Controlled crying - day 5

[KMD88]

We've been trying controlled crying with our 11 months old daughter as she won't sleep anywhere but in my arms and when I put her down she wakes up straight away including many many times overnight and when you're working full time it does become very draining!

We are in day 5....when I take her upstairs she starts crying as soon as we walk upstairs it's as if she knows what's coming both for naps and nighttime. She is still crying for 20 mins at a time....I'm so close to giving it all up, hearing her cry 😭 when I go in to check on her she calms but as soon as I leave the room or kiss her she knows I'm going to leave and starts screaming!
We've stuck with it for 5 days so I think I'm reluctant to throw out hard work away....but does this get any easier??

Oh OP this sounds so hard. I did pick-up put-down with mine and it was a slog at times but eventually works.

I can understand on day 5 you don’t want to turn back now. Although I would be a bit concerned that there is no reduction in how long she is crying by day 5.

We did sleep trained when DS, now 3 was younger. Days 1, and then 4-7 were the worst!

You've done so much already, don't stop now!

I wouldn't keep going tbh. It sounds horrible if she's crying for 20 mins at a time. I think that's too much for a child that young, personally.

Have you tried any other gentler methods first? Disappearing chair? Pick up/put down? Lucy Wolfe's book has some good stuff in it that doesn't involve leaving them to cry at all.

I hated it, my DS would fall asleep in my arms and then be transferred into his cot. If we woke. We'd start again.

He's now 2 and sleeping independently in his toddler bed and can self settle.

I do not think controlled crying would've helped, I could bare to see him so upset and confused

I put her to sleep in her cot 45 mins ago and I've been upto about 6 times already, it sounds like a mini tantrum she's lifting her legs up and banging them on the mattress really hard whenever I leave.

As soon as I go in she calms immediately it's like she knows 😂

She's been much better at night waking around 2am and 4 am but todays naps have been the most testing so far! I've been up and cuddled her and put her back in the cot. I was looking into gradual retreat but my HV said that CC would get the quickest results and both me and my hubby have been off work this week so thought we would dedicate our week to trying to crack this.

Literally so close to throwing the towel in, I feel like the worst mum ever!

I'm really surprised your HV recommended CC. It's something we actively discourage in my team for a myriad of reasons.
Have you tried coupling your night time routine (bath, book, bed) with the disappearing chair method OP?

Apparently day 5 to 7 can be the worse. Mumsnet generally don't condone CC of any sort, so you may get some negative comments.

Sounds like LO is used to you getting them to sleep so doesn't know how to self settle. Hence the leg banging my LO used to do it, it can be a self settling technique.

Has lo got a dummy or comforter? As if not they been using you to settle 😔

My HV suggested cc at 4 months old 😂 😂 obviously I didn't do it at this age. You could try dissapering chair technicque if you think that would work?

You won't have thrown away anything by stopping now. Give her a big hug, say sorry and let her natural sleep patterns grow with her.
( I'm sure I'll get a load of shit for giving my opinion on this.)

I would do something like gradual retreat rather than just leaving her and then picking her up every so often, that will be sending mixed messages.

She's upset, you are upset.

Just stop

Disappearing chair method worked for us.

Can you give her something that smells of you? A T-shirt etc?

CC doesn't work in my opinion. I honestly believe it's bad for both parent and child emotionally.