Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse....

[mmelody]

My four and a half month old DS has always been a terrible sleeper. Usually waking every 2.5-3 hours at night and rarely more than 45min naps during the day. He is exclusively BF and up until fairly recently I would have to feed him to sleep for all naps during the day . We have been trying to get him to self settle during the day by taking him out in his pram every hour and a half or so. It seems to be working most of of the time but he still tends to have no longer than 30-45mins at a time. He gets easily overstimulated and his tired cues are difficult to read. He will go from smiling lovely baby to screamy whingy one in seconds.

Night times are just hellish
He is ready for bed usually by 6pm and we have a routine of bath, cuddle, breastfeed and bed. He starts the night in his own cot in our room and I usually bring him into bed with me at the first wake up (normally around 9-10pm). Sometimes I put him back in his cot.

The past week has been just awful. He has woken 1.5-2 hourly from midnight onwards and has a period of wakefulness every night of around an hour and a half when he just babbles and moans. I feed him whenever he wakes (should I?). Just to add a new little torture, he has been ready to start the day at 4.45-5.15ish when previously it was around 6ish.He is currently having his first nap of the day

I am seriously knackered. My DP sleeps in the spare room just so that one of us is able to function the next day. I am fairly lucky in that he is a student and works from home a lot so is able to help out during the day. DS is a full on demanding little boy and likes to be in the action. He will play for a bit on his own.. but only 5-10mins before he shouts. We use the sling but he gets frustrated when he can't touch things. He feeds frequently during the day, certainly at least every two hours.

I know there are no magic solutions (please tell me there are!!!) but I would be happy if DS would do the occasional 4 hour stint at night or have a longer daytime sleep. I don't seem to have time to do anything other than care for him, with the odd tiny bit of housework thrown in. I feel worn out and very daunted by the thought of returning to work in 12 weeks To be honest I don't think I will be able to cope with so little sleep and work, albeit part time.

I express and we religiously give DS a bottle of ebm every day and every day he refuses!

I need a haircut and I want to stay up later than 9pm occasionally. Oh and I have Xmas to look forward to with the inlaws coming for the day and mil leaves the room with embarrassment every time I feed DS. OH Joy!!

Rant over.. I feel a bit better already!

Oh you poor thing. Am hoping a sleep expert will come and help you soon! DS used to have v short naps - so I turned him on his tummy and he slept for hours... I guess anything's worth a try?

Thanks Tinsel, have tried him on his tummy. He does settle quicker but still wakes up. Oh and he is 5 months not 4.5... gosh where did those two weeks go????

Don't know if I'm going to get into trouble for this
Have you tried letting him sleep in his car seat for one nap during the day? We've had to do this with DS recently and he naps better than ever.

Hi Elf, he just cries when I put him in his car seat. He will sleep on me no problem at all. I would just like to spend an afternoon not pinned to the sofa which is why we are doing the out in pram thing. Thanks for the suggestions.

can you shift his bedtime back to seven and that would give you a 3-4 hour stretch to 10-11 - at least you would get a bit of a later evening?

Have you read the baby whisperer? iirc she has sleep solutions, PUPD etc, without doing cc. Or have you rtied all those?

Hi Northern, We thought about making his bedtime later but he is SO difficult for the latter part of the day, he is literally falling asleep sat up by 5.30pm. We have managed to get him to go to 6.30pm but it feels cruel as he is so miserable.

Elf, someone has given me a copy of baby whisperer and I am trying to read it. The PUPD sometimes works but only for start of the sleep. He becomes inconsolable if we try it when he wakes from nap. I did manage to settle him off to sleep a couple of times last night though so maybe worth persevering. We have also started giving him teddy and muslin at sleep times to start sleep association.

mmelody, our babies are from a similar mould - your DS's sleep pattern is very like my DS (except the idea that mine would be falling asleep by 6pm is a distant dream - he goes from awake to shrieking with tiredness and refusing to sleep within seconds unless I am poised to rock or feed him [heavy sigh]).

