Stopping feed to sleep 5month old

[Sez1808]

Hi all

I’m having real trouble with my 5mo old getting to sleep without needing to be fed (she is EBF).

Basically I feed her until she comes off, I then will hold her for 15/20mins then put her in her cot asleep. This used to work fine no problem, but then we hit the 4 month regression and now she only lasts an hour before waking and crying. Last night she woke up 9 times.

I am absolutely drained and really don’t know how i can last much longer, I spend most of my days and nights in tears now because I’m so exhausted. This has been happening for over 7 weeks now.

We have a good bedtime routine which is book, bath, feed. It’s pitch black and we use white noise. I have tried to move the feed before the book but no avail.

When I put her in the cot awake/drowsy/after a wind, she just cries and cries and I just can’t sooth her other than feeding her.

Please can someone help? She won’t take a bottle or a dummy.

Thanks

Can you co- sleep? That way you can feed them with minimal wake up for you and them!

So my only concern is that the risk of SIDS is quite high with co sleeping if they were born under 2.5kg if I’m correct? She was 2kg but is pretty much normal weight for her age now..

You can stop feeding to sleep though not from one day to the next in my experience. You need to gradually implement small changes. So if you now hold her once she stops feeding, I would gradually reduce the time you hold her, then stop holding her altogether and put her down straight after the feed. If she cries when put down I would pick her up until calm, then lie her back down drowsy or awake. Repeat as often as necessary. There will be some crying but I would fine with that seeing as you will be there to comfort her.

I definitely wouldn't go down the co-sleeping route again - for me, there's nothing worse than having to breastfeed all night!

@Sez1808 Oh my goodness I could have written your post myself! My LO is almost 6 months and if anything this has got worse over the last month. I used to occasionally be able to soothe without feeding but now it’s impossible, even if she’s woken after just 20 minutes or so. At the point of considering sleep training as it’s very clearly a habit that is just getting stronger and stronger.

Following this with interest as I'm in the exact same position..

In the same boat with my 4mo

Just thought I’d give a quick update!
Although she is only 5 and a bit months old we decided to move her into her own room and do some controlled crying.

Last night was our second night and it was incredible. She settled within 10 minutes at bedtime and went for 3 hours!! At around 10 we had a couple of hours when she was asleep for a few minutes, then wake and we resettled her. We also fed her.
Then we had another 3 hours, she woke, fed her and made sure she was awake when we put her down then 5 minutes later she was back asleep for another 3 hours until 6.30am!!
The first night was not like this. She was awake from 1.30-4am and it took her an hour to go down for the first sleep.
But I’ve just put her down for her first nap, sleepy but awake and she’s been going for 50 mins.

I am honestly shocked and never thought we could get to this point as she is very stubborn but I think maybe she was ready to learn and go into her own room.

I appreciate this method isn’t the most favoured on this site and we are only on day 2 but genuinely feel like a new woman this morning!!

@Sez1808 That’s great news! We’ve been doing the same for the last 6 days and she’s now consistently going 4-5 hours, the night before last she did 9 straight!!
Still feeding her to sleep for naps though, but need to try and get off this as I go back to work in 2 weeks and my partner takes over!

Well done OP, its not an easy thing to do! I wish I'd been more proactive in sorting sleep earlier and not going through torture for so many months. Just a heads up that sleep will go up and down so you'll have to revisit the method every so often after illness, teething, developmental leaps etc but sounds like you've cracked it for now!

I find that the pro breastfeeding professionals are very supportive right up until you hit this issue and then they disappear and won’t help.

Sorry OP, your tiny little person is not “stubborn”, she is a baby, she just needs comfort and care at that age, and that includes plenty of hugs from you to make her feel safe. I know you write as if your controlled crying was a success, but it sounds like your LO was upset for a number of hours on both nights, and at 5 months, that’s just awful to hear. Moving her to her own room at that age is also against SIDS guidance. I know how hard it is, my now breastfed 10 month old was exactly the same at that age, but there are much gentler and age appropriate methods. To be clear, I am not against sleep training, but I am against leaving small babies on their own to cry. I night weaned my DD off the breast at 9 months when she was on 3 solid meals a day - we did this gently with no tears. She went straight to sleeping through for 9 hours, and there were no ‘several hours of wake ups’ as you say, because she was older and much more able to sleep for longer stretches. And after 9 months of responding to her needs, she was very secure and knew I would be there. I would never leave my LO to cry on her own at this stage - she has no idea what’s going on and where I am.

