Night time rows, is breaking up the only way forward?

[elkiedee]

Being woken up in the night by a crying baby is hard. But what's making it much, much harder is having my partner deliberately pick a fight over it. He's bottlefed (not by choice and something I'm sad about) and we agreed that on nights he wakes up one of us would change him and one would heat the milk. He cried in his sleep a few times tonight and had his dummy put back in but I decided we should do the routine - one changes, one gets milk ready. I was then told he was falling asleep on the changing mat and it was my fault partner was having to wake him up to change him. Well, no, he'd already woken up due to discomfort, probably teething more than nappy or hunger but nappy and food sometimes works and not doing either definitely won't.

I know my partner's tired but he's not the only one. It's horrible being woken up. But I can't handle having someone have a go at me in the middle of the f**ing night all the time. He was really nasty to me this morning as well, and I got the "I have to go to work" (I'm on maternity leave). To which I pointed out that he was finding it hard to deal with baby for half an hour, and hard to deal with being asked to wash a couple of dishes at the same time. How easy is it for me to be with a teething, mobile baby (7+ months) all day on limited amounts of sleep?

I work hard at putting a brave face on things, trying to keep calm and keep smiling. I'm sick of a partner who won't make any effort at all, who sulks and scowls and snaps and takes everything out on me. Grizzly baby, it's not his fault but I shouldn't have to deal with a grizzly petty spiteful supposed to be an adult as well.

I've told him a number of times, including tonight, that this could/will break us up, and he apologises, but he won't stop doing it and get a grip.

Sorry, that post was barely literate, but you get the gist.

I'll probably go against the grain here but TBh I wouldn't even bother waking DH up to change/feed the baby in the night. I stopped doing that when DS1 was about 4 weeks old....DS4 will be a year old soon and I could probably count on one hand the number of tiems DH has got up and fed any of them during the night (its the way I like it so don't worry)

IME for men wipes and nappies belong in the in the Krypton factor at 3am so its best left to the professional

oh yes, at 7 month, forgetthe nappy change...

Elkie - you've both got to change the way things are being done.

I dont know many people that are remotely coherent enough in the middle of the night to discuss things rationally.

Only one of you should get up - if you need to get up. Get your LO in his own room. DS was much like yours sounds, and we found that being in his own room helped because our snoring etc was disturbing him.

DONT change nappy unless absolutely dire.

Ignore the tiring out/rest during the day stuff - DS was the amazing non-sleeping baby who was (and still is) constantly on the go and into things. All i can say is that it does get better.

In the meantime, accept that both of you can have bad days, both of you need a break, and that we can all have off moments and snap at each other.

Haven't read all the other replies, but why don't you properly take it in turns ie. one of you get up when the baby wakes and do milk and change (only change if your LO is genuinely really wet, though... don't make extra work for yourself)? That way, the other one is asleep and there is nobody to moan to until the next morning, by which stage you might both be better able to cope with a civil exchange.

p.s. d

Don't underestimate the havoc sleep deprivation causes. The first year of my son's life me and DH were extremely rocky and rowed constantly - fast forward to approaching his third birthday and we are the most loved up couple ever and everything has totally changed. Don't even consider breaking up until your baby is sleeping through!

...what I meant was, don't consider breaking up until your baby is sleeping through and then see if the problems with your DH's attitude are still there. Sorry, not very clear!

TBH you can sleep when your ds sleeps your dh can't. Ds doesn't settle well at home so i take him for a walk until he falls asleep in the pushchair then we walk straight back home and I go to bed until he wakes up. I do that twice a day and he sleeps for 2-3 hours each time so i make up for the 2 hour stints of being awake he does at 3am.

I can still get housework and cooking done by going to sleep when he does. I have about 5.5 hours in total where he's awake - well 6 hours but the last half an hour is taken up by getting him to bed.