Co-sleeping

[ChrissyxJingle]

Hello,

I'm having a wobble in terms of our sleeping arrangement and parenting choices so I'm looking for any pearls of wisdom please.

Did you co-sleep? If so, for how long?

If you no longer co-sleep, what was the transition like from your bed to baby's own bed? Any tips?

Even if you don't have any tips, any positive vibes you can send would be appreciated.

I'm feeling so deflated and that I have made so many wrong choices just to maximise my own sleep when really, all I have done is made it more difficult for me in the long run.

Happy holidays x

I do-slept with both of mine until 3. The eldest was a struggle to get her in her own bed, the second a doddle. By the time they're 3 you can reason with them, ie do sticker charts. The eldest found it hard I think as I was expecting her sister. They are now adults and no regrets now but it was hard at times. I just always went with my gut and my gut said they needed to be near to us (especially as I breastfed.)

I coslept with my daughter fully until 17 months when I moved her into a toddler bed (with a guard on the side). She still wakes once at night to breastfeed, which will be just for comfort I'm sure, but I don't mind and will bring her into bed with me at that point (around 4-5am). I'm very anti any sleep training which is why I've gone down this route. It was a really easy transition to the toddler bed, as it was a new environment (moved house) anyway.
What is making you feel worried about your parenting choices? As long as you, baby and your partner are happy, that is really all that matters.

Can you explain a bit more about your situation OP? Otherwise people won’t really know what to post that is useful/relevant.

But to answer your question, no, I have never co-slept, not once. The newborn days were absolutely brutal but my personal view is if you can push through them without bringing the baby into the bed, then past the age of around 3 months, sleep is much better & easier for everyone. Anecdotally if you bring them into the bed it might help for a few weeks or months but creates a more wakeful child longer term.

Yes, I co-slept with both of mine and I don't regret it for a second. Sleep deprivation was brutal and co-sleeping was the best way to ensure I slept. My sleep - and my sanity - was far more important than any inconveniences caused by co-sleeping.

I co slept with both of mine from birth. Baby 1 was a terrible sleeper and it was the only way I could cope.

They were about 3/4 when they started to sleep in their own beds. Moving them was a gradual process!

It didn’t do them any harm and I don’t regret it - it was the best solution for us.

@thosethreewords thank you, we were also thinking of transitioning straight into a bed toddler when we’re ready. I think it’s just the fact the way we do things seems worlds apart from everyone else I know with a baby. We don’t have a routine or set nap times or bed time. It all depends on wake up times. Naps are wherever we are at the time, we don’t make sure they’re in the bedroom. More often than not, he goes to bed late (past 8pm), he wakes up late (between 9am-10am), doesn’t sleep independently and is breastfed back to sleep whenever he wakes which is possibly 6+ times a night but I don’t count. We were happy with co-sleeping as we do feel that we get enough rest despite the multiple wake ups but I have started to think that I am the reason he is so wakeful in the night. I‘ve had a few negative comments recently and shocked faces when I’ve mentioned co-sleeping and getting a lie in until 10am so it has made me second guess my choice and think I’m doing it all wrong.

@lifeisnteasy I’ve summarised above but what you mentioned about a wakeful child is one of my worries. I don’t think my baby got the memo about sleep being better past 3 months as our experience was quite the opposite, and we weren’t even co-sleeping at that point.

@nix32 and @vulcanodon - thank you, it’s reassuring that you both had positive experiences! Did you find any inconveniences of co-sleeping? We are renovating our house so don't have a nursery but I keep to'ing and fro'ing with the thought out biting the bullet and putting him in his own room when the house is finished. Any tips for the transition if we do choose to do this?

I‘ve had a few negative comments recently and shocked faces when I’ve mentioned co-sleeping and getting a lie in until 10am so it has made me second guess my choice and think I’m doing it all wrong.

They’d have loved me then!

DD slept on me for 3 months, then in a hammock for part of the night and next to me for the rest. At 9 months she went into a vintage cot in her room for part of the night and next to me for the rest. She transitioned straight into a full sized single at 17 months, coming in with us at some point in the night until she was about 4. (She started full time school nursery at 3.5).

She slept midnight till noon until she was 3. The night before she started school she was still up at 10:30. She’s never gone to sleep before 9:30pm unless very unwell.

