On my knees with exhaustion

[Shmerlock]

I'm desperate for advice/support with my DD's sleep - I can't cope much longer with so little sleep and am finding myself in tears out of pure frustration every night.

My little girl is now 6 months old and for the last 6 weeks her sleep has become horrendous. She has never been a great day napper, we're lucky if we get 30mins out of her at a time - and this is in the pram/car or boob never just in her cot. Up until 4.5 months she was a pretty brilliant night sleeper, since then it is non-existent. She wakes regularly through the night - every hour/hour and a half (that's no exaggeration, you could set your clock by her). She doesn't just wake up, but wakes up crying and often becomes inconsolable if we don't pick her up pretty quickly.

Recently this has become even worse and she's now waking every 40mins, sometimes 30. She won't settle back to sleep unless she is vigorously bounced with lots of shushing or on the boob - ultimately all she wants is boob! I genuinely think if I left her to it she'd comfort feed all night.

My partner and I are beyond exhausted now, I feel sick with it and genuinely worry about driving each day as I'm so tired. It's making me feel so resentful towards her, especially at night, as our sleep is so broken, the constant crying at night feels overwhelming and I am so anxious each evening about impending bedtime because I know it's going to be another night from hell. I hate to admit this but Im struggling to maintain any patience with her at night time, I feel like screaming and running away because I'm just so completely drained and touched out from the constant feeding - it feels like she's a newborn again. In the day I'm fine, and she's generally a happy baby - although can have bouts of irritability and screaming which I think is overtiredness. I really don't know how she survives on so little sleep.

Any advice would be amazing because I'm truly at a loss as to what to do and it's now having a massive impact on mine and my partner's relationship.

Some background on my DD:

• Suffered terribly with silent reflux from birth but this seems to be improving now
• I'm currently 4 weeks dairy free as GP suspected CMPA (although I'm not entirely convinced)
• Born very small, 5 pounds 12 ozs
• Extremely alert, wants to see EVERYTHING
• Has been very dribbly for a while now so unsure if teething?
• is very windy at night, always around 3am, which wakes her and causes her discomfort - I always wind her after feeds, and do lots of bicycle legs throughout the day, but she still always has trapped wind at night no matter how much.

Our current routine:

• book/bath/cuddle/feed every night at about 7pm.
• she usually naps between 10-11am but only in her pram or the car as she fights and cries if I try and put her to sleep any other way.
• another nap between 2-3pm, usually ends up being fed to sleep for this as otherwise she just fights and fights it.
• occasionally she'll have another nap between 4-5pm if it's been a particularly crap day where she's barely slept.

All of these naps can be pushed back by an hour though when she's had an awful night as she'll sometimes sleep until 8:30 ish rather than her usual 7am wake up. I've tried moving bedtime earlier and later - neither have made a difference!

I hope this all makes sense because I feel like it's so rambling, thank you so much if you've made it to the end of this post!! If nothing else it's given me an outlet to get it all off my chest.

Didn't want to read and run, just sat here with my nearly 4mo going through a sleep regression! Teething is very possible, DD1 was an ok sleeper until she started teething, then all hell broke loose.

Can you try expressing milk so you and your partner can take turns? Are you using any medication for reflux/wind, if she still struggles in the middle of the night it might be worth it?
My DD2 is a horrible day sleeper, only sleeps on my lap. Night's been bad but pretty sure that's developmental. It sounds so tough for you!

It’s hellish isn’t it, you’re not alone loads of us have been there and the exhaustion is unimaginable. First to say, it definitely will improve so don’t lose heart. Second unless you HAVE to drive a car, just don’t! Order grocery shopping online and leave the car parked til you sort this phase out.

Some ideas to help you play detective:
Yes crying in the night, dribbling, etc - I agree could be teething. My babies loved Ashton and Parsons teething powder rubbed on their gums. Took ages for my DD’s first teeth to appear but I’m still sure the grumpiness was teething.

My son had reflux and terrible wind; and dairy allergy which he grew out of age 12 months. As I was EBF, I completely removed dairy from my diet also foods that can cause wind like too many onions, brassicas, strong flavours like spices and garlic. It appeared to help and I lost a stone in weight as a bonus!

