Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

Help required re: controlled crying....URGENT!

17 replies

Alseymum · 11/12/2007 19:13

Am trying out controlled crying but don't really know what I am doing. HELP! dd is 11 months old and she usually falls asleep feeding. Have just put her in cot awake and she has been howling now for 10 mins. What do I do next? Do I go in and pick her up and put down again, or do I try and get her to lie down, soothe her, sing etc.? And how long should I soothe her before going back out again?? Then what?
HELP, anybody!

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 11/12/2007 19:17

have you done anything inbetween sleeping with a feed and controlled crying? or is this the first thing you've done?

mylittlepudding · 11/12/2007 19:18

My advice is to start it when you DO know what you're going to do and are sure you are ready to start.

I would say, go and settle your dd now however you usually do.

Then, come back here and talk to the great and the good of mumsnet on how you might change it, and whether that might be a version of CC.

I only started a few days ago with my 11 month old, so I don't know that much. But I did read a lot and I think it's vital to be prepared.

Scootergrrrl · 11/12/2007 19:19

It's quite a leap from falling asleep feeding to on your own howling. Why not try sitting with her and patting and shushing her until she settles? Don't pick her up or make eye contact but just keep saying shh it's bedtime, time to go to sleep until she falls asleep... or you do!
Does she wake a lot in the night?

MrsBadger · 11/12/2007 19:21

[blunt advice coming, do not take offence]:

stop and go and get her
feed her to sleep as normal

then in the morning do some reading re cc, get some books, read some threads, decide on your plan and start another night.

going off half-cocked won't help anyone, least of all dd

MrsBadger · 11/12/2007 19:21

pudding beat me to it...

ruddynorah · 11/12/2007 19:21

oh yes, forgot to say go get her!

Original poster

Alseymum · 11/12/2007 19:32

Thanks all for the quick responses. I have just gone back in and spent 5 mins singing, soothing etc. and have now come back out. (Usually, I would sing and soothe for as long as it took for her to fall asleep and then try to extract my arm from her which she has grabbed.) Initially she cried but now, dare I say it, she has fallen asleep! Yes, of course, you are all right, going in half-cocked won't help anyone. Can anyone name a few books that might help? I think I am getting CC and Pick up/put down confused.

OP posts:

sherazade · 11/12/2007 19:53

most amazing website ever, its more about night weaning but you may find it useful:
www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

mylittlepudding · 12/12/2007 02:20

Well done, Alseymum. I'm sorry I wasn't hugely supportive, I didn't mean to come across that way. It is SO hard when you and they are sleeping poorly.

I think I absorbed a lot by osmosis from mumsnet, baby groups that I go to, and other friends with children. Mainly because I refused to read Gina Ford - my decision was all to do with desperation and not to do with any belief in it as an actively, positively good parenting strategy. But I did read the Baby Whisperer (talks about pick up put down, has some merits I guess) and I hear that The contented little parent baby book has clear directions of what to do for cc if that is what you want to do.

ImBarryScott · 12/12/2007 07:39

Hey Alseymum,
I have successfully used CC with my DD, but agree with the others! Beforehand I got a copy of Dr. Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems".
In a nutshull, the crying is not the aim of the aim - the self-settling is. As such, it is up to you how you structure things. it is important that you don't back off, as this is a kind of extinction technique. As such, if you feel you might wobble, use a gentle version which involves going in lots, and offering plenty of comfort.
As an idea, we went in to DD after 2 minutes, then 3, 5, 7, 10, 15 (although we were lucky and it never came to 15). We decided to soothe her in the cot, stroking, patting, and doing whatever it took apart from lifting DD out.
We agreed to do this for 5 nights, and if no significant improvements happened, we'd quit and perhaps try again another time.

good luck, whatever you do!

yogimum · 12/12/2007 07:57

Elizabeth Pantley "The no cry sleep solution" is another helpful book.

wibbleweed · 12/12/2007 16:39

Hi - no real tips I'm afraid, but just to let you know that I'm in the same bit of you. My DS2 is 11 months and is a truly terrible sleeper. Our problem is not so much going off to sleep but waking in the night, often for hours and hours of screaming at a time. I've tried a version of PU/PD and am going to give it one more go starting from tonight. If there's no improvement by this time next week, then I think we'll have to take the plunge with CC. Here's hoping for a good night!

orangina · 12/12/2007 16:50

God wibbleweed, your ds sounds like mine.... he used to be a good sleeper, slept through for 12 hours from 3 months, all of his own accord etc. But for the last 3-4 months, he has been awake every night, often for a reason (ear infection, then tooth, then another tooth, then another ear infection, then a cold....etc), but I think he has just FORGOTTEN how to do it now. He usually sleeps peacefully until about 1am, then SCREAMS HORRIBLY, and I am now feeling so sleep deprived that I may shortly go mad. Have been doing some controlled crying, but usually I cave in after a few minutes (the screaming is so dreadful), so don't really feel I'm doing it properly. There is NOTHING wrong with him (have had the doctor check him over), he is totally jolly during the day, and I think he just fancies a night time cuddle. Will watch this thread with interest, and would love to know how you get on ww.....

Anjelika · 13/12/2007 10:13

I've just posted elswehere about a milder CC method in Dr Christopher Green's book - Toddler Taming. He suggests picking up and cuddling the baby after the allotted time if they are still crying but putting them down again once they are calm. I know my DS gets in a right state if just left to cry so I would favour this approach I think. I don't think the results are as quick as with the CC where you don't pick them up, but it might be worth a read if you want a "gentler" approach?

Anjelika

Original poster

Alseymum · 13/12/2007 23:31

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your suggestions and recommendations. I know I'm not alone but it's reassuring to hear so nevertheless. Well, it's the 3rd night I've been trying out my version of CC and, dare I tempt fate, dd has not only been going down in her cot a lot better but she has also mostly slept through the night too!!!

Another question: can I try the various methods out on daytime naps? dd has NEVER slept in her cot in the day. When she was really young and bf-ing all the time, she'd fall asleep in my arms. When she went onto solids, she wouldn't nap indoors at all, and we had to take her out for a drive twice a day for her naps! Recently, I forced her to lie down with me for a nap on the bed, which worked...so now the drives have been replaced by co-napping. A bad habit to get into, I know, but darned cheaper than burning petrol! I know this isn't ideal and would love for her to just nap in her cot.

OP posts:

karen999 · 13/12/2007 23:40

I did CC with my dd at night and then used it for day time too, although I have to say that because she was used to going down in her cot that it was not a problem. You could co-sleep for daytime naps - good for you too!! however if you would rather be doing something else then you could co-sleep for a few days just so that she gets used to sleeping at a particular time and then you could try putting her down in her cot. I use a radio in dd's room during the day so that she can tell the difference between night and day and this seems to work.

orangina · 14/12/2007 15:05

I find it almost easier doing cc during the day.... especially if I know he/she is tired and just needs to drop off. I tend to utilise the button on the monitor that means you can just see the lights so madly up the red range, without having to hear the crying all the time.... I never let them cry for more than about 5 minutes at a time during the day though...

Flip