The straw that broke the camels back....

[nosleepgang4life]

Having a very bad day today.

Ok here’s what’s going on….

Breastfed 10m/o never taken a bottle or dummy
Feeds generally every two hours on a good night and every 30-40 mins on a bad night
Cosleep cos I’m too exhausted to have it any other way
Terrible napper - 30-40 mins twice a day (longer if out in the car or buggy or if contact napping)

Last night I don't think I got more than two hours sleep.

I’m just beyond exhausted. I can’t think straight. I haven’t slept for longer than two hours in a row since he was born. I’m absolutely broken and it is impacting my health now mentally and physically. I feel like I don’t even know how to sleep any more I’m in a constant state of exhaustion anxiousness.

I’m not keen on any sleep training methods that include pupd or CIO. Id be interested in night weaning but feel like I’m too tired to deal with the inevitable hysterical-ness 😭

Any advice for me? I feel like we are in such a muddle. I go back to work in 3 months time….

Have I done it all wrong and ruined any chance of my child sleeping now?

Imo if you were as exhausted as my 9mo had me you would be willing to try some sort of sleep training - not a criticism but you WILL ime get to that point. .. We went from bf several times a night and me like a zombie to ds sleeping through in 3 nights. A happier baby emerged. And a happier household altogether..
And he wasn't just left to cry

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage thank you for your reply!

What did you do? Maybe I am reaching that stage now. I need to be a happier mummy for my son.

Will your DP be on board to help you night wean off you decide to go down that route?

What ever you do as his bedtime and nap routine then he's likely to want that during the night. The big one is do you feed him to sleep?

First night dh went in with a bottle.. Ds had 1 a day as I was at work.
Ds drank an ounce. So ruled out hunger... Ds settled in minutes-bit of a winge but not sobbing. . Not out of the cot just lay down and no talking.
Second night dh took a bottle of water. Ds had none and settled in minutes-less winge than 1st night.
Third night slept 7-7.a bloody miracle.
And he kept to it. Never faltered even teething.
Supper and bf. And in the cot.
As a toddler ds loved his bed!! Now 7 he is a total sloth!!

@RandomMess yes I feed to sleep every bloody time 😭

We did controlled crying. I know you said that’s not what you want, but I weaned DD off all night feeds and she was sleeping through the night by night 4. Gentle methods would have been as successful but taken weeks.

@RandomMess yes DH happy to do whatever bless him!

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. It does get better. Some babies just don’t sleep that well. I try to see night waking as extra cuddles 🥰. Co sleeping helps me. My daughter is 2 and has never slept through but it’s getting better now and she sleeps till about 4/5ish on a good night. You aren’t doing anything wrong you’re a great momma. Ps breastfed babies tend not to sleep as well but breast is best , you’re doing an amazing job 🥰🥰 also sleep training isn’t for everyone and doesn’t work with all babies, for lots it just causes distress x

Feeding to sleep is natural x

Also night waking lessens the risk of sids in the first year x

OP, this is Mumsnet and there are hundreds of threads on here about non-sleeping children going back years.

There is no solution to your problem other than some sort of gentle sleep training. If you can't bear to try the Ferber method then have a look at Elizabeth Pantley.

You don't have to go on like this. Really you don't. It is damaging your health and I would say the broken sleep is also damaging the health of your baby. If you teach him how to sleep for longer you will be doing him a great favour.

I think start with not feeding him to sleep during the day and at bed time. Crack that first.

Feed him then wake him up/not let him drift off in the first place.

My youngest daughter was like this until she was nearly 3. I was often physicals sick with exhaustion at work and the tiredness changed me long term. I phoned a sleep nurse who visited us and advised us to reintroduce 2 x 2hr naps in the day. I thought this was a bit extreme as she was in the pre school room at nursery. However the next day nursery put her in the baby room for a nap on gym mats with the babies. Within 2 days she was sleeping through. Honestly go back to basics, all is not lost, you will get through this, it will end my lovely. Try feeding breast milk in a bottle at 10pm feed. (Feed yourself first then try and squash the bottle in whilst feeding so it's not noticed. Baby will feed faster from a bottle. Naps and full belly are the answer. If they won't take a bottle from you, try someone else giving it to them, it might work. You've probably tried all this! My daughters are 14 and 11 now and we are all still alive. Jaded but alive.Good luck and honestly it will get better xxx

I switched mine onto the bottle by starting breastfeeding and then shoving a bottle in after a short while.

How is his eating and naps in the daytime? I would concentrate on getting into a good routine with plenty of milk & food during the day with a decent morning and afternoon nap (not fed to sleep!) then slowly night wean. He just needs to gently learn to fall asleep without being fed.

I was in a similar position and thought due to him breastfeeding it was normal. Spoke to the health visitor who said at this age they absolutely don't need to feed in the night. Tried it and like PP he was sleeping through in a few days. We had always put him down awake though from being quite small so unsure how much that helped. We would just go in stroke his head a little to sooth him and off he went. Very quickly stopped waking.

The sleep nurse was called tina Southwood. She has a company called baby works U.K. it was many years ago but she appears to still be working. She saved me and my family. Can't recommend enough.

Thanks everyone!

So after 10m of feeding to sleep I know no different and neither does he. He's going to be very upset by this change... any tips? Can I cuddle/rock or is that just replacing one thing for another?

The Sleepeasy Solution is (in my opinion) a good way to night wean/sleep train.

You know when they wake up they are not hungry, that was important to me as I couldn't stand the thought of my bottle refusing feed to sleeper waking up hungry and me ignoring him, but he was a very similar sleeper to yours.

Worked and was as gentle/firm as I was comfortable with.

I would unlatch him before he's asleep and take it from there. May take a few times before he's finished design and yet is still awake.

Then I would do PUPD rather than cuddle/rock. Key with PUPD is that you don't leave them to even get distressed and you cuddle them as long as they need to be calm and drowsy/relaxed.

I'm having a similar issue with my 7 month old. She is up every 2/3 hours and it's exhausting. I did pick up put down method to teach her to self settle at 6 months and it worked, she now puts herself to sleep every night beautifully but she still wakes every 2/3 hours for boob!! Last week I started to gradually try and drop feeds and send my OH in the room instead of me to get her back to sleep but unfortunately she is now poorly (again!) so I feel mean not feeding her when she wakes now incase she genuinely needs it to sooth her throat

I don't have any tips but I'm here for solidarity. I could have written this post. In fact I did, a very similar one. I'm in the same position with my 7 month old and have been for over a month now. For us a good night is her waking every hour. I flit between "I need to do something about it NOW" and "it's just a phase she's going through, things will be different soon, sleep isn't linear, she will learn to sleep when she's developmentally ready m, she's too young to might wean etc". I'm watching this with interest for any tips. Good luck with whatever you choose to try! I really hope you get a bit of rest (physically and mentally) very soon x