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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Drowsy but awake…how do I do it?

26 replies

Inlander · 04/11/2021 23:02

DD is 16 weeks and I’m getting a bit tired of rocking her to sleep so I’m going to attempt putting her down drowsy but awake to see if she will fall asleep by herself.

From what I’ve read, I need to watch for sleep cues (yawning, eye rubbing etc) then Pat her back and sshh her then put her down and hope for the best. If she cries, wait a bit then pick her up and repeat until she falls asleep. Is this how it is done? Is there anything else I should do? What if we spend 2hrs doing this? I can totally see that happening!

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CrazyOldBagLady · 04/11/2021 23:05

I think it's a lot of bollocks personally. Is your usual method not working?

Original poster

Inlander · 04/11/2021 23:08

@CrazyOldBagLady the rocking didn’t work today at all!! She had about 1hr daytime sleep max all day and that was from the pram (which funnily enough she usually hates). My DS used to feed to sleep which I loved cos I could just sit with him or lie down next to him but DD won’t feed to sleep at all and I have tried so hard to get her to do this!

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nousernamehere01 · 04/11/2021 23:11

Drowsy but awake is a big fat myth.

You're better off just holding her until she sleeps and then put her down gently, making sure it's bum first so you don't trigger the startle reflex.

But if you're really fed up of that, I follow a lady on Instagram called Heysleepybaby, she has a great highlight on sleep associations you might find helpful. (You'll have to scroll through a bit but it is there I just double checked! Under the name associations)

https://instagram.com/heysleepybaby?utm medium=copyy_link

StillMissV · 04/11/2021 23:16

Drowsy but awake ah hahaha
Never happened in this house after multiple babies

Flubbah · 04/11/2021 23:24

Ok, first you need to give birth to the sort of baby who’s happy to be put down drowsy but awake.,, If you have already fucked up this crucial step then it’s game over!

Bonnealle · 04/11/2021 23:24

I think you can just tell when they’re ready for that. I used to feed to sleep, then they finished feeding but we’re still awake but grouchy, so would put them in their cot with the mobile on. They would have a grumble (not a cry), then soon be asleep. I’d then go up and turn the night light and mobile off once asleep.

Talipesmum · 04/11/2021 23:30

Never managed it once for either child. Though it’s ok now - my 11 year old was pretty drowsy but still awake when I said goodnight this evening. Didn’t work when he was a baby though. Hahahahahahaha.

Babyfg · 04/11/2021 23:45

Drowsy but awake ruined so many naps and bed times for my first. Didn't bother even trying with the other two. They all sleep brilliantly now. Do whatever you do that gets her to sleep. Also you've probably hit the four month sleep regression (curve balls babies throw at us to keep us on our toes 🙄).

Nietzschethehiker · 04/11/2021 23:52

After two DC I don't actually think I've ever seen drowsy but awake.

I've seen over stimulated , tired and insistent on screaming at a decibel that I guaranteed to pierce your eardrum because you dared to stop rocking me at exactly the right cadence because you shifted to establish your arm was in fact still there after it had gone numb for 15 minutes (DS1)

I've seen pretend to be dozing off and the second he is put down emotionally somersaulting into an energizer bunny that wants to play a rousing game of the floor is lava at 3am (DS2)

No wait I have seen it but it was DP and it was more drowsy but awake and desperate to close eyes for a few seconds but I don't think that counts.

Don't worry too much about being specific about the signs consider what works for you and the baby. Have a watch for the individual to them signs they show just before sleep (DS1 would turn his head so his ear was flat in a certain way and that was his cue he actually wanted to sleep and DS2 would tuck his leg upon a certain way. Didn't matter how drowsy I learnt they had their own indicators...and DS1 would then drop off mid winge)

Greenmarmalade · 04/11/2021 23:53

Never worked for me for any of my 4. Just fed them to sleep, rocked, drove… whatever was necessary

ShowMeHow · 04/11/2021 23:56

@Flubbah

Ok, first you need to give birth to the sort of baby who’s happy to be put down drowsy but awake.,, If you have already fucked up this crucial step then it’s game over!

Lol indeed

whatswithtodaytoday · 05/11/2021 00:01

I finally managed to get my child into the cot drowsy but awake when he was two years old. He rolled over and went back to sleep, and I was amazed.

Until then, we held him until he was deeply asleep. I figured he wouldn't still be doing it at 18.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 05/11/2021 00:09

My DD accomplished this....at 4 years old.
But yep biggest load of bollocks there is, do what works and keep doing it until it doesn't then try something else. Don't worry about rods or any of that crap.

olderthanyouthink · 05/11/2021 09:29

@Flubbah

Ok, first you need to give birth to the sort of baby who’s happy to be put down drowsy but awake.,, If you have already fucked up this crucial step then it’s game over!

