16w old advice needed re naps and sleep... please!

[NumptyMum]

DS is 16 weeks old and we are having problems with naps/sleep. Thing is, he DID have a routine he found himself (2 naps in morning and in eve a recognisable pattern of feeds so I knew when he was ready for sleep) which only gave problems with the afternoon nap. But about 3-4 wks ago that changed and now every day/eve is different even though I've tried to find new routine/pattern. REALLY struggling to get him to nap/sleep, mostly he only does it when bf or if in sling for walk, otherwise he cries loads. Am so frustrated, as I definitely saw him self-soothe to sleep previously, and don't know how to get that back - he now screams if not fed/walked to sleep. Also the cries I interpret for food are now sometimes used because he's tired and wants to feed to sleep which makes feeding more of a problem (he gets too full, sick etc... ).

Any suggestions? I've got Baby Whisperer but have no idea how to switch feeds from being before sleep (ie getting baby to sleep) to being after sleep (ie when baby wakes up). Am really depressed that we had a routine and lost it - can't get him back into it now (tried that already). And also find it hard to spot signs of tiredness as he's not happy being left on playmat like he once was, so am often entertaining him. So now I'm getting very tired too...

Sorry for long post! Any suggestions? Please??

'Routines' change over time with small babies from what I remember! It is a sign that your tiny baby is growing up a little and needs a bit more time awake. You've found a 'routine' that suits him before and you will find it again soon

If it helps at all, I think babies this age tend to have a sleep in the morning sometime of around 2-3 hours and then a shorter sleep later on of about 1.5 hours.

But each baby is individual and you'll soon rediscover what works for him, just give it a bit of time!

I Can symaphise completely. My DD is 16 weeks old and has always been poor at napping and cannot self settle - she is not great during the night either but is much better after starting a routine loosely based on Gina Ford.

What times does your baby feed? Are these structured, if so can you work sleeps around this? My DD (more or less)feeds - 7am, 11am, 2.30pm, 6pm, 10.30pm and whenever she wakes during the night. Her naps are roughly one in the morning for 35-40 minutes at about 9am and about 12.15 for 2 - 2.5 hours, then up for a bath at 5.30pm. I find the morning nap not much of a problem but the afternoon nap can be a struggle - if we are at home she seeps in her bouncy chair and I rock her to sleep (not ideal I know but it was the only way she would sleep). She always wakes after 40 mins of sleep but I make sure that I continue to rock her until she settles again for up to 2 hours - I do have to rock her now and then when she stirs - even though this is a bit of a pain, it is much easier than dealing with an overtired baby. These sleeps do mean that she is a contented baby in the day.

Also, I think some babies do just cry before settling themselves to sleep, my DD does -just try perservering with the cries until he goes to sleep - the crying should get less and less. Although I must say if my DD gets a bit out of her routine she is difficult to settle again the following day - it has just taken me 20 minutes to settle her now as we have been out and the routine is a bit out of sync...

I know every baby is different but it may be worth giving the above a go as I know how upsetting it is when your baby gets overtired.. Hope things improve for you..

Any tips on night time sleeping?!!!

Best thing to do is make a plan. First I spend a few days trying to get the feeding at regular times.

Then I tend to do this with charges when getting them into a routine. I make sure everyday starts the same so at 7am I'd wake and feed. About 1.5 - 2 hours later(depending on baby) put him to sleep(while resetting his routine use sling, boucy chair, pram, you holding him). My babies have usually slept for two hours, if they've waked before them I'll spend 15 minutes trying to resettle. Then I'll follow that for rest of the day. Usually another two hour nap in the afternoon(1-3pm) and a half hour one about 4.30pm. Feeds would be 7am,11am,3pm,6.30pm and 11pm.

If you are breast feeding you may want to bring the feeding routine back to every three hours.

Once his routine is pretty consistent you'll find that you will spend less and less getting him to sleep and he will start to fall asleep by self.

I like to have routine it's good for everyone, although do not want/need set schedule of the day.

Thanks for your tips. I know that one problem is that waking times have varied due to me being tired, and DS quite often also being tired and wanting to go to sleep again pretty soon after waking. I'm BF on demand, with prior routine this was about every 3 hours except for a cluster feed in the evening (which was what gave us a 5+ hour sleep into the night). However now that he is wanting to BF to sleep, cries can get confusing as sometimes I'm sure he is wanting comfort more than food. Am trying to monitor feeds more closely, but hard sometimes to remember times with brain this fuzzed (have bought notebook, mislaid it already...). Also he seems to have stopped the cluster feed. Today he got 1 hour at midday (woken due to HV phone call...) and about 40 mins in afernoon. Just got him peacefully to sleep at 7.30 when BIL called round and voices woke him up again [exasperated emoticon]. So now DH trying to settle him again. Have tried to put him to nap after 2 hour periods before, but he's having none of it...

I think the best thing is to make sure he has at least two hours(stretching to 3-4 hours) between feeds. As you say he seems to want comfort rather than food so if you can comfort him/rock him to sleep in pram etc rather than feeding you may find he settles down more.

I'm a maternity nurse and had a really rough time with current charge up until three months as he'd had and op and lost a lot of weight and needed to demand feed to catch up. He didn't go longer than two hours between feeds, which to Doctors orders had to be BF both sides 20 mins and then offer top up with formula. So day and night I'd sit with mother while she fed, take him burp him, and offer formula. I was getting no sleep and not able to to my job of supporting mother. At three months I started making sure he'd wait 3 hours between feeds, even if it meant him rocking him and walking him to keep him calm. This gradually increased to four hours and now he's on a good routine.

It's hard work but with time it does get better.