She’s now a very bright and happy 11 year old who is excelling at school and out of school activities despite not wanting to go to bed till gone 10pm.

We’ve travelled a lot since DD was born and co-sleeping only ever made things easier.

Hi I was wondering if I could get some advice?
My baby is 7 months exclusively breastfeeding and also cosleeping.
I’m struggling a lot as she will only sleep if I’m next to her.. she uses my nurses to sleep and will wake frequently in the night and nurse to soothe. If I get her to sleep and then leave her she will wake almost immediately which is making it impossible to put her down for naps in the day and get things done. I have tried putting her in her own room but she is hysterical until she falls asleep and then wakes only a few minutes after which feel to painful to endure for a whole night.
Thankyou

Currently cosleeping with my third and last baby. He is four months old. I absolutely love it and would not dream of having a baby sleep anywhere else.

With DS1 I kind of muddled through and moved him to his own bed when I noticed he slept better without me there and kept kicking off the covers. About age 2. That was fine.

DS2 DH insisted on him being out of the bed by 1 year old so we moved him to his room but as soon as he woke up at about 11pm I'd bring him into our room anyway. We did this until he was 2.5 and then I started some gentle night weaning so introduced a short delay before feeding which got longer and longer, and gave myself a curfew that he wasn't allowed into our bed before a certain time that got later and later. I'd probably do these earlier next time, more like 12-18 months than 2.5 years because they didn't feel cruel (it was more training me!) and actually worked. However once the baby was born he started walking up at night again.

And as for the negative comments they can keep their nose out. None of their business! Getting a lie in sounds brilliant. Do what works for you.

Hi OP,

My DD is 8 months and I've co slept with her every night since birth, I've tried her in the cot next to me twice and she woke up crying.

I love co sleeping, I sleep well and so does she and it's so much easier feeding her in the night. I do question myself often, especially when I get comments from people telling me it's the wrong thing to do or that I've made a mistake

Don't worry about other people, do what works for you.
. I've been cosleeping since birth and now DC is 21 months. Over time sleep has gradually improved of its own accord. Often now they will go through until 5 or 6, then feed then back down until 7 or 8 which works for me.

One thing I've done with an eye to the future is bought a double floor bed which we share in their room. At some point I'll gradually withdraw, which I think will be easier on them than moving out of my room and bed would be, but time will tell.

Cosleeping is biologically normal and still the norm in much of the world. Western society has a weird hang up about it, but don't let that ruin things for you.

You're not alone! My DS is coming up to one year. We cosleep and he breast feeds all night. He still naps on me. I too feel like everyone judges us. I am trying not to care! I too feel like I've made mistakes etc etc and that he will always be a terrible sleeper but honestly I've tried to follow my heart at every stage so surely that can't be wrong?

A solid routine wouldn't work for us or our lifestyle.

You're doing an amazing job x

Thank you so much for your positive comments.

@navigatingadolescence I totally agree with you on the travelling comment! Sleeping arrangements is never something we have to worry about. It’s great in that respect!

@hannahmummyyy Have you tried a sling for daytime naps? She can then nap on you but you’re able to get things done at the same time.

My baby also feeds or comforts himself on me all night so you are not alone. At bedtime, I nurse lying down and then slowly crawl away. He usually sleeps for 1-2 hours before he wakes so I’ll go back up to nurse him back to sleep. I do that every time he wakes until I go to bed. He wakes a lot. Sometimes every 20-30 minutes. It’s intense and I’m not entirely sure it’s considered “normal” at his age but I live in hope that when he’s older he will learn how to sleep for longer stretches.

@bertiebotts thanks for sharing what you did. I definitely feel like I’m muddling through at the minute. I don’t have confidence in what I’m currently doing but I’m also fearful to change it. I like the very gentle approach you took so will bare that in mind for future!

@chuchali ah so it’s not just me that gets negative comments then! It does make you question yourself doesn’t it. Yes, feeding is definitely easier! Do you feed every time your daughter wakes? I feel like my baby is attached to me all night. That’s another thing I get unhelpful comments on!

@notvictorianhonestly that’s really comforting to know that it gradually improved on its own. I really don’t want to do any sleep ‘training’. I like the idea of co-sleeping in their room to make the transition easier. That’s something I will definitely do when our house renovations are complete.

