3 week old doesn't sleep

[UKmumtobe]

Just that really...

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. He just won't settle in his Moses or crib for naps during the day and the only time he will sleep is in a carrier or maybe after a feed in my arms (and won't be put down, he wakes immediately).

At night time he cries and is unsettled 6:30 until sometimes midnight. I try swaddle, dark room, white noise, dummy - I shush, I rock, I walk up and down, I breast feed... Nothing works. I spend all evening alone in the dark bedroom. He sleeps once he's exhausted himself from crying for up to 5 hours. Then wakes every 2-3 hours anyway.

I don't catch a break as I have a toddler to look after too. I'm barely resting or sleeping.

Someone told me a baby would sleep if it was warm, full and comfortable. Clearly I'm doing something wrong?

Just feels never ending.

Any tips? Should I be doing a routine? Please help!

Both mine used to cluster feed from about 6 to 10 in the evening at that age. No point in putting them down before then. Rest of the time it was a feed every 2-3 hours so sounds fairly normal at that age. One would nap in the Moses, the other had to be held.

You're not doing anything wrong at all. I don't know a single person who was able to put a three week old down for naps or at night. DS just slept on us 99% of the time and we'd sometimes try to roll him into the Moses basket if he seemed in a deep enough sleep and we needed the loo. It gets better but the first few weeks are brutal. I wouldn't even be attempting a night time routine at this point, just let your baby doze on you while you sit and read/watch TV/eat dinner etc.

The only thing you're doing wrong is having expectations.

Baby is 3 weeks, far too early for any kind of routine. Right now, baby wants you x

3 weeks! Bless mine didn't sleep for 6 months. Not to worry you, but take a deep breath and read up on the 5th trimester. We tried everything and in the end Co slept until DS was ready to sleep in his own besides me cot. He needed to have skin to skin contact for a good 6 months

My DC2 would only sleep on me in sling or lying on my chest at night for first month or so

That someone told you a load of nonsense.

You’re not doing anything wrong. Some babies sleep very badly.

I do think you’re in a hiding to nothing trying to get him to sleep at 6.30 he’ll be just gearing up for cluster feeding at that time of the evening. Mostly we just pass DS between us and the Moses basket downstairs and then take him up when we go to bed about 10/11. He’ll then camp out on me and feed while I watch something with headphones in. I’m sure I’m not actually going to die of sleep deprivation but it does sometimes feel that way… remember, this too shall pass!

I’m guessing your older one wasn’t like this? A lot of them are though and it’s nothing you’re doing. I wouldn’t bother taking them to bed until you go yourself at 10/11/12. Or better still, if you have a partner / other adult, park baby on them til midnight while you go to bed at 9.

This is really normal for a lot of newborns and you haven’t done anything wrong…I’m assuming your elder DC was a lot more settled for you to question this.

My DS was identical. Would only sleep for short periods in the sling or in my arms and would have horrible witching hour(s) every night. It’s so horrible to go through but it will pass.

My 3 week old is the same. It’s normal! No point in trying to get them to sleep early evening. Best thing we’ve found if for one of us to stay up with him til 1am whilst the other gets some sleep.

He’ll then sleep (in the carrycot) but wake every 3 ish hours to feed and can take 1-1.5 hrs to resettle thereafter - but we’re all able to be upstairs in bed at that point which mentally helps!

First baby here and it’s as tough as everyone told me but feel like at least I’m finally starting to get a handle on it!

My 7 month old still wakes every 2-3 hours g night. In fact 3 hours is pretty good for her, at one stage it was every 45 mins 😭
Like others said the only thing you’re doing wrong is bothering to try and put baby down each evening. Pointless and stressful. Just wear him in the sling or hold him or whatever he’ll do to sleep, or even if he’s not asleep just feed him and veg out in front of the telly.

I spend all evening alone in the dark bedroom

You need to stop doing this for a start. That is not going to help your health at all. Tiny babies can be kept up with you. They don't know the difference between night and day. Please don't lock yourself away in a dark room. Go watch telly and hold the baby. Keep it in the carrier. As for the being upset at night, no one really knows what causes this but lactose free milk helped mine a lot, but mine were bottle fed. Some babies are just like this.

You sound amazing, trying all sorts with him. He's so tiny though, try just keeping him close and getting on with your day/ evening for a while. Xxx

Thanks everyone for your kind messages

I did actually have a similar experience with first baby but I don't remember how we handled it... All I know is sleep became a big problem for us in the end... She wouldn't nap, woke up every 2 hours in the night until she was 10 months old... It was brutal and miserable. I don't want to go down that slippery slope again!

I do keep baby downstairs with us but I find the lights and the TV on stressful when he's screaming on and off... I end up escaping upstairs in dark room for my own sanity sometimes in hope it might calm him (it doesn't really)

Does anyone remember how long this can go on for?!

Trying to do bedtime for toddler with baby in tow is awful as he's always awake crying at that time! How do some mum's make it look so easy?!

The mums who make it look easy have easier babies.

No one can tell you how long it will go on for. It may well be 10 months. It could be shorter, it could be longer.

Why are you trying to do bedtime with baby in tow, though? Surely you alternate toddler bedtime with your DH/partner and the other party looks after the baby (unless he’s not home at that time, I suppose?).

I think it’s important to accept that it will be rough and just let yourself do whatever makes things easier for yourself. Cut yourself a lot of slack, get sleep wherever you can, take turns dealing with toddler/baby so that both of you have at least a little time and space away.

Might be worth checking for silent reflux.

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule my husband doesn't work from home so I am a SAHM 7am-8pm 5 days a week! Sadly I have to juggle wake up and bed time and everything in between on my own. It's proving v v v hard!

@ISeeTheLight I'll give it a Google, thanks

Hi hun have a read of the 4th trimester xx