And @DarlingDarwin I’m not a breastfeeding ‘professional’, but there are plenty of ways of gently stopping feeding to sleep or feeding through the night when age appropriate with no upset and no abandonment, so I’m not sure why you don’t think there’s any ‘help’?

@DarlingDarwin Totally agree. There’s so much support getting them on the boob but getting them off (whether night weaning, onto a bottle etc) is a whole different story.

@BadgerBum oh wow sounds great! So pleased for you!

@DarlingDarwin I completely agree, there’s hardly any guidance out there for this!

@canyoutoleratethis I’m sorry but I do have to disagree with you. 3 nights we’ve been doing this and the difference it has made not only to me but my little girl aswell. She’s much more happy and her naps have vastly improved. My mental health has improved which means I’ve got more energy to make her day better and give her much more attention.

@canyoutoleratethis

I certainly didn’t say you were a professional. I’m not sure how having one child makes you a professional mate. Also, it’s great your child started randomly sleeping through at 9 month, but that’s why you didn’t need to sleep train. You’re lucky, not special. Leave the OP to her own childcare choices, the research either way of CIO is limited, and heavily flawed.

Other than “sharing a bed” or “gentle sleep training (of which there is actually very little other structure than “consider sharing a bed” or “dropping a feed”), there is very little help from health visitors, lactation consultants etc once you get to this point in our breast feeding journey.

[quote DarlingDarwin]@canyoutoleratethis

I certainly didn’t say you were a professional. I’m not sure how having one child makes you a professional mate. Also, it’s great your child started randomly sleeping through at 9 month, but that’s why you didn’t need to sleep train. You’re lucky, not special. Leave the OP to her own childcare choices, the research either way of CIO is limited, and heavily flawed.

Other than “sharing a bed” or “gentle sleep training (of which there is actually very little other structure than “consider sharing a bed” or “dropping a feed”), there is very little help from health visitors, lactation consultants etc once you get to this point in our breast feeding journey.[/quote]
I can assure you, mate, that my DD definitely did not randomly start sleeping through, so I am not lucky or special. It was the result of sleep training. But I chose a slow and gradual process through which she was always supported and held - similar to the pantley pull off method (there’s plenty of information about it on the internet and several threads on here that cover it). Up until 9 months she was still waking every 2 hours for a feed, so I have been there and got the t-shirt I can assure you.

Methods like that take time and commitment but they will get baby off of the breast and sleeping through. Leaving your baby to cry on its own is a much quicker way to get the same result. I would argue however that it’s cruel and unnecessary when there are other ways. I’m not sure why you think health visitors or lactation consultations should be teaching you that though? I haven’t see either since my LO was a few weeks old

Hi @Sez1808 how are you getting on? I am in a very similar situation. Working on getting baby to sleep in her own crib but by the trillionth wake-up she ends up in my bed and I feed her to sleep. I am basically a human dummy (she won't take actual dummy at these times although I continue to persevere!) It's so tough isn't it!!

Oh gosh I honestly feel your pain!! Controlled crying has really worked for us. It was a painful couple of days as I said but she is now such a good sleeper. We regularly get 4/5 hour stretches and we have even had 9 hours once which I never thought would happen!!
She’s just started teething so obviously have taken a break from it but she will still go 3 hours so it’s much better than what I was experiencing before. I watch the monitor and I can see her self settle which is just so rewarding.
Although not everyone agrees with the method, my mental health has improved so much. I’m no longer crying all night from lack of sleep and so can actually give my DD the attention she needs and she is a much happier baby because of it!

Oh that's great to hear, so glad things have improved for you! I think that will be our next step. We are trying a very slow approach but not really making any gains and just delaying everyone's misery I think!
So glad things have improved. Mums sleep so important to be present with baby in the day.