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Sleep

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Original poster

Letting your baby cry it out!?

36 replies

Eloise97 · 28/10/2021 18:15

What are your thoughts on letting your baby cry it out??

My little boy is 1 and the other night he just wouldn't settle so I put him upstairs and let him cry himself to sleep. He was asleep within 10 mins

He was safe so no judgment please

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BurbageBrook · 28/10/2021 18:20

If you don't want judgement regarding this? why post? Do you just want everyone to agree with you?

Anyway, I think it's cruel, and cold, and research has shown that this raises cortisol levels which is harmful for the baby. But your decision.

NellieBertram · 28/10/2021 18:20

Why ask people’s thoughts if you don’t want judgement? What are you hoping for?

zaffa · 28/10/2021 18:20

I don't personally think it's something I could do to DD - I don't like the idea of her learning that I am unreliable and won't come when she cries at such a young age.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/10/2021 18:23

I think it’s bad parenting.

You’re judging yourself and that’s why you’re posting.

Since it worked so well I assume you’ll be doing it again. Your poor baby.

Sprogonthetyne · 28/10/2021 18:23

I can't tell you my thoughts without being judgemental, so this thread is pointless. Cry it out is abhorrent.

CelloYouveGotABass · 28/10/2021 18:25

I think PPs are being a bit harsh here. If he was crying for hours then that would be cruel. The fact that it was only ten minutes says to me if you’d have been in and out and fussing he would have been up longer.

I don’t agree that leaving them in distress for hours is okay, but ten minutes is hardly likely to cause and damage

WheelieBinPrincess · 28/10/2021 18:25

As a one off if you were at the end of your wick fine.

As a nightly method, no.

LettertoHermoine · 28/10/2021 18:25

I think there is a huge difference in letting a child scream themselves silly for 10 mins and running up the stairs to every little whimper, I would sit somewhere in the middle.

DGFB · 28/10/2021 18:26

Well I will judge you sorry. It’s cruel

Isabellabasil · 28/10/2021 18:26

I think it's very bad for babies and makes them very scared. He didn't necessarily settle, he just gave up calling for you. For me, I feel there is a bond of trust between you and your kids that you will do everything in your power to be there when they need you. I wouldn't want to break that trust.

orchardgirl4 · 28/10/2021 18:27

It depends on the intensity of crying. When my LOs were babies and they have been put down for sleep time I would wait 1 minute, and then go back in and place my hand on their chest, with a calm, neutrally happy face, and leave again, and continue this, until eventually they slept. If the crying was more intense I just go straight in. A little older I'd wait 2 mins. It was what I was comfortable with and what I guaged to be appropriate for the time.

CocaColaTruck1 · 28/10/2021 18:29

I don't like it tbh.
10 minutes or not, if your crying your eyes out for 10 minutes it will seem so much longer to the child.
Yes the over tired crying is hard but I wouldn't want my DS to think I won't be there when he's upset.

Roo0996 · 28/10/2021 18:31

I don’t agree with it personally and latest research shows that even though they aren’t crying their cortisol / stress levels are raised, they just give in asking for attention. My daughter has never slept well so I do sympathise as I know it’s a nightmare..I tried controlled crying where you go in every few mins but even that I found so distressing and gave up very quickly! In the end I just decided to co-sleep..baby got the love and attention she was looking for and I got loads more sleep as all I had to do was lean over with my eyes closed and shove a dummy back in rather than run up and down all night. She now sleeps in her own room unless ill or teething etc with no sleep training required

SameToo · 28/10/2021 18:32

I don’t believe it was 10 minutes. Crying increases cortisol production. Not recommended.

Motherland101 · 28/10/2021 18:41

My thoughts re crying it out: Its cruel and there's no way I would have let my baby cry for any length of time. They don't have the capacity to understand what's going on, all they know is that they need you and you are not coming. Must be a horrible feeling...

Babyfg · 28/10/2021 18:41

Was he properly crying. My one year old moans for a few minutes when I put him down for a nap. That's because he's tired and grumpy. If he was crying or upset I wouldn't leave him. They have no control over the situation so i don't understand how anyone can leave a baby or small child hysterical. Imagine calling someone for help as an adult and being ignored. It breaks my heart, but at least as an adult you could remove yourself from a situation or ask another person, a baby can't do that

Fancyties · 28/10/2021 19:04

Personally I couldn't do cry it out, my personal opinion. Though my friends have with what they call is good results.
Controlled crying yes I agree with.... I await the slander for this. I feel its a bit kinder and doesn't seem like your abandoning them.
My LO sometimes has a whinge before going to sleep. It isn't a full on crying I need you now type cry. It's a settling thing I think for her. She does do it in between sleep cycles on and off - more on her naps when she's a little bit overtired.

Maybe rethink the crying it out, perhaps there's something that needs addressing before sleep training? Maybe a different option or something can change?

hamstersarse · 28/10/2021 19:07

@WheelieBinPrincess

As a one off if you were at the end of your wick fine.

As a nightly method, no.

Exactly that

It’s not a long term good strategy

Fallagain · 28/10/2021 19:08

Asking someone’s opinion is asking for their judgement.

I think its emotional abuse. I wouldn’t walk about from a crying adult so I certainly wouldn’t walk from a baby who couldn’t comfort themselves.

Remember the NSPCC advert about the baby who had learnt not to cry because no one came.

girlmom21 · 28/10/2021 19:10

I think 10 minutes is a long, long time.

If it was for a couple of minutes to work out whether it was for attention because he was genuinely upset, I could kind of understand.

halloweenqwueeeen · 28/10/2021 19:11

I think it’s awful and damaging. Letting a baby think it’s being abandoned by its caregiver so it’s cries until the point of exhaustion. Vile.

FETOCT2021 · 28/10/2021 19:14

I tried it couple of times on the advice of friends. I still feel guilty as hell 2 years on. Wish I’d never done it.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 28/10/2021 19:14

What nonsense. I had to do the same with my son occasionally. He's 40 now and a perfectly normal and lovely human being and we have a great relationship. I'm surprised mumsnet babies can breath at all wrapped in all that cotton wool. No wonder none of them sleep.

becca3210 · 28/10/2021 19:23

OP you will get replies saying emotional abuse worse mother in the world etc. Fact is it was ten mins not an hour etc. Your son is ok and still loves you. Be kind to yourself

TheWayTheLightFalls · 28/10/2021 19:29

I’d think it was absolutely fine for that amount of time. I sleep trained my DD at 7 months using the Ferber method (that gets confused with CIO a lot). It took three nights. Her sleep has been bomb proof since. I still maintain that the “trauma” of that experience is considerably less than that of going through your early years sleep deprived and suffering the effects of that, let alone the impact on the parents.

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