Really upset and fed up … what have I done wrong?

[Woodpigeonsnest]

DS (12 months) is waking up constantly at night. He is in bed with me and I think this may be part of the problem but he refuses to sleep in his own bed.

I’m also worried it isn’t safe as he fell out of bed last night.

I’m exhausted. I don’t get any quality sleep at all as I’m just constantly woken up. I want to think about ttc again but we can’t even think about another baby until DS sleeps a bit better.

I’ve looked into sleep training and tried some of the techniques but nothing seems to work. Stroking his back and reassuring him doesn’t work - just upsets him. Pick up put down - he’s fine when picked up then cries when put down.

I don’t understand it as he naps fine in his cot.

Every night he goes into his cot but then wakes without fail at around 11. He then wakes up again at around 1, then 2, then 3 … I usually have to get Dh to take him at 3/4. Then he wakes between 7 and 8.

I’ve no idea what causes the waking ups. He doesn’t want anything.

Can anyone help? It’s really getting me down

I’m sure my thoughts would be old school now but my advice would be you need to get tough. When he cries sooth him and then leave him to cry 30 seconds at a time and increase it gradually.

I don’t think it’s that you’ve done anything wrong as such. He’s just got used to you picking him up and taking him into your bed when he wakes. You just need to gradually break that habit and he needs to learn to go back to sleep himself.

It’s not easy but definitely worth it. Good luck.

Is he in his own room in the cot?

Thanks, @EmmaWoodhousestreehouse - I think we are going to have to try that over Christmas dreading it.

He’s in his own room, yes.

@EmmaWoodhousestreehouse

I’m sure my thoughts would be old school now but my advice would be you need to get tough. When he cries sooth him and then leave him to cry 30 seconds at a time and increase it gradually.

I don’t think it’s that you’ve done anything wrong as such. He’s just got used to you picking him up and taking him into your bed when he wakes. You just need to gradually break that habit and he needs to learn to go back to sleep himself.

It’s not easy but definitely worth it. Good luck.

Completely agree. Some friends saying it’s cruel are the same ones sitting for half an hour a night with their six year old and that’s not manageable, well it wouldn’t be for me with another child and work to do most nights. I don’t think helping them learn to sleep is cruel.

I had this with my DC but what made me shift my thinking was my mum saying that your baby needs undisturbed sleep too, to grow and develop properly, it completely changed how I looked at it from me being selfish to doing what is right for your baby. I used this method, it was hard but worked in 4 days. www.supernanny.co.uk/AMP/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Routine-and-Teamwork/Controlled-Crying.aspx

With Pick Up Put Down you may have to do it for hours. His whole life he's been in bed with you overnight and now he isn't that's quite a big shift.

What is your nap time and evening routine?

Sleeping with me is relatively recent. He slept in a next to me crib for the first six months. The problems really started when he went in his own room. But then he briefly slept through in October - I was so pleased, but since then he’s been terrible!

He usually only naps once a day for around two hours.

Put him on a mattress on the floor next to you.

I was asking what happens at nap and bedtime before he gets put in his cot? Does he have milk, cuddles to sleep???

When he goes down for his nap and then when he wakes up you appear and then he's with you. So he expects the same during the night.

He does yes but I can’t really ignore him when he wakes from his nap!

I will consider almost anything but not mattresses on the floor!

Well no but just trying to see it from his perspective.