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Sleep

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Original poster

Controlled crying / crying down

14 replies

slowlearner · 22/12/2007 16:11

DD is 12 weeks old and very hard to put to sleep! She's had dark rings around her eyes this week so I know she's exhausted but it's really hard to get her to nap in the day or to put her to bed in the evening. We tried "crying down" last night and she fell asleep after about an hour and 10 minutes but I found it horrendous and am very teary and emotional today. DH wantes to try it for a week to see if it helps but I find it so hard. Any tips? Might this work? Also not even sure if we're doing it right - we do bedtime routine including lullabies then leave her, just going in every 3 minutes to rub her tummy but usually that doesn't stop her crying. I find it heart-breaking but DH says it's for her own good.... I don't know if I can face it again. Anyone tried this method?

OP posts:

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 16:16

she fell asleep because she was exhausted that's all. Is she crying when she's awake?

As far as I'm aware even the controlled crying experts say it should not be carried out on a baby under one.

If your DH is expecting her to go down for a 12 hour sleep in the evening, he's probably expecting too much. Most 12 week old babies do not sleep through.

I really really think you shouldn;t do it. It's making you feel bad and it's making your baby feel bad and your DH is wrong if he thinks it's doing her any good.

moljam · 22/12/2007 16:20

i think your instincts are telling you not too.12 weeks is so little,your baby doesnt know your coming back!shes only young,she will sleep eventually but untill then im afraid your dh will just have to get used to having baby in house awake at night.

Original poster

slowlearner · 22/12/2007 16:26

We're not expecting her to sleep through the night, just trying to find a way of getting her to sleep in the first place. During the night she wakes for a feed roughly every 4 hours but settles easily afterwards so I don't consider that a problem at all - it's just starting off her night's sleep (or daytime naps) that's difficult at the moment. I read that controlled crying is only suitable after 6 months but crying down is OK for smaller babies (see www.askbaby.com/baby-sleep-training.htmv) - however I must admit I don't fully understand the difference between the two methods....???

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 22/12/2007 16:27

I have no answers really but we let dd1 cry and I still feel really bad about it. She only cried for 5-10 minutes and then went to sleep. She is 4 next month. If I could go back in time I wouldn't let her cry herself to sleep again.

dd2; I couldn't do it to her. She is now 4 months and has a dummy and or b/feed to get to sleep. I don't care what anyone thinks about the dummy it is right for her and right for us.

Sympathy to you though - the loss of your evening is very tough.

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 16:28

perhaps if you could explain a little more what is happening with your dd's naps and at night now and what it is your hoping to achieve, people could tell you whether what you want is realistic at the moment and whether there are less heartbreaking ways to get there. Opinions on controlled crying can get pretty heated and you sound so unhappy already I'd hate for this thread to leave you feeling even worse.

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 16:28

sorry cross-post

onepieceoflollipop · 22/12/2007 16:30

Some people would advise just doing what it takes (dummy, pram/car ride whatever) to get baby to sleep for nap times or early evening, especially in the early days.

All the theories are so overwhelming though, and you must do what is right for your family. I just think at 3 or 4 months they are so little and vulnerable and have no clue what you are doing to them when you leave them.

Shitemum · 22/12/2007 16:30

Babies need to learn to sleep properly just as they do everythng else. Try it for 3 days but go in every 2 mins - time it with the stopwatch on your mobile. If she isn't falling asleep after 15 or 20 mins then leave it another month or two. I did CC with DD1 at 3 mo and it worked very quickly and fairly painlessly, she cried a total max of 15 minutes for three nights and then went to sleep by herself from then on. She's a happy 4 yo now and still sleeps well. It is hard and you do have to steel yourself but as i said if you dont see some improvement after 3 nights wait a bit. I would actually start by getting the naps sorted using the same method. It's less traumatic as if it doesnt work after half an hour or so - going in every 2 mins - you just get them up again and it doesnt matter. If you think your DC is calming down and you may actually be preventing her from falling asleep then extend it to 4 mins between visits and then 6. I wish I could say it's worked for DD2 but i left it very late, she's over a year now and it's much harder once they can stand up. Or maybe I'm just going soft...

Original poster

slowlearner · 22/12/2007 16:45

I agree it's confusing with all the different theories out there, onroieceoflollipop. Speaking of which, I heard about the 'pick up put down' method but can't find it in the Baby Whisperer book. Does anyone know exactly how it works and has anyone tried it? It appeals to me more as you don't leave the baby crying. Need to decide on a plan quickly for this evening!! (up to now I have been breastfeeding her to sleep but sometimes like last night that fails and I am left with very full baby who still won't sleep)

OP posts:

Original poster

slowlearner · 22/12/2007 16:52

Beewisemen: in answer to your question, sometimes she goes an entire day without a nap and looks shattered!! It's horrible seeing a 12-week baby with dark circles round her eyes - I just want her to be well rested, which will also give me a few hours in the day and evening to get things done or just relax... I've heard that by improving their napping they will also go to sleep better at night. (and although the crying down made me emotional, so does the lack of sleep / routine anyway)

OP posts:

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 16:58

you should find some stuff on pupd here

I've never done it (or at least I don't think I have) so can;t reallly offer any advice on using it but hope it works for you.

My dd is also a sleep-resister during the day so I do sympathise. In fact she's waking from her 3rd 20 minute nap right now so better post this and run.

mylovelymonster · 22/12/2007 16:58

Hello - it sounds to me that your lo is overtired at night and the no-sleeping thing is a viscious circle - the best bit of advice I ever had was that a young baby can only be expected to be awake for a couple of hours at a time, and some babies (mine for an example) don't give clear signals when they're tired so it's important to take the lead and put them down for a nap at regular intervals during the day - 3 naps during the day at this age is usual (40mins-2hours, say), I think. It takes time & a lot of calm patience, but well worth helping your lo get into a good routine so that if she learns to nap & rest during the day the evenings should be less fraught. Good luck x

mylovelymonster · 22/12/2007 17:03

About pupd - I found this only worked when dd was 8+months, and it was essential to not pupd when she was less than this as it would just rouse/stimulate her. The only way I could get her to sleep was to try everything I could think of to calm her and make her feel warm safe & quiet. I really sympathise - it is so hard/exhausting/time consuming. It really does get better though.

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 17:07

you might find some useful stuff on this thread too

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