2 Year Sleep Regression - Help

[BlusteringBoobies]

I've posted on a few other toddler sleep posts before but I thought I'd start my own in the hopes of advice from the wise @FATEdestiny or, quite frankly, anyone with helpful words! Sorry this is long but I wanted to list it all out for people to review and give me pointers!

Our 23 month DS has always slept quite well. Strict bedtime routine, finish with stories, then quick cuddle and into his cot, say goodnight and leave approx 7.15. He has been excellent at drifting off himself and only occasionally needing us to go back in for an extra cuddle. He is an early riser 5.30-6.30 but we've never minded as (unless ill) usually sleeps through.

He is still in his cot with bars up as has never tried to climb out, rolls around a lot and enjoys a sleeping bag as not quite ready for a duvet.

He still naps in the day and has NEVER refused a nap, always seems ready for it and reenergised afterwards. Sleeps around 12/12.30 for about 1.5 hours.

So the above was going great, until about 2.5 weeks ago when he suddenly started waking in the night extremely upset and wanting cuddles. This progressed and got so bad that he wouldn't want to be put down in the cot and got very upset when we left the room. It escalated so that we'd stay until he was asleep but as soon as he noticed we'd gone, he'd scream and the cycle would repeat. We were up for 3/4 hours with this.

We decided this couldn't continue so did some reading about 2 year sleep regression and decided to stop 'babying' him when we went in during the night. So now we wait 3 mins to see if he'll settle himself then go in, get down to his level next to the cot, quick cuddle without picking him up, explain it's bedtime, ask which teddy he wants to cuddle, encourage him to lie down himself, tell him we're just next door, we love him, quick stroke of the forehead and leave. This has been better than simply going in, picking up and putting down as he'd get hysterical when we left whereas this way he's nice and calm.

However, he will stay lying down and probably trying to go back to sleep (maybe even actually going back to sleep?) for 20 ish mins before he stands up and cries again. We leave him progressively longer each time by 1 min but this cycle continues for usually 2 hours on the nose before he'll lie down without us going in and go back to sleep.

We both work full time and although taking it in shifts, you can't really sleep through it so are exhausted. I'm heavily pregnant and neither of us are keen on co sleeping as both light sleepers and simply wouldn't sleep with him in bed.

He has a dummy but we ditched the white noise some time ago. We wondered if he is scared of the dark so he has a nightlight which means his room is slightly lite. We've tried the gro clock but he doesn't quite get it (or care!)

Is there anything else we could be doing or anything we should do differently? We're keen to get our good sleeper back before we have number two. Is this just a phase and we simply have to ride it out? It feels like he's formed a habit now and can't seems to get out of it!

I'm willing to take any and all advice given!

Reading this sounds completely identical to what my 2 year old went through at that exact age. It was as if he was all of a sudden afraid of everything, people, darkness, being alone.

We would end up putting him in our bed every night to get some sleep as we both worked full time too.

I thought we would never get back to how it used to be but after 2 months it was like a flick of a switch and he was back to himself? Going off to sleep in his cot by himself and sleeping through the night.

No1 talks about the 2 year regression but it was one of the hardest ones for us! Once he's going off to sleep by himself in the cot(maybe some gentle sleep training if not) it will end eventually. I know this is not advice but just wanted to let you know we tried everything too but it ended when he was ready and lasted 2 months for us. Hope this helps! Hang on in there

We are experiencing this and also have a newborn baby in the mix and it is HELL.

I haven't found a solution but I'm quite firm in my mind that we need to not introduce any new habits as it will pass. I would keep doing what you're doing even though it's painful.

Also, our toddler sort of re-regressed when the baby arrived and that was/is also painful.

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply.

Things have got a little better the last few nights. He's now ok going to sleep by himself and we think is starting to understand the gro clock a bit.

He's still waking in the night regardless of how easily he goes off on his own but when we go in we ask if the owl (on the clock) is still sleeping and has her eyes shut and he says 'yes' and we ask him if that means it's still bedtime and he says 'yes'. He lies back down reasonably quickly but we are still in and out for nearly an hour.

Sleep training is tricky because I'm not sure there's much else we can do. We leave him once he first wakes a bit to see if he goes down by himself. Then go in. He does then spend 20 mins quiet before starting again and we wait a bit more time before going in. It's usually now around the hour mark he'll put himself back to sleep after crying a bit.

So it's improved but still his default on waking is to stand up and cry which is new.

I'm very much hoping he'll snap out of it soon and also aware there is potential re-regression when the baby comes early Jan so the sooner we can establish a solid routine again, the better!

It's good to know others have been or are going through it. We didn't really have issues with any of the other sleep regressions and this one has hit us the hardest too! I wish we could bring him into our bed but he's such a fidget, neither of us would sleep-and the dog also sees any addition to the bed as 'party time' and tried to get in too! 😆

Writing this through bleary eyes but hoping it is improving!

Hi @BlusteringBoobies
How are things with your kid these days? I am just going through the same thing for the past few weeks after my DS turned 2. Did things improve for you? I am exhausted. Does that have an end?

Hi Mama 👋🏻 it's exhausting isn't it!

So the good news is that we're back to sleeping through the night again and going to sleep pretty easily but the bad news is that his new wake up time for the day is 5.30am.

I'm on a few mum groups for babies born the same time and this seems to be a bit of a pattern than there's suddenly an earlier wake up post this regression.

I think the techniques we used absolutely helped and we just did not default from them and he got used to it

-used a gro clock and waved goodbye to the owl on it just before getting into bed. Explain it's bedtime and just like the owl, it's time for sleep. Tuck in, reassure you're just outside and leave. Go back if tears but don't pick up, just reassure and ask to lie back down with some incentives ("which teddy do you want to cuddle when you go back to sleep?")

-If wake ups in the night, don't pick up, bend down for a cuddle. Point to the gro clock and say the owl is still asleep so it's bedtime. Ask to lie back down and mummy or daddy will tuck you back in. Then say goodnight and leave. Now, when we started this we would sometimes have to go back in 3/4 times but it gradually reduced as he realised he wasn't going to get anymore attention.

So we changed from doing what we did for him as a baby which was to pick up, cuddle and soothe to having a bit more of a conversation about bedtime and not picking him up.

I just wish he'd now sleep passed 5.30 but I'd take that over being awake for 3 hours every night!

The whole thing lasted about 3/4 weeks which is the longest regression we've had!

Thank you so much @BlusteringBoobies for coming back to me. Honestly I haven’t been able to find anything close to what we are experiencing apart from your post here which is almost 100% overlap with what we have going on. We are literally doing what you have been doing and I really hope in a few weeks time this will be behind our backs. Any other tips that you think of please share with me, I guess I am just in a desperate mode now.
Hope this won’t last forever!

We had a regression around that time as well. Not quite as severe as yours but still very noticeable! It seemed to last maybe just over a month and then she settled down and sleeps 7-7 without fail again. Just patience for us I'm afraid!

Hi @popapoppadum, thank you for sharing. It is good to know that we are not the only ones struggling. Generally, what was your approach towards the situation, how did you handle it and react it to it? I am constantly worried we are just not doing things the right way and thus he won’t ever come out of it…

@Mama1771 hello, we are currently going through this, have been for the past week.. exhausted! How long did this last for you?

Hey @Anne8888,
Well, for us it lasted for a month and a half to 2 months and then suddenly it started happening just a few nights a week and then it disappeared.
i still remember how exhausting it was, but really keep going, it will go away eventully. I tried to keep the routine as much as possible as well as not interact too much at night.
something similar is happening to us now again, so I really hope we both get some sleep soon