However. I too have the 45 minute naps (mine's just waking from his first nap right now!), the frequent night wakings, the frustration and claustrophobia. But I'll tell you what we do to get by in case some of it helps - we have seen a few 4 hour stints recently. Bear in mind at the moment I can't get DS into his cot at all so all his sleeping at night is in our bed.

In the morning I don't even get up until he's gone back to sleep for his first nap. He wakes between 5 and 7 and I feed him back to sleep around half 7-8. Then I get up (or stay in bed for extra sleep myself if it's been a bad night).

During the day he naps on me - I find him harder to get to sleep and less likely to sleep for longer if he's overtired so I resigned myself to letting him do this - it also means I can rock him as the 45 minute mark approaches and he sometimes goes back to sleep in the morning nap. This means around 2 hours of being pinned down but it's definitely allowed him to catch up on lost sleep. Afternoons usually include 3 x 45 minute naps if I can manage - usually after he's been awake for an hour he's approaching tired again. I can't feed him to sleep in the day because he's too alert and distracted but rocking him works (always in the same chair in the same room if poss - Mumsnet time ).

Bedtimes involve a rocking/feeding combo but can take hours and he does need resettled several times in the evening. He sleeps in bed with me, I too feed him when he wakes, and I too HATE the randon hour-at-a-time of thrashing and moaning.

All I can say is A) I sympathise, it's truly miserable at times and B) Try the policy of getting as much sleep for him as possible by whatever means. It's a PITA but I have really seen an improvement in his sleep since I stopped fighting to get him to self-settle and go in the cot. Now he just nods off with gentle rocking much of the time, much easier on us all. It was recommended to me by a MNer and it has really made us all less tired and fractious. If your DP is home he'll at least see what's happening, my DP understands I have to just let him sleep on me but I do think he sometimes wonders exactly why I haven't managed to get the laundry/washing up/hoovering done!

My policy is that self-settling can wait - for now the path of least resistance is fine. As it is DS fell asleep with gentle patting last night (OK he woke after 5 mins but it's a start) - and that's without any training, just time and a calm atmosphere. Oh, and I've stopped looking at the clock for the night wakings, much less depressing!

I go back to work in 6 weeks or so, so I understand your concerns, (I posted about this jst recently) but I think with babies like these you just need to do what you have to do to get by. I don't know any adults who need fed to sleep ... ... trust time to take care of it for you. You'll find support for tired mums on the Sleep Is For The Weak thread - some hardcore sleepless types in there!

Will he sleep with you in bed. Perhaps if you took one or two naps with him in bed then he'd sleep longer and you can catch up to. Then when he is sleeping at round a bout the same time every day it'll be easier to get him to self settle. Also once his days are more routined then you'll probably find his nights will be better to.

If a baby gets lack of sleep then they find it hard to sleep but if they have regular sleeps during day they'll sleep more at night.

Mmelody, you have my every sympathy. DS was a lot like this at 4/5mo and I thought I was going slowly insane. It is a typically terrible time for sleep but it does get better... promise.

Re: the 45-min naps, ime the only thing that will fix it is time. I used to go by the clock and take him out in the pram exactly 90 mins after he woke, most of the time he would then sleep for 30 mins. Gradually transitioned to the bouncy chair then cot using a dummy instead of feeding to sleep. At around 6/7mo he suddenly started going for longer and can now nap for up to 90 mins (although he often still wakes after 30 mins and needs patting back to sleep!). There is no shame in lying down in bed with him or on the sofa, you both need the rest.

At night I would def. stick with the co-sleeping, at least you aren't having to get up to tend to him. This is typical growth spurt time so I would personally give him the extra milk and fingers crossed he will soon start doing longer stretches again. My DS's sleep got loads better around 8mo (before going tits up again due to illness, but that's another story).

Also it could be teething, have you tried giving Bonjela or teething powders?