Getting 6yo in his own room

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Long post

Ds 6 has always been a bad sleeper.
He his a natural night owl always has been!

He will not go sleep unless he's in my bed. If I get up to watch tv in the living room he will wake up and come and find me.

We had to share room until he was about 2yo but even getting him to stay in his own bed was near impossible. So gave up because no matter how much I tried and didn't give in he just would not sleep and would still be awake at 3am and beyond which was no good for anyone. So did give in.

He's had his own room since the age of 3 but again it's impossible to keep him in there. I mean trying for weeks on end with routine/rewards. You name it I've tried it. I can count on one hand the amount of times he's stayed in his room asleep all night. Then he just point blank refused to sleep in his room at all. And out of sheer tirednesses I gave up. So since he has slept in beside me since. I've tried sleeping in his room on a mattress on the floor but that doesn't help either he just cry's that he's not with me and needs to be with me.

We go to bed at roughly 8pm and once he's sleeping I either look at my phone or watch tv with no sound and subtitles. But I've had enough! I need some time to myself at night time. I would settle for him still sleeping in my bed but that he at least went to bed on his own meaning bedtime routine then lights out good night. And I could leave him.

Do I start off with that or just straight to your getting a big boy it's time to sleep in your own bed in your own room straight away? I have tried both but eventually give in and stay with him or let him in with me because he can't go to school and be up until 3am every night!

Help?!

Can he rationalise during the day time why he doesn't want to be without you in the evening? At 6 he is old enough to understand the world doesn't revolve around him and mummy has things to do in the evening after he goes to bed. I'd be laying down the law a little - can he read or listen to an audio book in your bed until you come up at 9/10? That could be a fair compromise until you both get into a swing of things. 9 is late, but it's not 3am. Perhaps start building up the time he spends alone - so he goes to bed at 8pm and listens to an audio book until you come at 9 for a week, then 10 etc.

I could have written your post. Mine is 9 now and if he had his way, we'd go to bed, in my bed, together every night.

So, I let him do it once a week. The other nights, and this started when he was about 6, I'd spend half an hour or so with him, get him all relaxed and send him to bed.

Sounds simple. It wasn't! We redecorated his room, bought a new, bigger bed. Bought lots of various lights, make sure he has a drink at the ready, make sure he's into a good book, and we discovered he likes his door completely closed so he can't see the 'scary' top of the stairs, or hear us because then he knows he is missing out.

We talked about it a lot during the daytime. We bought a book called what to do when you're scared of your bed or something. We talked about the fact he could come into our bed in the morning for a cuddle. He still moans about it, but as he's gotten older, he's got better at it. Especially when I show ho that he can read, or draw, or listen to something while he's in bed. As long as he's lay down still.

I also like the bedtime meditations by Christianne Kerr on Spotify. There are a couple of meditations she's done for kids and they're great. Worth a try!

It's about gentle perseverance. I found that if we did anything too quick, or made him too upset about it, he would regress. So slowly, slowly. Gently.

As an aside, as soon as he could talk he asked me why we put him in a jail bed. He meant his cot! He always hated his cot, and to hear a 2 and a half year old call it a jail bed (because of the bars!) Made so much sense! Bless him, he though we were putting him in jail! No wonder his sleep associations are off!

Good luck, not sure if any of that will help you.

@Keladrythesaviour

Can he rationalise during the day time why he doesn't want to be without you in the evening? At 6 he is old enough to understand the world doesn't revolve around him and mummy has things to do in the evening after he goes to bed. I'd be laying down the law a little - can he read or listen to an audio book in your bed until you come up at 9/10? That could be a fair compromise until you both get into a swing of things. 9 is late, but it's not 3am. Perhaps start building up the time he spends alone - so he goes to bed at 8pm and listens to an audio book until you come at 9 for a week, then 10 etc.

No just that he doesn't want to be without me. He won't even play in his room by himself. He's always wherever I am.

@JuneOsborne

I could have written your post. Mine is 9 now and if he had his way, we'd go to bed, in my bed, together every night.

So, I let him do it once a week. The other nights, and this started when he was about 6, I'd spend half an hour or so with him, get him all relaxed and send him to bed.

Sounds simple. It wasn't! We redecorated his room, bought a new, bigger bed. Bought lots of various lights, make sure he has a drink at the ready, make sure he's into a good book, and we discovered he likes his door completely closed so he can't see the 'scary' top of the stairs, or hear us because then he knows he is missing out.

We talked about it a lot during the daytime. We bought a book called what to do when you're scared of your bed or something. We talked about the fact he could come into our bed in the morning for a cuddle. He still moans about it, but as he's gotten older, he's got better at it. Especially when I show ho that he can read, or draw, or listen to something while he's in bed. As long as he's lay down still.

I also like the bedtime meditations by Christianne Kerr on Spotify. There are a couple of meditations she's done for kids and they're great. Worth a try!

It's about gentle perseverance. I found that if we did anything too quick, or made him too upset about it, he would regress. So slowly, slowly. Gently.

As an aside, as soon as he could talk he asked me why we put him in a jail bed. He meant his cot! He always hated his cot, and to hear a 2 and a half year old call it a jail bed (because of the bars!) Made so much sense! Bless him, he though we were putting him in jail! No wonder his sleep associations are off!

Good luck, not sure if any of that will help you.

Thanks even reading your reply made me feel better. Totally agree about the cot he said the same thing would not sleep in it at all with the sides on.

We've redecorated his room already but it didn't help. Will look for the book you mentioned as he says he's scared. And we've recently being using the headspace app that has kids wind downs and stories and so far 90% of the time he's been sleeping before they have finished which is amazing on its own. Will try again and include the one night a week he can sleep with me. And just not give in this time. Thank you for your reply

@JuneOsborne was the book what to do when you dread your bed?

www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Dread-Your-What/dp/1433803186

Yes, that's it! Bit I think my son was a bit old for it by the time I'd found it....

I think knowing it isn't forever, that he can have that one night, every week, without fail, really helps. Sometimes he'll say to me, 4 more nights. And then I realise it's 4 more nights till he can sleep in with me.

Bless them, in some ways they're still so young. And it's great that they're attached to us. Nice and secure! But, we need our space as well as the cuddles!

Hope it works out for you