20 weeks - feel like I'm doing everything wrong

[Heepers]

And it isn't even my first baby. I really thought I'd be more chilled this time but he's waking every 2 hours and will not go down without a dummy or nap more than 45 mins in the day. No nap routine to speak of because his naps are so crappy so they're frequent. I've tried to stretch him in the night but he just won't settle without a feed. Add to the mix his sister is waking between 1 -3 as well and I'm just so tired.

What's normal for a 20 week old? What am I doing wrong?

Right with you. Also have a 20 week old and it’s my second too! We’re getting hourly wake ups all night and have been for 5 weeks. You’re not doing anything wrong, babies are just unreasonable and don’t realise how bloody brilliant sleep is!!
Do you have any help with baby or older one so you can at least rest for half an hour?

Ah it's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm very lucky and do have help but in the night they both want me. I actually had my booster yesterday and feel like death so I think that I felt particularly defeated when I posted.

I also have a stupid book that says that by now the baby should be sleeping 8 hours straight with 3 regular naps. FUCK OFF.

Seems like classic four month sleep regression territory, it’s absolutely awful and was the worst part of having a baby for me. I distinctly remember sitting on the kitchen floor crying and regretting ever having a baby because clearly it wasn’t for me. It sounds like you fully realise that it will pass but my god is it shit in the meantime. You can do this 👊🏻

Were 14 weeks here and the last few days has been the same. Waking up refusing to go back to sleep, napped for 30 mins. Now I’m trapped sitting on the bed with a hairdryer on whilst he naps again.
I have cried today and feel like I’ve made a big mistake having a second baby. I cannot remember it being this hard with the first. I’m just hoping it passes soon

It's so weirdly reassuring hearing other people are in this position. It is so, so intense. I must have blocked it out the first time I think!

I thought I was too late for the 4 month sleep regression at 20 weeks but I guess it's just a continuous curve of development

I’ve come to the realisation that I actually don’t like the baby stage. It took having a second to confirm it. There I said it…I don’t like the baby stage! I’m sure some judgmental people on here will think I’m awful for admitting it and some dreadful people will probably be along to say “ohhh this is the easy bit. Wait until they’re at school and can answer back”. Yeah, I can handle that with a bit of sleep.

Do any of you have a nap schedule? I literally cannot seem to get him into one at all. I think with my first we were closer to 3 a day but his are just crazy at the mo.

At around five months I downloaded the little ones sleep programme in the middle of the night in desperation and started using their schedule as a rough guide, it took a while to really get DS on board and I held him for most of his naps to get them to actually happen but I did see some improvements quite quickly in terms of him being easier to settle to sleep (as I was trying at the right times) and generally more pleasant to be around between naps as well. It gave me something to aim for and a back up plan, so if he did wake up after 11 minutes I had something that told me what plan B could be. I just needed that direction as I was way too knackered to figure anything out.

This may provide some light relief: www.emilywrites.co.nz/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep/

Both of mine did/do only do half hour naps so had more frequent ones - for example, DD2 19wo usually wakes at 6ish, then naps around 7.30, 10, 12.30 and 3. Half an hour each time and only because I force them by rocking her in the buggy with loud white noise. Goes to bed at 6pm (because her sister wakes up at 6am so the poor girl needs her rest), and until recently had been awake every 40 minutes all sodding night long. She’s just done two nights of only three wakes, but I’m certainly not counting my chickens yet.

So basically I’m posting this out of solidarity - eldest did half hour naps until she was 18 months and started dropping the nap entirely. Only slept through the night when she started walking at 11 months. So she’s never done anything like the books say, and neither does DD2 it seems.

Caffeine helps. As does cake.

23 weeks/5 month old DD here and in exactly the same boat. Try as I might I can’t get her to sleep for more than 30 mins and she wakes frequently at night if a boob isn’t in her mouth 🥴

19 week old DD has a nap roughly 2-2.5 hours after waking up for the day and apart from that her "schedule" is non-existent. She occasionally naps for over 45 minutes but 30 is more normal and only on me or when moving in the car/pram. Nighttime sleep is the killer though, waking at least every 2 hours to BF. She's my first and up until a few weeks ago I was already looking forward to having another baby, the more she carries on like this the more that seems like a bad idea!

@EdithGrantham I felt the same at this stage after I had my son, was adamant we were one and done. Here I am again though with my 4.5 month old except this time I know we really are DONE!
My son started consistently sleeping through at 11 months and since then I realised how much I value sleep so I’m just trying to get through this slog until baby is capable of sleeping longer. Sending solidarity

@hidetheicicles I have bookmarked that page to re-read, haven't laughed so hard in ages (although couldn't laugh too hard because DD is contact napping, terrible mother I know!)

@LCF2021 I find myself getting envious of people who say their baby sleeps for 3 hour chunks lol. Through the night is the absolute dream, did your son slowly sleep longer stretches or was it a sudden thing?

@EdithGrantham It was definitely gradual. Once he turned 6 months we did some sleep training which was hard and took longer than expected with bedtimes being very tearful but after a couple of weeks he began waking only once for a feed. This continued (except if he was poorly or teething) until he had a bit of a blip for a couple of weeks at around 8/9 months (which I think was because I was too scared to drop the 3rd nap!) but after that he’d sleep through once every few weeks and more reliably from 11 months.

@edithgrantham this is exactly our schedule. I've just mapped out an ideal day and we are laughably far away from anything resembling a routine.

Tonight I am going to try and stretch 4 hours between feeds at night by sending my husband in to settle him.