2y8m switching off to sleep

[Carolinaa]

I’d appreciate any tips on getting my 2y8m old to switch off and sleep at night. We stopped feeding to sleep about a month ago and now he can’t seem to lie down and be quiet and sleepy. We do bath, books, dark room with nightlight and white noise. He lies either on my knee or in bed (prefers knee as he used to when feeding). I will sing lullabies, tell him to lie quietly, talk quietly etc. But being in that dark quiet room seems to make him more active. He starts talking and gets faster and louder, and sings songs loud and fast etc. And I can’t get him to calm down/switch off. If I speak quite firmly he goes quiet for a couple of minutes then starts talking again - so he tries but I don’t think he can control it. Some times he tried to get up but not that often, mostly he’s happy lying down just talking away. It can take 2 hours for him to drop off and it’s driving me mad - the usual can’t get anything done plus I feel quite stressed trying to get him to calm down. If I leave the room he gets really upset and just cries and shouts. Any ideas please? Thank you!

Does he still nap? And what time is bedtime?

It may not be the response you want, but in my experience, he needs to learn how to fall asleep without you there.

My son used to be a horrid sleeper and similarly to your situation, at his worst, he took up to 2 hours to go off. He used to like us to hold his hand but he'd often get hyper at silly. After a day at work, it was sending me to demented quite frankly. We cracked and sleep trained at 20 months and the improvement in a couple of days was insane. I'd never have believed it. I'm not saying that's the only solution, and it might need a slightly different tack with an older toddler, but getting our son to learn how to fall asleep without us was the key to everything. Us being with him, which we thought he absolutely needed, was actually stimulating him and just dragging out the whole miserable process.

He napped until gone 3 but even towards the end of that period, when it pushed his bedtime a bit later, we could put him in his room and he'd happily play for a bit before tucking himself up in bed when he was ready. Now he's dropped the nap he's in bed at 7, we have a kiss and cuddle, say 'night night' and leave him to fall asleep on his own fairly swiftly.

Thank you for your answers. Nap is unpredictable - he will in the car or pushchair but not in the house, and he often doesn’t at nursery now. Tbh I don’t even try in the house because it is such hard work. When he does nap it’s for 1 hour. Bed time is 7pm, usually takes an hour inc potty, so in his room by 8 but often not asleep before 10. Then awake about 7.30.

On sleep training, I would consider it. I honestly just feel it wouldn’t work, but it’s good to hear your experience. I think you are probably right if we can get over the initial hurdle all would be much better. But when we have left him before and gone in every so often he has cried/screamed for 45 mins and we’ve always given in. I have posted about this before and a lot of ppl said try when he’s 3 and he has a bit more understanding, which sounded reasonable. But since he stopped feeding to sleep a month ago it’s just worse than ever! The feeding at least kept him quiet and gave him a chance to drift off

I used to find that dd used to get more hyper the more tired she was. I think you need to move your bedtime routine earlier so he is on bed ready to sleep for 7 rather than 8. he has probably gone past the point of being tired.