@cheezandbeanz I agree. It can’t be wrong if it’s what you feel is the right thing to do. My current wobble is that I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do for us. If my boy slept well then I don’t think I’d be having second thoughts but he is attached to me all night and wakes very very very very frequently. People have made me think that co-sleeping is the issue but I can’t fathom how putting him in a room on his own would make a difference as he still wakes when we’re not in the room. Maybe he’s just not a ‘good’ sleeper yet. It’s very reassuring to read these posts from people who co-sleep.

I bed shared with both of mine. Don't regret it for a minute. When transitioning I would feed them to sleep in their own bed and then leave. But that was when they were much bigger, I don't really recall when. There was still definitely bed sharing with eldest when youngest was a baby and there's 3 years between them.
Do what works for you and the baby. I had friends with very strict routines down to the minute, a heavy focus on own bed and going to sleep by themselves. But that suited their way of doing things. And their priorities. There's not one perfect thing that works for all just like everything else. Ignore the judging - if judging is their thing likely do it whatever you did

If you are after positivity/affirmation of your choice, there is a brilliant little book called Three In A Bed. I loved it.

Also, if you want a counter to the social media stuff, follow some informed people like Lyndsey Hookway is brilliant on sleep. Evidence based with none of the guilt trips about "everything you're doing wrong now buy my £200 sleep plan to learn how to fix it".

Sweet Sleep by La Leche League is marvellously validating and well worth a read or listen on Audible. As is the Gentle Sleep Book which is totally pro cosleeping, feeding to sleep etc and advocates no sleep training. Both books do have some very gentle suggestions for nudging sleep in the right direction though which I found useful.

@Lifeisnteasy

Can you explain a bit more about your situation OP? Otherwise people won’t really know what to post that is useful/relevant.

But to answer your question, no, I have never co-slept, not once. The newborn days were absolutely brutal but my personal view is if you can push through them without bringing the baby into the bed, then past the age of around 3 months, sleep is much better & easier for everyone. Anecdotally if you bring them into the bed it might help for a few weeks or months but creates a more wakeful child longer term.

I personally agree with this. Of course everyone does what suits them at the time but DD is 8 months and I've probably co slept less than 10 times with her (I do co sleep when we stay over at my mum's house though). But DD was in a moses basket and then put in her cot once she grew out of it.

I'm currently pregnant and will be doing the same with my second. Co sleeping personally wasn't for me because I loved my space but always thought I might squash DD! Sending you positive vibes as I can see you've got some helpful suggestions so far!

DS is 12 months and co sleeps with us - although I do spend part of the night in a different bed and he sleeps with DH.

He probably does a minimum of 4 hours, maximum of 7 in his cot. We take him out if he wakes between 11-2am & put him in our bed, normally because we are too tired to settle him in the cot.

Over the next few months, we intend to move him into his own room, but will have to put some work into getting longer stretches in the cot. I think if we can settle him & he sleeps till at least 3am regularly, then that will make things easier for us.

He’s still breastfeeding at night, once or twice. I tend to send DH in to settle him first and if he’s still crying after 10-15 mins, I give him a feed.

I have on and off for periods over the past 4 years. You've got to do what you've got to do and no judgement here

@WalkingOnSonshine

That's one of the many reasons why we started - too tired to settle in the cot. I didn't know where to start because shushing and patting didn't work and he's too heavy for me to stand and rock. Feeding back to sleep in our bed seemed to maximise everyone's sleep at that time and it's obviously bliss cuddling up next to your baby. Months have passed by and we haven't changed anything but sleep is getting worse. Good luck with the move into his own room!

Thanks for sharing your opinion and positive vibes! The fear of squishing is definitely no joke. Although I sleep with my baby, I feel like it's not a deep deep sleep. It's like I'm constantly half awake or in a weird super sensitive sleep state. Best of luck with baby number 2!

@ChrissyxJingle

Thanks for sharing your opinion and positive vibes! The fear of squishing is definitely no joke. Although I sleep with my baby, I feel like it's not a deep deep sleep. It's like I'm constantly half awake or in a weird super sensitive sleep state. Best of luck with baby number 2!

@galaxybaby