Does the crying seem like it could be pain to you? If you are feeding at night are you sure you are winding properly? I don’t mean to patronise you as if you bouncing the baby a lot you’re obviously up with her, but I found wind at night was stubborn. With both my babies, I needed to get a burp out of them after every feed, otherwise the wind was horrendous. My dd liked to be bounced, it ruined my back and took us months to gently sleep train her with shushing and patting. With my DS I simply do-slept, but still I was so tired! Reflux babies are very hard work.

Have you started to wean your dd? Sometimes that can help or mess things up generally so maybe tinker with what you are doing /not doing.

My other thought is seasonal change - is the temperature right in the house, and most importantly is your baby getting fresh air? Dump the driving and walk, every day. Come rain or shine or snow. Babies thrive on fresh air, and I would walk once or twice a day, in total between an hour or two. My dd always slept in the pram on long walks, my son hated sleeping in the pram and just wanted to watch the world go by, but if they dozed off I’d often walk home, I had to time it just right so they were in a deep sleep and didn’t notice when the pram stopped moving but if I got it right, I would sit on a metal chair i had in the front garden and just read or dozed while the baby napped. Sleeping and being outdoors is amazing for babies even in winter. I just can’t recommend fresh air enough, even if you feel too tired to stand up it will do you both good.

@Smurftastic thank you! Since typing my original post she's had 30 minutes sleep and is currently asleep on me after being fed - made the mistake of moving her to her cot before which resulted in yet more crying so I've given in and back on me it is!! Partner isn't going to take over in an hour so I can get some sleep.

Unfortunately I struggle to express much, I never seem to get a lot. Plus if I'm anywhere near her when my partner tries to feed her with a bottle she goes ballistic!!

I genuinely don't think it's hunger either, she associates boob with sleep - plus she uses it for comfort now. She's never taken a dummy and my boobs seem to do the job a dummy would do!!

We've given gripe water but that doesn't seem to help much with the wind. She was on Omeprazole but that made her worse so we stopped, and gaviscon made her constipated! That was why our GP suggested CMPA so I'm currently dairy free to see if that helps, reflux has eased but we're still struggling with wind!

Doesn't help she's had two horrid colds in the space of 4 weeks which have also impacted her sleep 😫

Its so tough isn't it!? You have my sympathies and I hope the regression passes quickly for you and your LO! Xx

Have you started solid food yet?
It could be that she's really hungry and milk no longer enough
Some baby porridge just before bedtime got my two through the night.
Is she in her own room? If not, maybe the noises you are making in the night is waking her up. I would not be quick to go and pick her up if she cries - if she can learn to settle herself it will get a lot easier

@NotTheGrinchAgain thank you for your lovely reply, I really appreciate it. Honestly never thought I could survive on so little sleep but here we are!!!

Fresh air definitely helps you're right! I walk her everyday in her pram - usually around 10/11am as she normally gets tired then. I would say she normally naps then but it's a battle!! Even in the pram I have to walk her for a good 40mins before she drifts off, she sounds like your son as she wants to look at everything! Even then I'm lucky if she stays asleep for 30minutes in the pram and once she wakes she tends to get very fussy very fast as she wants to be out. Sometimes I feel like she has a lot of frustration as she wants to be able to do more than she can.

My back has also been ruined by the constant carrying/rocking/bouncing!! I do try and make sure I wind her properly and tend to not give in until I've had a burp 😅 but maybe I need to do it more? I do lots of baby yoga with her too to help get trumps out of her! Our biggest issue is bottom wind rather than top 🤣.

I'm finding the dairy free so tough, especially this time of year! You wouldn't think I would as I was vegan for a few years a while ago!! But I got the taste for it again whilst pregnant and now I miss it!

I am about to start weaning her, just waiting on a dietician appointment for her. But I'm going to start with vegetables for now. I'm really hoping that helps things rather than makes them worse 🤞🏻 but trying not to pin all my hopes on it!

The reflux was horrendous, we had an awful time with it and then when she hit 3 months it started to ease - we still have the occasional flare up, particularly when she's teething, but nowhere near as bad as it was.

