12 months can’t cope any longer

[MichaelBooblay]

My baby has just turned one. He does not sleep. He never has.
DH and I split the nights (I did first 6 months due to BF). Baby is tired by 7pm. I feed him, DH puts him to sleep. After 10 minutes in cot he wakes up. We just cannot put him down. He wakes every time. Tried warming the cot, putting him down awake, everything.

He cannot settle in bed with me either. In the last 4 hours he hadn’t had a wink. He has whinged, wriggled, screamed, fed fed fed. But no sleep.

He does not have reflux or allergies, is developing well, and during the day is a lovely cheerful little boy. He naps well, but only out in buggy or being held.

His older sister was a crap sleeper but this is next level. We just can’t cope anymore. Life is miserable. We dread night time and seem to be in a permanent state of fury.

I am starting a new job today. I have not had a single seconds sleep. I am due to meet a friend afterwards who I have not seen for ages, but will have to cancel as I am a mess.

I want to stop BFing but during DH shift in the night he has to bring me DS to be fed as he is inconsolable. Then when he is with me he just feeds and fusses nonstop.

I have resisted sleep training partly because I don’t think it is good for babies, and partly because I think it just won’t work. Love ds so much but just need some bloody sleep.

Sorry for the long ramble. Help.

It is so hard. If you can afford it, I would seriously look at consulting with @careitoutsleepconsultant Kerry Secker. She doesn't ever suggest crying methods. You can do a phone consultation with her for a plan which isn't too expensive. She also does online courses that help. I love her approach.

www.careitout.com/

I used Goodnight Guidance (she has a Facebook page) and she helped get my 14mth old sleeping through the night within a week. All consultations were done remotely. I put off doing it for ages because I didn't believe it could work either. He's now 3 and goes to bed 6.30/7pm and doesn't get up until 10am!

I also know 2 other families personally who used her and it also worked with their children.

There's a misconception that sleep training means leaving them to cry.

My first was a dreadful sleeper mainly due to allergies and constant waking was the main symptom. He was fine in the day! So it might be worth trying no dairy egg or soya for a fortnight.
Is he warm enough? Instead of cosleeping can you get him to sleep in bed and then roll away from him and leave him sleeping in a double bed? Does he eat enough during the day so he not hungry at night. Ideally they want three meals and two snacks, no constant grazing. Make sure he has calorie dense foods if he only eats small amounts
Can you gradually move his bedtime later so he sleeps a more in the early hours?

My baby DS was like this (also after a first baby girl who had seemed a poor sleeper but by comparison was alright). My DS did have dreadful reflux as a baby so settling on his back was very uncomfortable and it set us on a course for co-sleeping. And I ended up breastfeeding longer than I intended because I needed to "shut the baby up" during the lockdown period when DH was working from home and older DD was homeschooling, and DH basically begged me to carry on BF (he wasnt around when I weaned DD off the boob, as he was at the office in the daytime preloved).

Have you ruled out discomfort (itchy labels in pyjamas, too cold in the cot, too hot in bed with you)?

In my case, because I wasnt working, I continued doing what you are doing now. It was very peaceful for DS (and DH as I did every night all alone), ruinously exhausting for me. But with my DD I did do some gentle sleep training - yes, there were tears and stress for a little bit, but ultimately if you are desperate, it will solve your problem. Promise.

In any case i would honestly think about withdrawing the BF completely, and switch your baby to a cup of bedtime milk with story time, bath and brush teeth, cosy cuddles and then into bed. Don't expect him to last all night at first but don't give him milk when he wakes up, offer a bit of water. He will hate it, and complain loudly, but once they arent waking for the comfort of a snuggle and a feed, there's half your battle solved

If you're back to working, I assume your baby is on another source of milk in the daytime anyway? So you must be part-qay there. And from this age, you want calories to come from food primarily.

Thanks everyone.

He eats very well - three meals and snacks - and will take formula during the day if I’m not there.

If I roll away from him and leave him in bed he is awake within minutes. Temperature etc seems fine and he is always comfy.

I’ll have a look at the suggested sleep methods. I do think it is time to try something completely different.

Off to work 😴
Thanks again

When you find a solution let me know :( the only consolation I have is that by co-sleeping SOMETIMES I can get a decent stretch of sleep. But she absolutely will not sleep in her cot & at night can take 1-2 hours to fall asleep and must be touching me :)

If I move away her eyes ping open.