Nap time purgatory and won’t stay in bed at bedtime, please help at my wits end!

[Chip22]

Expecting second baby in just over 2 weeks and my eldest (DD 2yrs 9m) seems to have decided to remind us what it’s like to have a newborn. Nothing we have tried seems to be working and I’m really resenting not being able to chill out and watch TV of an evening while we still can. DH is a shift worker so I’m finding some nights very challenging being on my own with her.

I think the nap is the main issue. Getting her to fall asleep at nap time is really difficult even though she’s clearly exhausted but getting her to wake up after a nap is even worse! Short of attempting to physically wrestle her out of bed (and risk being kicked in the belly) there is no way. Have tried quiet time instead but she’s an exhausted wreck all afternoon and her behaviour is impossible.

If she naps she isn’t tired enough at bedtime because she gets up late, if she doesn’t she’s over tired at bedtime. Either way leads to hours of getting out of bed as soon as I leave the room.

Her routine (in case anyone can suggest a tweak that might help):
Awake 6:30-7:30 (one thing not to complain about)
Lunch 12ish
Upstairs for stories 1ish and try to get down 1:30ish
If she naps it’s probably not going to be until between 2-2:30
Try to wake her 3ish, eventually succeed 3:30 if I’m lucky
Bedtime has always been 8 with a pretty solid routine but is now followed by several hours of wailing and getting up and requests to pee etc.

Things we have tried: gro clock, reward chart, routine chart, supernanny leading back to bed technique, naps on the go (may or may not nap in the car but I can’t keep driving around all day), waking her up at the same time every morning.

Things I am really not keen to try: bed sharing, staying in her room.

I am on the edge so any suggestions would be very appreciated!

She’s grown out of the nap.

You need to go cold turkey and drop it. The in between bit of nap / no nap is really annoying but best to get through it in the next 14 days!

I’d drop the nap.

I’ve tried no nap though and I cannot even describe how exhausted and badly behaved she is in the afternoons! She’s like a different child :*( And it didn’t make bedtime any better as she was so over tired we had the same scenario in spite of my trying to put her to bed 1.5hours early!

I’d actually bring her afternoon nap earlier.
Start by getting her up at 7 every day. Then give her lunch at 11ish, and put her down for a nap at 12. Regardless of what time she drops off, get her up again at 2. Tea at 5 then start bedtime routine at 7, I’m bed by 7.30.
Stick with the times every day.

I’m also echoing with drop the nap. Bring her bedtime forward an least an hour whilst she settles. It will be tough whilst she gets used to it but you’ll soon have a child who is very tired at 6pm, straight to bed and should then sleep right through!
She’ll have to drop it soon enough anyway if she’s going to preschool, may as well give it a go.

I’d also bring the nap forward. She might be getting too tired by the time you put her down. It might help shorten the nap too. But she will need to drop it soonish and you might have a time of dealing with that and her being very tired.

When DD dropped the nap it was sloooooow (she was much younger) she napped every other day, then every few days for ages. Her bed time was dramatically different based on if she napped or not too

I think I would drop her nap and make bedtime a little earlier. If she had her way, how many hours would she sleep at nap time? If it's 2 hours, maybe give them to her at bedtime and make her bedtime routine start 2 hours earlier.

Ok, perhaps I need to persist with dropping the nap for more than a few days…

Problem is it all just self perpetuates! Had a terrible night last night- wouldn’t sleep until 2245 then up at 3, 4 & 5 so I know she’s going to be exhausted today. Thinking I’ll get her up now and try the early nap suggested by some here then if she sleeps better tonight try to go without the nap tomorrow.

Can’t really say how long she would like to nap for, probably 2 hours+ but I have no idea how to get her to bed that much earlier, really don’t want my dinner at 4:30 and surely she’ll be getting up ridiculously early then? My peaceful morning coffee does wonders for my mental health lol.

I guess this is all just going to be a slow process, especially given that there’s probably a lot of anxiety about the new baby playing into it for her.

Drop the map AND bring bedtime forward. She may not get up ridiculously early because her body needs the sleep.

My suggestion would be bring lunch and afternoon nap forward to 1-3, and straight to bed at the first sign she’s tired.

At that age DS slept best if we stuck to 1-3 and 7pm to 6:30 with usually one wake up in the night.

I wouldn’t personally drop the nap until she’s napping for less than an hour.

I never used to let mine sleep after 2.30 so if she wasn't asleep by then I would stop nap and bring forward bedtime.

She honestly doesn’t need a nap. This is exactly how they behave when it’s time to drop it.

When you put her down for a nap, give it half an hour. If she’s not asleep by then then get her up again.

7pm is a normal bedtime for her age, and there is no reason why she wouldn’t sleep through till 7am. Lots of kids do.

I have dinner with mine at 5pm, I know it’s early but it’s worth it to have a free evening. Or you could have it once she’s asleep.

Drop the nap, TV from 4, dinner at 5, Bath at 6, bed at 6.30-7 aiming for 7.

More TV if needed, it won’t last long.

It does take a good few days to change a new routine. Instead of a nap in the afternoon have an hour of quiet time, snuggles under a blanket on the sofa with books or watching a bit of tv. If she falls asleep that’s ok, but wake her up after an hour.
Bedtime routine - just stick with it and stay consistent. Dinner, bath time, story time and cuddles and then sleep. Make it calm and dim the lights, keep your voice quiet and if you’re met with constant requests for a wee then take her to the toilet, and return. Wailing does not get a response except to say quietly ‘bedtime’ or ‘night night’
Stick with it! Good luck!

I would say if she falls asleep during quiet time wake her up after 20 mins. She’ll be cranky but it won’t mess massively with bedtime. Don’t fight the nap. Let her play till she’s tired. Then do very calm activities with her. There was a point where I would read for over an hour when the witching hour hit. Or we would play with play dough or water beads with the lights dimmed a little.

Drop the nap and bring bedtime earlier by an hour
I work in a nursery in the 2 year old room and most of them drop the afternoon nap between 2 1/2 and 3
It’s a horrible transition phase but it does pass
You might find that every couple of days she falls asleep in the afternoon but it’s just the body’s way of getting enough sleep.

I’ve tried no nap though and I cannot even describe how exhausted and badly behaved she is in the afternoons!

Yup, that’s what happens in the no map transition. It will last a week / 10 days max and then it’s done.

It is horrible though for that short period of time. I hated the no nap transition period with all 3 of mine!

Just stick a gate on her room she can't climb over. The first couple of nights she'll be at 6s and 7s and might fall asleep on the floor. Then she'll get used to it and stay in bed.

I would shorten the length of her nap, or stop it entirely and put her to bed earlier.