How to get 4 year old to stay in room?

[Coriandersucks]

Ds turns 5 in January. Ive had an increasing problem with him as he’s got older in that he sinply won’t stay in his room after bed time.

I take him up about 7, do teeth, story, cuddles then he usually plays quietly in his room until about 8 when he asks me to tuck him in one more time before falling asleep.

For some reason the last few weeks he has started coming out of his room every ten minutes and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve tried ignoring him, saying I’m not coming up again, putting him back without saying a word (reminds me of the baby years), using the gro clock and goodness know what else. Nothing works.

Tonight I got really cross because he came out and said he had tummy ache. It was 8:45! He probably did have a bit of tummy ache because he was running around his bedroom all evening but I just ran out of sympathy for him.

Any suggestions of how I can tackle this? I really don’t want him to have an 8 o’clock bedtime as I think he’s too young to change it and I really need some downtime!

Bump

I'll paste you a note I have on my phone, sorry its not personalised, I copied and pasted it into a note when I explained it to someone before! I think it might work, we did this with my Dd but for night waking, it's actually designed for bedtime
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Bedtime passes
If you think the not sleeping is a psychological thing then you could try something called bedtime tokens / bedtime passes. Start with a family meeting, draw up some sleep rules, get your child to suggest and draw them to give them some ownership.

Agree a reward. We've used penny sweets and playmobil. We used playmobil, I bought a camping set and split it all up, put the names of all the bits in a pot and Dd got a new piece at random every morning she had tokens left.

Make loads of tokens together. I mean loads. If the child gets up at bedtime or calls you in the night then that's absolutely fine and allowed, but costs 1 token. Put them in a pot by their bed. If there are tokens left in the morning, the child gets a reward.

For the first few nights the child needs to succeed. So you need more tokens than they will use. My Dd used more than 30 the first night. When they're in the swing of it, start to gradually reduce the number of tokens. It took us a few weeks to get down to 6. Dd started to fail a few times and had to try. We got stuck at this level a while. Eventually we got down to 3 and at some point the system was gradually forgotten. 30+ night wakings down to 1 or 2 was a lot bloody better.

You can look this up, I believe it's called bedtime passes and there's a few articles out there.

I also wonder if that bedtime might be a bit early. My ds is not 5 until May, he goes up about 7:15 and in bed at 7:30. He doesn't like going up to bed at the mo either so it's possibly a bit of a developmental stage.

The advice on bedtime passes was given to us by a sleep consultant who helped us with my Dd when she was 4. She used to wake at 1:30am and not go back to sleep.

Does he play with toys or a device? He probably get excited from the play time so maybe switch it, and have him play the first half hour and then do cuddles and story in bed after putting all the toys to sleep as well.

You could google the back to bed technique by the 3 day nanny. You have to be consistant and see it through for 3 nights but it does work

Thank you that’s helpful.

I did do the back to bed method when he was a toddler and moved to a big bed for the first time and it worked, then I tried it again recently but googling it again I definitely wasn’t strict enough with the no talking so will try that again.

Also good idea re switching the playing and settling him down.

Then if none of that works then a later bed time it is. Either way a serious shake up is needed.

I have the same issue with my 4 year old.

It's an absolute nightmare. She finds it really funny coming out of bed every 2 minutes.

Someone suggested getting a Tonie box. It did work for a few nights but then she went back to normal. To be honest, I just gave up and I now just lay next to her until she falls asleep. Sometimes she will let me put the Tonie box on and leave the room after about 20 minutes but it's rare.

No advice really!

What happened when you got cross? Did he listen? I’m not suggesting ranting or railing, but my children know if they come down without a good reason they get a telling off. The youngest is 3.

I would stop the playing after you've put him to bed! Get into bed, have story, goodnight cuddle, lights out. May be a later bedtime would help, but personally I think 8 is quite late for a 4yo. Could he be over-tired?

Mine were allowed to read for 10 mins or so when a bit older, but they stayed in bed to do it.

I’ve ordered him a yoto player for his birthday in the hope that would keep him in so we will see…

When I got cross he just got upset and went back to his room and cried so I had to go up anyway to say I didn’t want to get cross but you need your rest etc etc

I don’t think he is overtired - we went out the other week to watch the fireworks and he behaved so well and we got home at 8:30 and he went straight into bed and feel asleep for 12 hours.

I hoped starting school would help because his brain just seems to be in overdrive - we tire him out physically at weekends but it doesn’t make a difference.

What’s he playing with ag bedroom? My kids don’t have toys in their rooms and the lights are off

Dd is older (7) but after years of going to bed well had crept into similar behaviour. We chatted about it and agreed that i will pop into her periodically (about every 20 mins) to check on her and give her a cuddle if she is awake. But no chatting or getting out of bed. She wants me to stay with sher permenantly until she is asleep but this was out compromise. In exchange, if she doesn't get up (obviously wees are allowed), after 7 days she gets £2 and is saving for a barbie.

We did a reward chart she helped to make, over two weeks with a present at the end of it. Lots of praise each day she stayed in her room. It worked, but she does love a chart!

Shamelessly jumping in for ideas - though mine is only 2yr old (almost 3). He goes to bed okay, but for the past month or so wakes 2-4 times a night and it is killing me.

Has anyone tried a reward chart at this age? I'm not sure he'd "get it" enough to motivate him yet.

At the moment, he just gets up and stands silently at his door. But when he go to him and get him back in bed, that's when he cries and wants us to lay down with him. Tempted to try just no going to him if he's silent and see if he eventually goes back to his bed on his own.

If you want more carrot than stick maybe try an audiobook to listen to, but it gets turned off of he's gets out of bed. My DS4 has a Tonie box and it has worked absolute wonders in getting him to stay in bed and drop off.

Ds1 is 5, coming up 6in March and tbf I just sit with him until he's asleep, or potter around on the landing/upstairs, he hates being upstairs on his own and that's what makes him come out and make excuses. Have found the quickest and easiest thing is this. He's asleep by 8 every night.

Goes up at 7:30, teeth story and a little chat until 7:45 (just about his school day etc) then I get up and start putting things away, letting him know I'm still there every few mins, or sit there with him, he's never still awake after 8.

So I let him stay up until 730 tonight then said you can go and play in your room for 20 minutes. I went up at ten to 8 and we put the toys away, got his books which we read and I said that’s it lights out, you stay in bed now. I won’t be coming up again but if I have to I won’t be speaking do you understand. He said yes. It’s been quiet since.

He was a bit confused by it all but he actually looked ready to sleep when I left him.

I would obviously rather we didn’t have toys in his room but we had to downsize a few months ago and this is now the only place we can have them.