Help! 4 month old won't settle or sleep without me & BF

[BowQuarterMum]

My 4 month old DS will not settle or go to sleep at night unless I am there to bf him. If DH feeds him by bottle and tries to settle him he will just keep crying and screaming until he makes himself sick and then he'll do it some more. Eventually after 3-4 hours he will go to sleep if we put him in his buggy and roll back and forth. It is torture for us to listen to and I really hate to put him through it. It also frustrates DH as he feel bad that he can't setlle DS.

Most of the time I will be home and quite happy to bf in evenings especially as I am back at work and it is my only opportunity to BF. Unfortunately come Janury I will be expected to travel 1-2 nights per week.

During the day he attends nursery, drinks formula and is able to nap if they rock him.

How can I get him to sleep at night without me? I really don't want to give up BF yet.

Help!

p.s. please ignore dodgy spelling!

at 4 months DD also suddenly took against daddy-bedtimes, screaming as you described. It seems to be fairly common. TBH we went with it after the third night of screaming and I did all the bedtimes for the last 6 weeks or so until last weekend when she suddenly decided daddy bedtimes are OK again. She had it in her head that daddy was for fun times only and mummy was for comfort (food and calm). What seemed to make the difference was him spending lots more time with her, especially alone, over the weekend. Is your DH off work over Christmas, because if so all I can suggest is he spends more time on his own with your DS during the day doing things like settling him down for his daytime naps so that DS starts to accept daddy in the comforting role as well. If your DH is anything like my DP they enjoy playing with their child so much, they sometimes need a gentle reminder near bedtime that it's time to start boring the baby rather than entertaining him.

Could your DH try your DS in a sling/wrap? The movement works well for some babies and being held close and tight means they're forced to relax and give in. A stretchy wrap like a moby would work well. Also, if you're not around, your DS will eventually take the hint (says me who's still having this problem at 10 months ) though it could be a tough process.

Can you tell your work to get stuffed re the travel?

In general, make sure your DS isn't overtired when your DH tries. Perhaps get your DH to wear something that smells of you (your bra ) to ease things.

My DD went through a nightmare sleep pattern at 4 months also. Looking back, I put it down to them starting to develop an understanding of control ie if I cry I get what I want. Although I know many Mumsnetters disagree, the controlled crying method worked for me. It's horrible but after a week of complete sleep deprivation and trying everything else it was the only thing that worked. After 2 nights everything was back to normal. I wasn't breastfeeding though so maybe this is an issue. Also, if your DS is used to being rocked to sleep in nursery, maybe this is developing a bad habit?

Put him in a sling and walk round with the lights dimmed humming / singing / whatever.