Thanks again for your thoughtful reply, it's given me lots to consider! Xx

@nicesausages we're starting her on solids this week, I'm really hoping it helps as I think you're right and she is still hungry. We're just waiting on an appointment with a dietician as she's currently dairy free so I'm sticking with veg for now.

We are going to put her in her own room in the new year, just had some work done recently on our house so her room was being used to store the furniture! I'm hoping that'll help too but who knows!? I try and leave her in our bedroom now as the monitor is set up, but she still wakes up just as regularly even without us in there!

We try and not go to her immediately but she goes from 0-100 very fast, and we live in terraced housing with our neighbours bedroom next to ours so we don't want to keep them up all night too! To put it in to context, if they cough we can hear it clearly so they can definitely hear her screaming! We're trying to get the balance right of now reacting immediately whilst not disturbing our neighbours too much - it's tough! Xx

Sorry op it is really hard. Your baby is only 6 months though and it is normal to have periods of bad sleep like this, some babies are awful sleepers for many months from birth. Have you tried putting her in her own room yet? We actually found that helped as sometimes we were waking DC in our sleep.

Are you still on maternity leave? If so just don’t drive when you’re that tired, it’s not safe.

@Overthebow we are going to put her in her own room in the new year as she turned 6 months yesterday, just had some work done recently on our house so her room was being used to store the furniture! I'm hoping that'll help too but who knows!? I try and leave her in our bedroom now as the monitor is set up so we can see her and know she's safe, but she still wakes up just as regularly even without us in there!

God, you have my sympathy. Ds2 crying and crying and crying, off and on ALL night, bought me to my knees. I literally fell to my knees sobbing, with sleep deprivation.

GP referred me to MH, even though my Dh and Mum insisted there was nothing wrong with me. Consultant was useless. Starting weaning early (as advised by consultant) helped a bit.

Poor you. I got my mum or my sister-in-law to look after the boys whilst I slept. I even booked him into the gym crèche and slept aswell, out of desperation. Can you get anyone to help you, so you can sleep?

It sounds like she's hungry OP - I'd start weaning - puréed veg etc for 2 weeks before introducing puréed fruits
I'd also drop the breastfeeding and move onto formula so you know exactly what she's getting - she should be getting around 5 lots of 180ml or 210ml or more per day as well as starting the solid food

To me it sounds like you are doing far more sensible things than I did with my babies! hopefully someone who knows more will hop on soon,, and talk about leaps and sleep regressions and such like.

But goodness this sounds so familiar. With winding, I always gave up after one burp, as a second was often elusive and not worth the effort to attempt it. But whatever I did there was wind at the bottom end, to one degree of seriousness or another. I am sure with my son, who had bad reflux until I went on a strict diet, that the wind was just little bubbles I couldn’t jiggle out, or maybe his gut somehow fermented the milk and created more gas but it was horrible seeing him in so much discomfort. In the daytime i would often put him in a sling, he loved being carried and would nap in there too, I think having his little knees tuck up helped him be in the best position to relieve the wind.

If she has had colds too, then that might be your answer (or runny nose - another symptom of teething - flushed cheeks and pulling ears can be teething too). Tiny ears and noses get blocked so easily, and sucking is a natural instinct as it helps them clear airways and relieves pain all in go.

With my dd, who was ebf and gassy but not refluxy, I followed a gentle sleep routine and training - in the daytime she would always eat, then play, change if needed, then sleep. I read this in a book I was given and I am not sure it was right, but it made sense to me that lots of wriggling after eating must be good for the bottom-end abs to be worked out. I did the whole “putting her down drowsy” thing which was an unmitigated disaster (not gentle AT ALL she screamed blue murder) so we ended up bouncing and singing, then added in a long period of shushing and patting in the cot, although she liked one hand on her continuously and to be wobbled rather than patted, it was a bit like a slow heartbeat rhythm.

My son simply couldn’t fall asleep lying down d to the reflux and so he got in a bad habit of falling asleep upright, being carried, this actually went on for two YEARS but strangely that was better for my back than all the bouncing and leaning over the cot!

Oh looking back I made so many mistakes, I guess, but you do what you can to limp through. Probably I should have left them in the cot to CIO at a month old like my MiL wanted me to, lol.

