14 MO controlled crying for 15 mins

[FingersXssd83]

14 MO baby used to be really good at going to sleep at approx 7pm at night. We've had a disaster over the last few weeks, it's been up to 11.30 some nights. I'm pregnant, my husband works nights and it's just exhausting.

The other afternoon I left baby 10 mins crying and he went to sleep for his nap.

Last night he wouldn't do down, husband didn't leave him very long and he went to bed finally after another bottle at 10.30.

Tonight, I've left him for 10-15 mins and he cried, calmed down, cried again and then went to sleep.

It goes against my gut leaving him crying, but he is so sleep deprived and exhausted I feel it's for his benefit. We are quite soft with our baby and I think the age he's at now we might need to go start being a bit firmer with routine etc.

I initially thought the issue might have been because he hadn't had enough food/milk in the day but I'm now wondering if we've encouraged his non-sleeping behaviour by bringing him downstairs when he doesn't go down to sleep.

Would love to know everyone's thoughts and experiences!

"Controlled" crying is cruel. Your child is crying for you so much they fall asleep out of exhaustion after realising you aren't coming when they need you.

Have you considered he could be teething? Molars come in around 14 months and teething pain is generally worse at night as they are not distracted from it. So he could just be in pain and wanting his parents.

Controlled crying isn't always cruel @ForTheLoveOfSleep. Some children find it completely over stimulating for parents to keep going in and out the room and this is the only way they can settle. It also depends on the cry. Full out screaming and inconsolable they need support. Moaning to themselves is just a way of settling.

What are his awake windows and sleep?

I don’t think 10 minutes crying is terrible. Does he then sleep through?

What’s his day time routine like?

There shouldn't be any controlled crying. The poor baby has zero control, the only controlling ones are the parents.
The baby doesn't know about your 'routine.'
They cry because they need something. Food, drink, they might be in pain, nappy change, love, comfort. Why would any decent parent ignore their baby's needs?
I get that it's hard work with small children, but it doesn't last forever.

You likely won't find much support on cio or cc on here.

I wouldn't bring lo downstairs though. But that's just my personal view. Lo probably learnt if they cry they get to come downstairs with you.

I don't see a problem doing bit of cc. Or perhaps dissappearing chair method. Or hold lo hand for period of time etc. Depends for quicker results cc will be quicker then dissappearing chair or holding hand etc.

Does lo sleep through night? And what's nap routine?

If you keep cuddling him and helping him settle he will learn to sleep independently again. If you’re too tired to care for him, try and find time for a nap for yourself so you have enough energy to be there.

Controlled crying will work too.

Do what suits you.

@ForTheLoveOfSleep

Give over. If the baby is asleep within 15 minutes he clearly isn’t hungry or in pain. Some children find the presence of their parent keeps them awake, mine certainly did.

What’s worse is when children never get restful, unbroken sleep. That’s worse for their well-being.

ok so there are two issues here:

1 controlled crying- nothing wrong with it, it isnt cry it out and tbh all the guilt tripping mothers with ample time to hush their babies for hours can piss off, (I actually think its cruel not to train your child if they are over 1 and waking up multiple times in the night, the brain and body need sleep).
I left my eldest for 10mins max when we sleep trained her, took 3 nights she has slept beautifully since she was sleep trained (at 9 months old, is now 4). I did have a rule though that my child wasn't teething or sick whilst training.

2- babies/ toddlers routines change constantly- you may need to look at the day naps- timing and length, if taking so long to get to sleep at night.

I think you’re doing great and letting them cry a little is fine. My baby cries because he’s exhausted, me cuddling him won’t get him to sleep but a bit of drizzling might.

I completely understand!!
It is so hard when they don't sleep.

I also did controlled with my first when she was about 5 months old. I had a lot of judgment from family but I was losing the plot from a lack of sleep. If you feel guilty about it, we tried a slightly different method where you put them in cot and leave them for two minutes, if still crying go in and rub back etc and then leave for 4 minutes, then 6,8,10 minutes.

My Daughter took really well to that type of controlled crying and she would always be asleep by the 6 minute mark.

Crying for 10-15 minutes isn't the end of the world. You have another baby coming and definitely don't need the added work of the eldest waking up all hours of the night!

Sorry, just realised you said 14 month old! My advice probably won't be quite that helpful 😂

The only thing I would add is: don't abandon them completely. I found with DD2 the best thing was to sit outside the door (door just slightly open) and occasionally talk to her "good night" "time for bed" "i love you". She was a bit older. But still I do find it harsh to completely leave them all alone while they're crying

We had a 'rule' about not taking DD out of her room if she woke in the night - so not going downstairs, not doing anything that could be construed as 'fun', keep lights as low as you can whilst being safe, sounds/voices low. Be consistent. If they're beside themselves then go to them, but low level grizzling is fine.

Look at Emily Oster's Cribsheet for evaluations of actual research into this sort of thing. They're not going to come to any harm using controlled crying. It's nothing like the poor babies/toddlers in orphanages who were never responded to.

Definitely wouldn't bring them downstairs again if they're not sleeping.. It sends mixed messages. You need to be consistent, keep lights low, voices hushed, it's bedtime and it's time for sleep.