Feeling so defeated by 4mo naps

[JammyRedRooo]

Or lack of.

My 4 month old DD will only nap for longer than 30 mins if she is in the carrier outside or very very occasionally in her pram. She will catnap in her car seat or on me after being fed to sleep (10-20 mins max). Nowhere else.

I'm also on the sleep regression thread because her night sleep is very broken at the moment and I cant catch up during the day because I have to be constantly carrying her for her to sleep.

I feel so sad and defeated and like I'm being such a crap mum for both not being able to get her to go to sleep and for being so crabby because I'm so tired. I have friends whose babies struggled at night at this age, but they would all nap in their cots/baskets during the day so it didnt feel as relentless as it does for me now.

I've tried doing a mini version of our night time routine (lights out, white noise, feed to sleep, transfer into crib) but she wakes up immediately. I've tried a dummy (she spits it out), warming the cot, a ceiling projector thing, being very careful with wake windows, shhing, patting, you name it.

Today I got so frustrated after an hour of trying to get her to sleep in her crib that I had to leave her there for 10 minutes to go and have a massive cry. I don't even think cry it out will work for her (not that I want to try it, I felt awful afterwards) as she just got more upset and hysterical). Now I'm scared I've emotionally damaged her by leaving her for that time. Everyone seems to think its barmy that we are struggling so much at her age.

The last few days I feel like it's all just peaked and I've felt so miserable. We cant plan anything or have people over because we need to go out in her carrier every 2 hours. My back hurts. I just need a stretch of time for myself of I'm going to crack.

Please help

Take a deep breath. It is so so so hard when your baby struggles to nap. If you need to leave your baby to have a cry then do so. Don't try and comfort them when you are distressed, it won't help them sleep. One thing I found helped calmed me down a bit was having a drink of water.

Keep doing your routines. And don't compare your baby to others, they don't all sleep the same xx

1. You're not a crap mum. In fact you care so much about your baby that you walk them in a carrier for 2 hours every day.
2. This will pass. I also had a rubbish sleeper tried every trick I could, it had no effect other than making me feel like a failure. He grew out of it.
3. Plan for survival - is there someone who could watch baby so you could nap occasionally? What happens if he doesn't nap? Can he get enough daytime sleep by putting him down to sleep more often if his naps are super short? Could you cosleep?
4. It is absolutely fine to go and have a cry for 10minutes. You will not have done any emotional damage. Babies are much safer alone in their cot for 10 minutes than in the arms of a frustrated& upset parent.

Your the best mum I promise. You care, feed and do everything for your lo.
You walked out and left your lo, that's perfectly fine to do. I have and still have done it occasionally as we all have our limits. I'm still my lo favourite person.
Every lo goes through phases and I promise it does get better. Then it will go up the creek then settle.

Could you nexflix and chill in the carrier or hold lo?

Your not barmy. I have had many arguments with my parents and inlaws about how my lo has to go sleep and her napping on me and me being home for naps.

Have you tried white noise? We use pink noise on alexa. Best invention ever in my eyes x x

Sending love and a huge hug, I remember all these feelings so well. You're doing your best with a hard situation but it is a phase and you will come through it. It won't last for ever, it does get easier, please be kind to yourself in the meantime x

DD1 was the worst napper in the history of the world. I mean, she wasn’t a great night sleeper but the shittiness of her napping well and truly eclipsed nighttime issues. During her one day a week at nursery they had to have someone with her during all nap times to stop her waking everyone else up once she’d had her half an hour.

The bad news: She never ever napped for more than 28 minutes, and only rocked to sleep in her buggy, covered with a Snoozeshade and with loud white noise. She often loudly protested about naptime, which was delightful when everyone would say maybe she’s not tired when it was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE issue.

The good news: She started dropping her nap at 18 months, and the whole thing just ceased to be an issue. She started sleeping through at 11 months, but dropping the nap eliminated early wakes and made her a solid 12 hours girl.

So basically if you have one of these babies it’s utter crap, but it will eventually just become a memory. However, a lot of DD1’s peers did short catnaps at this stage and improved a lot by about 8/10 months, so there is hope.

Can you transfer from carrier after a walk? I used to transfer DS to the pram inside, rock him back to sleep and have a rest. I then transitioned to just rocking him to sleep in the pram inside.

I feel like you're me. I've spent the day obsessing over them to the point my husband thinks I'm going mad.

I don't know what the answer is but do let me know if you find out because it's driving me INSANE.

But also, it's definitely a phase and it will pass. I think they naturally elongate their naps between 6-8 months.