3 days into CC with a nearly-1-year old, and she seems traumatised already

[mylittlepudding]

My DD, who is 1 next week, has been a difficult sleeper for months. I have very sleep-dependent bipolar disorder, and DP works nights, so I do the nights and don't really get a lie in or anything. My mental health was deteriorating with dd's desire to wake up for hours in the night, and usually from 3am, so we/I made the reluctant decision to do a modified version of CC.

I started last week, and 2 days into it she got a streaming cold. So we restarted. She IS self-soothing a bit faster, I must say that. But she now refuses to go upstairs (she previously LOVED climbing the stairs on her own, now she has to be carried) and starts sobbing and screaming as soon as she enters her bedroom. She used to play in the cot whilst I pottered in there - I have tried to keep doing it, but she is inconsolable.

Am I scarring her? Will this pass? What should I try? I am so scared of giving her problems in later life... but I thought I had chosen the lesser of the evils.

I'll bump this for you as I don't know much about CC
for when they are this old

• Shitemum should be able to help.

In general I would say, carry on for another 2-3 nights and then take stock,
particularly as you are seeing some improvement.
If you are still unhappy I would recommend watering it down to gradual retreat.

Regarding the sudden aversion to her room
I had a similar experience when I was doing
a form of CC for the daytime naps but with 'parental presence',
i.e. I stayed in the room. dd was about 10 months at the time.

After the first few times, I noticed that she started crying
the moment I closed the curtains!
It was quite extraordinary, she did not care that I was still
cuddling her and that I was not going to leave the room.
She knew what was coming and she voiced her protest well before
I had actually put her down.

Does that sound familiar? Is that what you mean by trauma?

Thanks DaddyJoseph. That's exactly what I mean. A reluctance to go up the stairs and clinging to me, crying, as soon as we enter her room. It's good to know it's not just us. Did your daughter stop having the association eventually?

Hi MLP

I have just done CC with nearly 10mo DS (again as a last resort). After the first couple of nights, he went through a couple of nights where he would start protesting as soon as he went in his cot -- I guess because he knew what was coming. It was horrible but only lasted one or two nights, since then he has gone in quite happily and gone to sleep without a peep. So you may find that in a night or two she is fine.

However, my ultimate caveat would be to go with your parental instinct, if it is too upsetting for you all to go through then stop! The gradual method DaddyJ mentions might work better for you.

Also is it possible she is teething or still feeling a bit grotty from her cold? If so then I would hold off CC for now.

She did, yes!

I found the cry-in-advance thing pretty astonishing, too,
even somewhat disturbing (like you say)
but in the end I just saw it as a sign of intelligence.

My girl recognised the pattern and and shouted 'Oioi! I know what you're up to!!'
Truth be told, she was not being unreasonable

What is important is to repeat the message clearly and consistenly -
that really is the only crucial bit about CC.

Hope this is useful! Shout if you need more info/reassurance.

MegB, really pleased for you and your lo.
I think you joined MN (or rather the sleep section!)
around the same time as me. It's been a long journey.

I found cc too traumatic, but did do PU/PD (or lay down) which worked really well with nightmare dd.

Put dd down, pat her, say night night in nuetral tone, no eye contact. Leave room. She will cry. Go straight back in, lay her down, say night night etc etc, leave room. She will cry. Go straight back in....blah blah etc. Repeat until she lies down, settles and stops crying.(takes about 2 hours first time)

It definitely works, takes about 2 weeks...lot less traumatic then controlled crying....I cried as much as dd when I tried that