) in the morning I'm often too wound up to sleep well then. Really feel broken by it at the moment.

I am so sorry. IT WILL GET BETTER.
I had the same. Check for tongue tie, milk allergies. Then at 6 months do sleep training and get your life back. Not cry it out! But soothing voice, stroking to sleep, not picking up. It saved my life.