4 1/2 month old baby won't sleep

[Thatsnotmyname12]

Hi, I'm hoping to get some advice. I'm a first time mum to a 4 1/2 month old baby who is EBF and doesn't sleep at night. The sleep deprivation is slowly killing me and would be grateful to know what I need to do / change to improve the situation.

Baby goes to bed easily around 6.30-7pm and we've had a bedtime routine since about 7 weeks old. He is bathed or massaged, fed & rocked to sleep and put in a beside cot.
He usually sleeps until around 9pm before waking for a feed. If he wakes up before this, he won't settle at all for my husband and will only calm down / sleep for me.

From 9pm onwards, on a good night he'll sleep for 2 hour stretches and will settle back in his cot OK.
On a bad night, he will wake up as soon as I place him back in his cot after a feed and will then only sleep on me. I have tried safely co sleeping but he still cries/won't settle. Also tried leaning into cot to shush/pat but he also won't settle.

At night, I keep the light dim to feed him, don't talk to him and use a white noise machine.

During the day, he will have a long sleep in his pram in the mornings while I walk (around 1h30 mins to 2 hours). He will then fight sleep for his 2 other day time naps and I usually have to walk/sing/bounce him to sleep which can take ages. These naps only last 30 to 40 mins max. On a good day, he naps in his cot but often he contact naps as its the only way he'll stay asleep.

I try to follow the feed, play, sleep pattern but do feed him to sleep at times as it's easier.

He is generally a happy, healthy baby. He has been teething for a few weeks but doesn't seem to be sore at night (worse in afternoons). I started to wean him at 19-20 weeks and he really enjoys food but it hasn't made any difference to sleep.

Any advice welcome please! Thought things would get better after 4th trimester but haven't seen any improvement.

I'm afraid this is all biologically totally normal and to be expected- that doesn't mean it isn't brutal on you! There's a reason why new parents are always exhausted.

My DS didn't sleep longer than 2 hours in a stretch until he was over one. Your body will adjust. You have my sympathies x

I was afraid someone would say this! Thanks for replying and at least I know it's normal and I'm not doing anything wrong. All of my friends' babies are combi or bottle fed and they sleep through - good to know I'm not on my own

Sorry but my baby was same.

I think there are things you can do. Try not to feed to sleep, I know it’s hard! Try doing the bedtime feed before bath so baby goes to bed awake.

I slip a dummy in after a bf then lay down in cot.

Does baby need settled each time, my 5month has been waking a similar amount of times, im always jumping up to shhhh back to sleep but last night I went to toilet instead and he had resettled himself when I got back. Sometimes we act too quickly and baby is just having a squirm or passing wind!

I would probably try for a shorter morning sleep maybe an hour and try and get a long afternoon sleep.

This is my third and no way am I getting use to sleepless nights it’s too hard the next day to function well!

Getting baby sleepy but not over tired then patting to sleep....it can take a while so keep trying! Sometimes they will make a little cry this doesn’t mean you are neglecting them they might just be about to sleep at that point!

If baby always asleep for certain time then waking exactly 2 hours after you could try going in 10mins before and gently stirring baby and allowing them to re settle which should fingers crossed stop them waking at that point.

There are things you can try don’t just give in to no sleep! Good luck

Thanks for advice. Will try to implement your suggestions. Hope you're managing to get some sleep with 3 little ones!

The 4 month sleep regression is a very real regression that effects babies for a little while. Have a Google of it - there's no quick fix but it might help to know it'l pass!

4 month sleep regression- it's a bitch. Prepares you for the next one at 8/9 months which is a killer.

We turned a corner with night sleep once we started combi feeding, it almost meant even the rough nights could be shared and was an absolute saviour for my mental health which had been nosediving.

Obviously if you're keen to continue EBF then disregard this, and he will get there in his own time, and what's to say it would be the same for your child.. but I only kept forcing myself to continue out of guilt, which I realise now is so silly and baby needed a happy mum more than he needed breastfeeding exclusively. Combi took so much pressure off me and definitely made me a better mum in the sense of I wasn't an emotional tired wreck all the time! (To an extent, that first year is a killer!)