You poor thing, you must be exhausted 💐 It sounds like your DP is helping anyway so guess you’ve tried shifts? You said she only settles for the boob so I know it’s hard but maybe your DP will be able to get her to sleep with rocking. I’m back in the newborn stage with DS2 and knowing I can get a couple of hours unbroken sleep at the start of the night gives me the energy to cope later on.

What’s she sleeping in at the moment? DS1 got too big for his snuz pod at 5 months and was waking every 45 mins because he was trying to roll over and getting stuck. We moved him into his cot and his sleep improved. Just a thought as PPs have suggested everything else!

It sounds very much like the 4 month developmental progression/ sleep regression.
Bedsharing saved my sanity at this age, honestly don’t know how I’d have made it through otherwise! Learn how to do it safely and try it for a few weeks. You’ll get so much more sleep and rest!

Mine are teenagers but I remember the sleep deprivation of baby years well! Sleep deprivation is a form of torture after all ... so my suggestions are first - if you can have someone take baby for a walk or out and you have a nap / bath and feel human. Or you go somewhere where you can do that. Get as much support as you can- ask for help with cleaning, cooking and get outside for a fresh air everyday. This will pass but you need to get through it in one piece.

It really sounds like teething, which makes sense if you re also ready to add in solid food. There's a lot of brain development happening at 6 months - so babies often want the comfort and to be held at this age. It's normal.

Few extra thoughts - cranial osteopathy can help wonders for teething / reflux and / or sleep patterns. It's incredibly gentle - I watched both of mine visibly relax during treatment. Their sleep improved.

One of mine had reflux and wanted to be held upright constantly. I used an Ergo baby carrier- which meant I had hands free and could get stuff done and my back was ok. He d nod off in it and I d just carryon - could do housework, use the laptop or just nap too !

I co - slept next to mine for a while - because he literally latched on and off all night but that way we both slept. It was actually heaven. The sucking can be a is a form of pain relief for babies. Breast feeding releases oxytocin which makes you drowsy - nature wants you to sleep too ! The contact was very bonding- my DH got it and didn't mind.

Good luck as you start solids and I hope you get some rest today.

Do you feed her to sleep? If so, the timing would indicate that this is probably the four month sleep regression with an added dose of developing object permanence - if she falls asleep on the boob and she stirs and it's not there, then she wakes up and all hell breaks loose. DD was in this from 3.5 months until we sleep trained her at 7.5 months and it got gradually worse during that period - for some the regression ends by itself after 2-6 weeks but a lot of babies get stuck in it for much longer. I know it's not for everyone but if the alternative is dangerous driving and relationship breakdown then please consider that sleep training is not actually the poison some on here will have you believe. We used gradual retreat, which does involve crying (though no more than you're getting already by the sound of it) but does not involve leaving them to cry. If you can afford it I would recommend hiring a sleep consultant, for the hand-holding if nothing else, and a good one will assess whether they're ready weight-wise and try to identify what else could be going on so that any sleep training you do actually helps. Six months is generally considered the age above which you can sleep train and many people find 7 months to be a good age for it.

Oh also, if you think she's in pain with teething I would go straight to the good stuff (Calpol) - as covered on another thread just yesterday, it doesn't cause harm if used in the correct dosage and for most babies is going to be a lot more effective than homeopathic granules

Sleep training wasn't for me ( and that's not a dig at anyone it's just my experience. This is a good resource for help in understanding what's going on at this age and has a lot of suggestions. My opinion is fathom out / understand why
baby is crying. Hang in there you ll get through. They do sleep through eventually - I tried sleep training but it was too stressful for me! so I quickly abandoned it and found other solutions. They worked - both kids slept through in their own time. Do what's right for you.

kellymom.com/blog-post/why-we-dont-like-sleep-training-for-babies/

Thank you all for your comments and advice, sorry I haven't replied but they have helped me in what has been a very tough few nights. I've hit a real low point with it recently and the sleep deprivation is really getting on top of me. We've paid for a sleep course, only £30 so nothing that'll break the bank, which has come highly recommended so praying it'll help us!! I love my daughter so much but this is becoming unbearable 😫