Please - help me get my 17 mo to sleep!

[tryingtoleave]

Ds has been cosleeping since 9months. I have been bfing to sleep for his midday nap and bedtime. He always fell asleep really easily that way, in about 15 minutes. But a month ago he stopped falling asleep on the breast in the evening. Or he would fall asleep but then wake up after a few minutes, refreshed and ready to party for hours. So I gave up on bfing to sleep at night. Dh tried to put ds to sleep, which he can do, but it takes over an hour. THe best I can do is 45 minutes, but tonight it took an hour and a half. And that's lying in the dark with ds while he chats to himself, tries to jump around and headbutt us. It drives me crazy. Because this means he's going to bed very late (9-10), he's sleeping in in the morning and it's harder to get him to bed the next night. I've started waking him up at 8, but then he's shattered all morning and I still can't get him to bed any earlier. He still does a long morning nap (around 12-3). So I'm wondering if maybe the nap is the problem? How many hours total sleep do 17mos usually do? If he's up by 3, surely he should be ready to go to bed at 8-8.30 - which would be ideal?

Sorry for being so long, but I wanted to put down all the details in case anyone could help me. Does anyone have any suggestions? I really don't want to put him back in his cot or do cc - I know from experience I probably couldn't see it through anyway.

Three hours is quite a long time. Why don't you try and limit the amount of naps in the day? My dd is 10 months and she has 45mins in the morning and 2 hours after lunch. She wakes from this at 2pm and is very ready for bed at 7pm! My nephew is 17 months too. He has one nap after lunch of one and a half/two hours.

My lo is 17 months and has no morning sleep, a long sleep of one and a half to two hours from about 12.30/1pm after he's had his lunch and then goes down at 7pm. He'll wake anytime from 6.15am onwards although we usually leave him to grumble (otherwise he's on the move like a mad man) - and chat until 7am.....

I don't know what to suggest other than the amount of daytime sleep could be the problem - my lo loves his sleep but too much and we get problems. We've never co-slept so I can't advise on that - and I've always just left him to grumble a bit in bed and let him go off alone - he's never been great at getting himself off to sleep if anyone is around - just needs thumb and a muzzy but I think the question you're asking is about the amount of day time sleep rather than methods of getting them off ? Maybe another co-sleeper could help on this issue if you wanted answers to that?

Thanks for the suggestions!

I'm not sure what I'm asking about herbgarden! There are too many variables to consider. I'm nervous about cutting down his nap in case the problem is settling him. Then I'm afraid he still won't go to sleep at night and will stop napping as well. I know three hours is a long time but I love it! I think of it as my sanity time and I need it to get some work done too. But I did wake him up at 2 today and I got him to sleep much faster tonight (15 minutes bfing then 20 minutes lying next to him). It was still very late (9.15) by the time he went to sleep but we did start later then usual because we were slow with the whole evening routine. I'll try again starting to settle him at 8 tomorrow and see if it takes the same amount of time. I could live with that sort of routine, especially since I read during the bfing part. It's lying in the dark for over an hour that I find so stressful.

IME (2ds - 4yrs & 6 weeks) daytime sleeps do impact on the night. I know it's hard to give up 3 hours of peace during the day but if you could cut the nap down you'll be more confident that your ds is ready to sleep at bedtime. With my ds1 I remember waking him from his afternoon nap at 1.30/2pm and his bedtime was a non negotiable 7.30pm. I used the baby whisperers pick up/put down method to get him off at night, worked a treat within 4/5 days. It gave me confidence to have concrete advice to follow. If you're co-sleeping it could be quite hard to establish a strictish routine because your son will know the bed as 'family' sleeping space as opposed to his 'me' sleeping space so he might be waiting for you to come to bed hence you have to lie in the dark for an hour!

Oddly, my DS (2.4) sleeps better with more daytime sleep. Sorry - that'll confuse you!

will he be left alone for the 'settling' time at all? DS actually chatters an plays away for a good hour after he's gone to bed - changing bedtime makes no difference to this, it seems he just has to do it to settle.

DS went into a toddler bed at about 20 months and that helped us a lot. Then we just childproofed his room, gave him a couple of toys and he was happy to play with a nightlight on until he climbed into bed and went to sleep.

Also, talk to him as he'll understand more than you think. Tell him he's a really big boy, and that he's to go to sleep without you there. Give him a cuddly toy or book and tell him you're listening on the monitor. If he protests, ask him if he'd like the door left open. Might not work, but it helped us with DS to just treat him like an adult and it's maybe worth a shot

I think about 13-15 hours sleep is normal

Sorry - just read you're cosleeping so the big bed thing isn't likely to work...or then again it might?

hi i found if my ds sleeps after two pm he wont settle at night. It also depends what mood he is in. If he does not have sleep at all will sleep quickly. But that is no good either , he also co sleepin since he born. Poor hubby relegated to spare room for nearly two years not good for our relationship but my theory is that soon he not gonna need me as much so i am taking as much love and cuddles as i can now

Maybe it is time for a change in bedtime routine all together? DS1 went from being bf to sleep in the evenings after his bath, to having a story read to him whilst he drank some warmed milk from a sippy cup.

Get him up at the same time every morning. Cut down the nap. Some kids don't need the vast swathes of sleep that others do.

I am already having to wake dd2 up at 16 months due to the leaping about at bedtime.

I have learned from dd1 that it is worth compromising on the daytime peace for the faster/earlier bedtimes.

Means less lying about boiling with resentment . I have been there many a time.

Oh what a great way af putting it - Boiling with resentment! That is how I felt for so long! DP could not understand it, he just thought I was enjoying cuddling her!

The sheer frustration of sitting/lying there, BFing or singing the same nursery rhyme! unable to even breathe loudly is dreadful!

Sorry no real advice as DD is much younger and does not co-sleep but I do sympathise.

Thanks for all your help. I'm sorry I haven't replied - I haven't had much time as have been cutting down the nap and still been up for hours settling at night. But I finally had success tonight! Woke ds up from nap at 1.30 and bf him to sleep at 8.30. I hope it worked because I got the timing right and not that he's just exhausted from going to bed so late for the last two nights.

Oh damn - it's stopped working . We had two successful nights of waking ds from nap at 1.30 and having him asleep by 8.30 and then he seemed to adjust and the last two nights have taken forever again. Dh is still trying to settle him at now at 9.30! I think I'm going to stop cutting his nap if it doesn't make any difference to his bedtime. I can't cut it any more can I? Surely a 17 mo shouldn't go for longer than 7 hours without sleeping? What do you think? And if I do he might just adjust again. If I look back the last two months have just been a series of attempts to change his bedtime which have only worked for shorter and shorter periods of time. I might try suzi's approach for getting him to settle without me.