This isn’t that normal- waking is, but the frequency doesn’t have to be.
You need to encourage some self settling which will probably be stressful, but see it through. There are various techniques, like parting/holding hand on baby whilst shushing. Your baby needs help sleeping, whether it’s waking/cuddling etc and is struggling to sleep without this. The 4m sleep regression exists because this is when babies realise they need to consciously go to sleep.
Look up justchillmama on Instagram. She has lots of good tips.
Balancing your mental health with strategies to get sleep is Important, you don’t have to accept feeling like shit because everyone tells you that ‘it’s normal’. And don’t feel guilt for wanting a decent chunk of sleep! Come up with your plan/strategy then stick to it. Even just having a plan with an end goal of sleep being better can help mental health.
Good luck- it gets better!

Thank you everyone for reading and replying. Always good to hear from those who've gone through it. Sounds like I need to work on DS self settling / getting back to sleep on his own.
I know the 4 month sleep regression is probably at play, but we didn't start from a good place to regress from in the first place! Haha
Just Chill Mamma is great, already follow her from some recommendations on other posts. Think perseverance and hopefully time will improve things!
Thanks again everyone

@yebbie

Do you mind sharing some details on your combi feeding experience please? Did you find introducing formula helped your baby to sleep or was the benefit the fact that you & your partner/husband could share night feeds? Hoping that if we introduced a formula bottle near bedtime this may help baby to sleep a bit longer but this may be a bit optimistic!??

We started combi feeding because I just desperately needed a break, but ended up really turning a corner with his sleep. We started out by replacing his last feed before bed time with a bottle of formula and he went from waking up every 1.5/2 hours to doing a 6 hour stretch after that bottle, which was long enough to atleast feel human again.

We did that for a few weeks and then I replaced another 2 feeds in the day with formula as well and he started doing 8 hour stretches! We stayed doing the 2 day time feeds and 1 bedtime feed for a few months until eventually he showed a clear preference and rejected the breast and we moved fully to formula. It obviously won't be the same with every child, but in his case it did make a difference to his sleep, and it also shared the load with dh being able to step in so it was an absolute saviour for my mental health which had been nose diving with the lack of sleep. I'm all for EBF if it works for you but don't ever feel bad for trying formula if you need or want to, a happy mum makes a happy baby.

All so normal. There is an element of martyrdom to ebfing. It means you are always on nights. It will get better though when baby starts weaning. It's more about your coping mechanisms.

I wouldn't worry about feeding to sleep, it's a lovely bonding thing to get baby into a lovely dream like state. I don't agree that combo feeding is the magic answer but if you want someone else to take a shift without the annoyance of pumping then go for it.

The answer for me was to co-sleep. DH slept elsewhere. I followed all the safe sleep instructions and it meant I could feed laying down and go back off to sleep really quickly.

Say yes to any help that's offered, nap when you can. Drink plenty of water and eat lots (this is no time for dieting).

Thanks @Yebbie. Great that you had such an improvement with sleep and I'm sure it made such a difference to how you felt.
Have mixed feelings about adding in formula as feel like I've gotten through the hard early days of bf but really need some sleep at this point! You're right that our babies just need a happy, functioning mum! Thanks again for sharing your experience & advice xx

@Thatsnotmyname12

Thanks *@Yebbie*. Great that you had such an improvement with sleep and I'm sure it made such a difference to how you felt. Have mixed feelings about adding in formula as feel like I've gotten through the hard early days of bf but really need some sleep at this point! You're right that our babies just need a happy, functioning mum! Thanks again for sharing your experience & advice xx

If you're not ready to give up EBF then honestly just know that it will pass in time! Babies change so much so quickly, it just feels like a lifetime at the time when you're so tired! I agree with the poster below if EBF then co-sleeping is a game changer. He fed every 1.5/2 hours all night but we just slept on a mattress on the floor, with no duvet or pillows and I slept topless so he could latch on and off throughout the night and I could mainly sleep through. I always woke up when he latched on or off as I was so hyper aware of crushing him. My midwife showed me how to co sleep safely when I was EBF and struggling, it was lying on your side with one arm straight out in front of you, it somehow stops you rolling forewords and crushing them, it wasn't the best sleep with no tops or blankets but it was better than nothing

@espressomartiniweeny
Thanks for your reply. You're so right about the martyrdom attitude - think I'm putting that on myself rather than others! Know formula may not make any difference to sleep whatsoever & things may just improve (hopefully) with age. I've tried co sleeping but lo is only satisfied if he's lying on my chest to sleep. Lying beside me he still wakes often / cries / won't settle. Lovely that I get lots of cuddles and love the bond of bf. Thanks for your advice.