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Sleep

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Original poster

Cot issues

12 replies

cheezandbeanz · 30/12/2021 20:36

We are in a bit of a pickle with my 11 month old and his sleep.

I've coslept since day one, happily and breastfed all night every night. My DS and I sleep happily next to each other and both get lots of sleep.

Problem is.... husband wants to come back in with us..... and I just don't get any sleep with him in the bed/room. We have a superking so there is the space but he snores, wakes up very early for work, tosses and turns, wakes DS up.... I'd just rather he didn't come back in to be honest but I think I need to be fair. He's been very patient to date....

So I'm trying hard to get my DS to sleep in his cot, in his room. Shock horror, he hates it. I feed to sleep but he then stirs realises he's not with me/in his cot and he freaks out and cries and won't resettle.

This has been going on for weeks and inevitably I end up bringing him in to bed with me and kicking poor DH out to the spare room again.

I think reluctantly I need to persist with getting DS to sleep in his cot even though I'd rather he was next to me (I sleep better when he is!)

Anyone got any tips for how I can stop him waking every hour all night long while in his cot? It feels an impossible task!

He's never self settled - ever!

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ReindeerPooppoo · 30/12/2021 20:41

Could you fit the cot in your room next to the bed so he gets used to sleeping in there but when he wakes can hear you or you can settle him. Then move the cot away as the next step.
By the way I don’t understand how the thread title relates to your post.

cathyj87 · 30/12/2021 20:45

Oh my goodness I could have written this myself! I bedshared with my daughter until 11 months when DH wanted to come back to our bed.
We got a floor bed, a slat bed base from IKEA with rails on the sides. To start the process I slept on her new mattress beside my bed and popped up to settle her if needed then back onto it. Then moved it into her room and I slept near but not with her.

I still need to go in to settle her during the night (2.5yr) but usually just to lie hervback down. If she's not well or very unsettled I just stay in her bed with her and most times just by being there she sleeps a lot better.

I will admit to being a bit resentful of DH, for a long time I sorely missed waking up to her wee smile in the morning but I realised it wasn't fair and the time had come.

cathyj87 · 30/12/2021 20:49

Forgot to answer the regular wakes bit sorry. I read The No Cry Sleep Solution book and realised she stirred so much because she was falling asleep at the breast and when her sleep cycle ended her setup had changed so she woke rather than resettling. I still fed to sleep but had to get her used to not falling asleep with the nipple in her mouth. Be warned, it was a slow process not a quick fix!

Original poster

cheezandbeanz · 30/12/2021 21:04

I meant to ask about floor beds and then forgot and got side tracked 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

cheezandbeanz · 30/12/2021 21:07

Thanks @cathyj87 yep I'm a bit resentful. I love my husband dearly but I love sleeping with DS so much. I just don't sleep as well when he's not right next to me. Plus with going back to work soon I'll miss him even more.

I thought about getting a floor bed so I could share with him in his room should I need to.

How did you make it safe? I think I'd be nervous knowing he could wander around the room should he wish to! I wouldn't have space in our bedroom so would be straight in his room.

I know I need to stop feeding Ds to sleep but honestly don't even know where to start!

OP posts:

Shedmistress · 30/12/2021 21:09

Sounds like your husband is actually the more noisy one at night.

I mean he wants to sleep back in the bed, but he wakes you up so until he can sleep properly, he stays away.

Lacedwithgrace · 30/12/2021 21:27

A montessori bed could work?

roarfeckingroarr · 30/12/2021 21:33

I could write this. DS is 14 months.

Does your husband need to come back in? I'm not suggesting he sleeps next door forever but right now he's putting his wishes over the well-being and sleep or his wife and child by insisting. It's his fault he snores, can't he fix that first?

EdithGrantham · 30/12/2021 21:34

Can you not share with DH and DS? We have DD in with us with the next-to-me crib as an extension of the bed in case she rolls (will sidecar the cot when she's older to serve the same purpose)

LifeIsBusy · 30/12/2021 23:22

We have DS2s cot set up like a next2me attached to my bed. Solves both problems fairly easily.

DS1 hated a cot so he slept with us (we initially moved him out at 6 months and moved him back in when I was sick of wandering round the house 50 times a night). We moved him back out around 19months and just settled him in a bed rather than a cot which he liked.

ReindeerPooppoo · 31/12/2021 07:53

On the wandering round the room issue, you just child proof the room. You will have to do this at some point anyway, so look at blind cords, don’t have anything plugged in and only clothes/toys in lower level drawers etc

cathyj87 · 31/12/2021 11:41

@cheezandbeanz

Thanks *@cathyj87* yep I'm a bit resentful. I love my husband dearly but I love sleeping with DS so much. I just don't sleep as well when he's not right next to me. Plus with going back to work soon I'll miss him even more.

I thought about getting a floor bed so I could share with him in his room should I need to.

How did you make it safe? I think I'd be nervous knowing he could wander around the room should he wish to! I wouldn't have space in our bedroom so would be straight in his room.

I know I need to stop feeding Ds to sleep but honestly don't even know where to start!

Thankfully she's not a wanderer, once she's in bed she stays there but as someone else said, just baby proof the room. You can opt for stair gate at their door if you want to keep them in there but we just have one for the stairs. In terms of stopping feeding to sleep check out that book, I think I got it new off ebay for £2. I still do feed to sleep but she can link her sleep cycles now so it's not a problem any more.

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