DS just used to drop off wherever on his own but that's fading as we get closer to the first regression, oh well. DD 3yrs can do drowsy but awake when she's REALLY ill but otherwise she almost needs drugging to sleep

FATEdestiny · 05/11/2021 09:42

@Inlander your thread title promotes confirmation bias. The concept of putting baby down awake invokes strong feelings on those who cannot, or don't want to, achieve it. Hense a thread full of vocal posts above saying putting baby down awake is impossible (It isnt).

Fact is, there quiet majority just don't make a big fuss about their baby going to sleep independently. They just do it and it isn't any kind of a big deal to have feeling a about. I mention this because I didn't want you to think I'm a lone voice amongst the majority. Thats not true.

On to actual help...

The first thing that will make independant sleep easier is the dummy. If you haven't already established one, focus on this as a priority.

Aside from sucking, movement also helps baby go to sleep independently. So naps in a pram pushed back and forth are helpful. This teaches baby to go from fully awake to fully asleep seperate to you.

The other thing I wanted to mention is that the sleep cues you mention are over tired cues. Any outward sign of being tired means baby was actually tired 30-60 minutes ago, at least. Over estimate how limited wake windows need to be. Baby might only be awake for 60 minutes between naps.

Avarua · 05/11/2021 09:51

Yes drowsy but not asleep does work. Are you swaddling the baby still or?
I think they get sleep cues from routine so just follow the same routine, every single time you out them into bed. Eg use the same stretchy blanket for swaddling or the same dummy or whatever.

firstimemamma · 05/11/2021 09:54

Drowsy but awake is just another thing that stresses mums out - don't do it!

idontlikealdi · 05/11/2021 11:20

Nope never happened for us. We rocked, walked and bounced them to sleep, and had a few memorable drives around the south circular with the heating on in full to convince dts to sleep. They didn't nap in their cots until they were just turned one.

Original poster

Inlander · 05/11/2021 12:48

@Flubbah

Ok, first you need to give birth to the sort of baby who’s happy to be put down drowsy but awake.,, If you have already fucked up this crucial step then it’s game over!

😂

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Original poster

Inlander · 05/11/2021 12:48

Thank you all for your responses, glad to know I’m not alone!

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Original poster

Inlander · 05/11/2021 12:54

@FATEdestiny that’s interesting. Her wake times are roughly 2hrs at the moment but they seem to be getting longer. I can’t seem to get her to fall asleep before this time no matter what I do.

I have tried the dummy but she just seems to gag on it and spit it out. Is 16/17 weeks to late to try? What’s the best way to get her to take to it?

I think we have hit the 4 month regression as she seems to wake every two hours at night

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FATEdestiny · 05/11/2021 18:33

An approximation for the ideal wake window is:

Double nap length
Plus or minus 15 minutes
Never longer than 2h until naps are consistantly 90 min plus.

So you're 2h is almost certainly too long awake, but it does depend on what your nap lengths are like.

Not being able to get baby to sleep before then is more likely down to you not having a well established method if getting baby to sleep, rather than baby not needing to sleep. Its very common to underestimate (wildly) the amount of help baby will need, especially if you're wanting baby to sleep independently.

5 months is the time when establishing a dummy is likely too late. You're not too late now, although it will be harder work than when baby was a newborn. Definately, definately worth putting in significant effort to establish the dummy now, it will be worth it.

kwaziseyepatch · 06/11/2021 13:21

I managed it with DS (2nd child) when he was about 7 months. Before that I used to shush and pat him to sleep after putting him in the cot. I wish he would have taken a dummy as it would have made life easier and it took a bit of work when he was younger but since he was 8/9 months I follow a short routine and put him down for naps and bedtime if he doesn't fall asleep feeding, just staying nearby in case he needs a bit of reassurance. Yes there was the odd time it would take 20 mins longer to get him down at the start but there's been a much longer pay off and he sleeps ok. Not through the night really at 18 months but almost and he's a good napper

Original poster

Inlander · 06/11/2021 13:22

Thank you @FATEdestiny my method for getting her to sleep for naps and bedtime is putting her in the sling and rocking her in there. If she wakes during the night I feed her and she falls back asleep but she won’t feed to sleep for naps or bedtime.

I will try the dummy again. I’ve tried just now but she keeps pushing it out with her tongue!

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Original poster

Inlander · 06/11/2021 13:24

@kwaziseyepatch thank you. I’m going to give it a go and see where I get to 😬 I think I give up to early!

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